It was a new year’s resolution of mine to move most of my money-making income away from web design/management. The idea was (and is) to make money from my photography, or some other artistic means. Web design just doesn’t do it for me any more — I’ve been doing it for a long time now (since I was 13, or something silly), and it’s very much a repetitive process. Sure, the colours change a bit, and occasionally I get to do some original artwork, but very often designs follow the same templates, with just a few changes here and there.

This blog was part of the process of moving away from the web design. Hopefully one day this site will be big enough to sell some photos (and feel free to buy one if you see something that you like!), but in the meantime, it’s just a way for me to be creative. Writing, photographing, recording… it’s all fun for me. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and I’m not afraid of looking like a fool, so a medium like this — a blog — is ideal for putting just about ANYTHING out there.

And thus… I give you The Penis Monologues (TPM). Now, this idea might fall flat on its face, or it might not. The plan is to have a series of comic, and serious monologues about what it is to be a man. This first one, the Cowboy, is very much the comic variety. I thought of it a few hours ago, came home, and recorded it in a few minutes, without much of a script. Future attempts will likely be more refined, and scripted; I also can’t wait to try my hand at something more serious — perhaps a bit Victoria Wood, quite serious, but funny. This is obviously somewhat a copy of The Vagina Monologues, but I don’t dare claim that my recordings will be anywhere near as good; I will try to encompass the same depth and breadth of the topic though. My idea is to have a variety of men, from all around the world, of different cultural backgrounds, talking about their experiences as a man. All played by me (that’s the hard bit…)

I look forward to trying out my Pakistani accent again, it’s been a long time…

Give it a listen. It might be slightly offensive, but it only includes the word ‘penis’ 2 or 3 times. Don’t listen to it loud on some office speakers, but otherwise you should be fine.

(If you can’t see the player, you’ll have to visit my blog)

If you think it’s funny, let me know! If you think it’s horribly offensive and not at all comic in any way, please let me know! OR, if you’re completely enthralled and you eagerly await the next monologue before you pass judgment… say nothing at all!

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I am a tall, hairy, British writer who blogs about technology, photography, travel, and whatever else catches my eye.