Or if not killed, at least seriously injured with a baseball bat.
So there I was in Beograd — Belgrade – capital of Serbia. Hopefully you’ve read my little introduction to Serbia; the backdrop has been painted for the retelling of one of my little escapades.
I’m not ashamed to say that the main reason I went to Serbia was to meet some of my World of Warcraft guild mates. Actually, as guild leader, I guess they were my peons, but carrying over that kind of relationship from online to offline can often result in horrible consequences: so I treated them like equals. It was a little weird being treated like some kind of leader in real life though, I have to admit. That slight element of deference, that instantaneous silence if I start talking over someone else.
Anyway, when I wasn’t in my hotel (a 3 star hotel in Belgrade is a bed and a sink, by the way — I think the cleanliness of the sheets dictates the star rating), or at Petar’s house, hitting on his younger cousin, my home was the dark and dingy subway beneath one of the main junctions in Belgrade. When I was being taken there for the first time, I wasn’t really sure what to make of it. ‘Just a little further down here, Dell.’ (Dell being a shortening of Delling, my nickname — being called by your online persona in real life is cool and kinda weird at the same time). Stepping down broken enamel steps, further and further, sunlight disappearing behind me, I emerged into… the seedy online underworld of Belgrade. Once it was probably a shopping mall of some kind, but now it was a scattering of white-painted-window derelict shops, and… internet cafes! Lots and lots of internet cafes. Basically, everyone that plays WoW in Serbia plays from this little hub.
There are cafes there for every kind of player: the posh cafe with cute Slavic wenches that walk around and bring you drinks, the middle-of-the-range ones that are clean and functional, and finally the dingy shitholes that, of course, I would end up playing from for a week. Apparently my guild mates picked that one because it was ‘cheap and cheerful’. Yeah, cheap like a bunch of ancient 486s with 14″ CRT screens, and cheerful in that they played awful happy hardcore music. Admittedly they turned the music off after a few days of me whining, which was good of them.
You can’t see much from the picture, but I couldn’t find the better one… if I track it down, I’ll post it.
Online gaming is a highly-competitive arena. You might’ve heard of the Chinese guy that got stabbed to death after he sold a ‘dragon sabre’ that belonged to someone else (the murderer). There have been lots of reported cases of real life brutality in Korea too, caused by online disputes that have sprawled into a real life brawl. While gamers in Europe are not quite as passionate as our Far Eastern brethren, some of the… ‘less developed’ Slavic friends still take gaming very, very seriously. Steal his loots, and he’ll threaten to break your legs with a baseball bat. Steal an important player from his guild, and he’ll threaten to track you down and break your neck.
This was never much of a problem, as I was all the way over in England. I just laughed and shrugged off their threats. Unfortunately, I was now in Serbia, and those over-excited, evil Serbs that were threatening me and my family were just around the corner in the next internet cafe. I’d conveniently forgotten this before I’d jumped on a plane and flown into a dangerous climate where I would have to constantly alert for impending attacks.

Belgrade under a full moon -- that's the Sveti Sava church
So, there I was, trying to lead a raid, shouting into a microphone, trying to desperately to be heard over some particuarly tragic hiphop music (did I mention you can hardly see the screens because everyone’s smoking too?), when suddenly a large, buff, muscular Slavic Schwarzenegger-lookalike is silhouetted in the doorway to our internet cafe. He’s wielding a baseball bat menancingly, a malevolent glint in his eye.
‘DELLINK? WHERE IS DELLINK? JEDI GOVNA IZ KANTE, DELLINK! ‘
At this point, I wish all of my loyal guildmates stood up and said ‘I’m Delling!’, ‘No, I’m Delling!’, but sadly I don’t think Spartacus is a very popular film there. Instead, they all stood up, very menacingly and started walking towards the spastic Serbian that was busy spouting death threats and still looking for me. They surrounded him and said: ‘You’ll have to get through us to get to Delling.’
I think he realised very quickly that online loyalties exist in real life too; these guys were going to make damn sure I was kept safe — if I got harmed, who was going to lead their guild to great glory?!
And that was just within the first 24 hours of my stay in Belgrade… it was going to be a long 10 days.
andhari
Feb 5, 2009
Dayum the picture of Belgrade, very beautiful. I just add it to my list of places I should visit before I die. lol
sebastian
Feb 5, 2009
Go to Prague, it’s even more beautiful, and slightly more clean!
