The fated words spoken to me by the smallest (and cutest) girl I have the pleasure of knowing – Serena. Well, she used to be cuter, when she was smaller… now she’s all teenage and stuff. But back then, she was cute:

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(It was fun to find the picture again… it’s one of my earliest film-camera photos)

Anyway, it’s a long story, but we ended up acting together in a little comedy skit. Me, my cousin (who’s 6’8″, 3 inches taller than me — about 200cms, for those metric goons out there), and a couple of little girls. The basic premise was that we were a freak show in a circus (‘The impossibly tall men’, or something), and they would swan around our feet and look up at us, gawking and improvising: ‘You’re mighty tall’, Serena said to me (and she’s Scottish, so you just have to imagine how cute it sounded).

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At 196cm, I am indeed mightily tall. The sad thing is, my cousin dwarfs me:

[singlepic id=23 w=500] (He’s going to kill me for posting this one, I think… it’s a long story… Actually, it’s not as long as he would’ve hoped, but I’ll still spare you the details) That was taken about 5 years ago, and he’s grown since then. Scary, huh? (The height, not the dress.) I think I was being Orlando Bloom in that photo, thus the odd facial hair. I have a nice picture of me with a rapier somewhere actually… I might post that some time.

What was I saying… ah, yes, I’m tall. We’re not sure to this day how I ended up quite this tall — apparently I have some tall cousins, but they are a fairly distant relation. Perhaps I’m just a sign of things to come: Darwinism, survival of the fittest, has been slightly circumvented by our standards of living, and our ability to work around disabilities. In the olden days, tall people probably couldn’t fit into caves, or perhaps they had their heads bitten off by rabid monkeys. A bit like short people probably couldn’t run fast enough, tall people probably weren’t desirable, back in the day.

Nowadays though, tall men have it good (a rather windy link, but worth a read, if you’re a single woman looking for a strapping young, tall gentleman…)! There’s tons of research showing that tall men are simply more desirable than shorter men. Shorter men also tend to be more jealous in general. I guess they just know that I’m packing an omnipotent .50cal, while they’re stuck with their inadequate 9mm.

I have to admit, I don’t think I’ve seen any more action than my shorter friends though. I seem to be more successful when it comes to situations where the odds are against me though. I can’t recall a time I’ve failed at the seduction… That might not be my height, though. I’ll withold final judgement until I find a nice short woman with child-bearing hips.

Being tall has its other advantages though. I mean, I was never without a football team at school. The fact that I couldn’t (and still can’t) run meant nothing, because I could cover the entire goal with my lanky limbs. I can also slam-dunk in basketball without really leaving the ground, just by standing on my toes.

The best bit is I can see down a girl’s top, without her realising, because I could easily be looking at her face. The marvel of angles…

Tic tacs, rape and rock and roll
Seb... or Sylar?!


I am a tall, hairy, British writer who blogs about technology, photography, travel, and whatever else catches my eye.