So with our new International Overlord’s inauguration coming on January 20th, I figured it only fitting that I should dedicate a small piece to the current Inimitable (well, except for by Frank Caliendo) Overlord… George W. Bush!
Bush’s term in the White House has certainly been a wild ride (for the entire world!), and again, much like Nixon, he most certainly hasn’t apologised for anything that might be perceived by some as ‘wrong doing’. Righteousness in a leader as powerful as the US president is a dangerous trait. But hey, why linger on what he did or did not do in office, let’s focus on some of the fantastic things he’s said over the years!
The BBC have a great collection, featuring such gems as:
“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.”
“And truth of the matter is, a lot of reports in Washington are never read by anybody. To show you how important this one is, I read it, and [Tony Blair] read it.” – On the publication of the Baker-Hamilton Report, Washington DC, 7 December, 2006.
… Yeah. Mandatory IQ/aptitude tests for all incoming incumbents? (As an aside on US presidents, and other positions of leadership, some guy has worked out that being US president has the highest chance of ‘death in the workplace‘, by quite some margin!)
Moving swiftly along because if we’re honest everyone’s bored to death of Bush — The 2008 Darwin Awards! For people that have never heard of the Darwin Awards, they are trophies (well, not REAL trophies, for reasons which will soon be obvious) that are awarded to people that through some ‘quirk of fate’ (i.e. moronic stupidity) remove themselves from the gene pool. Darwin’s survival of the fittest in action. It’s basically just a list of people that have died in very stupid ways, that through schadenfreude (gotta love the Germans) make us feel a lot better about ourselves.
I’ve copied the shortest one here (because you really should just read through the awards):
“Darren was dumb even for a junkie, but what he lacked in IQ he made up in creativity. In the supermarket, he notice a bag labeled “Birdseed 100% Poppy Seed.” He seized his chance to circumvent the stranglehold of the International Drug Cartels with the following logic: 100% Poppy Seed = 100% Opium! Figuring he was onto something good, he bought a bag of birdseed, boiled it into a thick black paste, and proceeded to inject it into his vein.Nothing happened, so he did it again.
An hour later, he was brought unconscious to our Emergency Department, as sick as it is possible to be. His chest X-ray showed thousands of tiny seed-like objects scattered throughout his lungfields. Our working diagnosis was Milary Tuberculosis, so-called because the TB deposits resemble millet seeds. Little did we know!
Only two weeks later, after he recovered from life-threatening septicaemia and multiple organ failure, did the true story emerge. Darren survived, but subsequently died of a garden variety overdose.”
Okay, that wasn’t as short as I thought it would be…
We’re almost done with stupid things, but I thought I should at least try and talk about something stupid that’s happened to me… you know, to bring it home. Now, it might come as a shock, but I don’t often associate with stupid people, so it took me a while to remember an instance of stupidity, but then I simply thought back to my short trip to the Deep South, in the Appalachians, near Atlanta (the same trip where I had my very own ‘Save The Cheerleader, Save Seb’s Libido’ experience…)
I’ve had a last-minute change of heart, so I’m going to gloss over that little story, because I really don’t know who’s reading this. I’ll save it for my memoirs. Needless to say, it was delightfully American, slightly charming, and 100% stupid.
Finally: Nigerian Bikers’ Vegetable Helmets.