But certainly, go to the Eastern Bloc if you get a chance… it’s a totally different way of life there.
andhari
Feb 5, 2009
and HAHAHAHAHAHAH you leader
I might be better to stick with Bratz dolls online games
andhari
Feb 5, 2009
Ive been to Prague. I havent been to eastern bloc. I cant wait to see the countries from where beautiful fashion tv models are from. And check out the accents. I might drool.
sebastian
Feb 5, 2009
Well if you’ve seen Prague, it’s pretty similar… just dirtier, more gritty. More people fighting for survival… more bombed out buildings… etc!
I’m a very good leader!
Jossie Posie
Feb 5, 2009
Wow that was quite the tale…I find it so strange when my guildies refer to me by my character name. I’ve spoken to several on the phone and met a few in person and its weird to me that its like we are different people because we mix in a different world. Mind you, I love my toons name but its still a bit odd.
sebastian
Feb 5, 2009
Hehe, I think it’s because I am quite a large personality… and because some of them didn’t know my real life name to start with either!
I’ll tell you what is more weird — hanging out with a guy that plays a female character, and calling him by his female name. That feels very odd indeed
Renee
Feb 5, 2009
Delling. Hmmm. That’s actually a pretty good name. Sounds like a fun trip.
Renee
Feb 5, 2009
I get to be a purple heart shaped monster with four eyes? SHINY!
sebastian
Feb 5, 2009
For homework, go and find out the significance of the name!
The trip was awesome; mainly for the awesome meals that I could buy for £2..
sebastian
Feb 5, 2009
Wow, you won the monster lottery so far! I REALLY need to work out how to change mine…
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
stabbed to death for some gaming thing? damn! i thought the bitchy model cat fights i see behind the scenes of the runway are bad! i’m about to go stab something to death…..it’s a small, crazy, yippy, double A battery dog next door to my apartment. cute as a button, not quite as quiet.
sebastian
Feb 6, 2009
Well, they have real-life monetary value, and there have been murders for less…
I hope you mean one of those electronic dogs that do backflips… and not a real dog… That’d be MEAN!
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
umm..of course i mean an electric dog…yes…of course.
no, this dog is real actually and there is a no pet rule in my building due to the fact that the walls are fucking paper thin and you hear everything. everytime the dog barks, everytime he scampers around in the halls….ughhh. it’s just a really yippy little dog.
sebastian
Feb 6, 2009
Reminds me of a time at university… Let’s just say me and my girlfriend were going at it like, um… doggies.
We thought the walls looked quite sturdy, but the next morning there were nasty glances from everyone at the breakfast table.
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
ya…um….i actually was known as the girl on my floor who had incredibly audible orgasms. the hall director was called on one occasion. it wasn’t because i was going at it though. i was actually recording a fake orgasm on my roomies phone so that the next time it rang she would hear it. my friends and i laughed so hard that i had to keep on doing it and recording it loud enough to drown out their laughter in the background.
sebastian
Feb 6, 2009
I can’t really top that story. Not on a ‘suitable for all’ rated blog anyway… Funny though!
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
i win! i win! i win!
now get cracking on the love letter damn-it! or it will turn into a hatred letter…..just kidding=)
also, why do i look like an angry animated bacterial disease?—————————–>
sebastian
Feb 6, 2009
I think it’s rather endearing. Not entirely photo-realistic, but still…
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
i’m gonna write something about how my love for you is kind of like a flesh eating bacteria virus…i think THAT will be “rather endearing”
sebastian
Feb 6, 2009
But we’ve only just met…
If you insist, sweetie pie.
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
thanks schnookums…
and we have never truly met
and i do insist, sweet babu
sebastian
Feb 6, 2009
I’m going to bed now, my little gritty pumpernickel.
Don’t call me sugar daddy!
Maddie
Feb 6, 2009
why would i call u sugar daddy? u haven’t even given me anything. besides hot sweaty dreams….night puddin’ pie=)
K
Feb 7, 2009
I still stay it was “You know who”… (No, not voldemort…)
This is where the post was meant to be btw… See what happens when Im sleep deprived ‘cos some one keeps me up all night
x
sebastian
Feb 7, 2009
That’s not entirely my fault.
The man will remain a mystery, for my sake, and his!