Sex & Sebastian
In my effort to discover yet more good music I downloaded the entire Earth Wind & Fire discography. You probably know a few of their great hits like ‘September’ and ‘Boogie Wonderland’ (and ‘Fantasy’ and ‘Boogie Wonderland’!), but this is just a tiny fraction of their vast wealth of awesome songs. They’re often described as a delicious fusion of… well, everything that exemplified the 1970s: Disco, soul, R&B (the good kind) and occasionally some African ‘world music’. And their songs are LONG too — they go places! None of that 2-and-a-half-minute-radio-wankfest that many bands succumbed to from the 60s onwards.
Anyway… Soul and R&B have the same kind of underlying tone and story: sex. I’m not talking entirely about… you know, fornication, but that does play a big part; especially for bands like Boys 2 Men where all they ever sing about is sex (go watch the ‘Honest R&B Song‘ if you haven’t seen it already). And where they want to have sex. Even the occasional song about their favourite positions… chrikee! But, as I was saying, this kind of music is about sex — men, women, their interactions. It’s about people, I guess, as they find themselves, or God (often God with the black Soul groups). Actually, I guess it’s called ‘Soul’ because it appeals to your soul… which is a spiritual thing, right?!
Sooooo… All this soulful and rhythmic music actually got me thinking. It actually… got me a little horny. Randy, baby. So, as you might’ve guessed from the subject of this post, I’m going to talk about SEX!
I’m sure most of us know where we are and what we’re doing once we get into the sack; hell, we can do almost anything in the bedroom and get away with it. Something magical happens when you have two naked people in a bed. You’ve already pushed through most of the barriers and inhibitions — the courtship, the embarrassment of early fumbles and awkward silences. Then that moment finally comes: you kiss. Not one of those normal kisses though — that passionate kiss. The kiss that speaks volumes; that lingering kiss that you just know is going to lead to sex.
Before you know it, you’re fumbling with each other’s clothing and trying to get naked as quickly as possible. You’re trying to navigate your way to the bedroom without losing your lip-lock (there’s probably a term for that kind of thing — Siamese Lovers, or something). Then you’re in bed, either under the duvet, or above, contorted into some kind of twisted meshed embrace where you can’t tell which limbs are yours.
And then that magical moment occurs… you can do anything. You’re both stripped away, mentally and physically. Your bodies are extensions of one another. There’s no peer pressure, no prejudices — you can just do whatever the hell you like.
I think that’s what I love the most about sex: the intimacy. Intimacy actually describes that moment perfectly — it means ‘to become familiar with’ and ‘innermost’. You’re both there, becoming very familiar indeed, baring everything, even your innermost secrets and desires.
There, I’ve shared what sex is like for me. That’s why I don’t have sex with just anyone — I want it to be special and intimate, damnit! Why not write about what sex is like for you, if you have a blog?
I wanted to share one more thing with you: a flow chart for dialogue during sex (from FlowingData). I never have a problem finding the right things to say during sex, but I understand it can be a problem for couples where one person has more experience than the other. Maybe you’re uncertain if you’re making the right noise; is that a grunt of pleasure, or pain? Perhaps you’re just not very talkative during sex, and you want to improve in that department. Dirty talk during sex can be very saucy, let me tell you! When a girl talks dirty to me… well… it ain’t pretty. But that’s another topic, for another day.
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Damn, that was hot. Now I have to go masturbate…thanks a lot. I have things to do you know. I can’t always be touching myself and thinking of you! Geez! =) Hahaha
Anyways, regarding dirty talk. I can’t do it. I end up laughing…hysterically. Seriously, every time a guy does that it just makes me think he is a little odd. Dirty sex though? Yes. Dirty talk? Not so much.
I particularly like that “yabba dabba doo” is on the chart. Because if a guy wants to get me in the sack, THAT is what he should say to me.
February 10th, 2009 at 10:58 pmI could tell you that was never my intention, but you probably wouldn’t believe me.
I think the key to talking dirty is to time and pace it correctly. Some people wade into it like a big klutz, bludgeoning all of the built-up tension and intimacy.
I’m not going to give examples that worked, and didn’t work, because that’s a bit outside the scope… but yes, I’ve seen good dirty talk, and bad! The chart is merely an aid, to get people talking to each other in the bedroom again…!
February 10th, 2009 at 11:02 pmClearly I have only had men with terrible timing. I just couldn’t help it though. I don’t think that a chart would really help though. It has to flow more naturally. I guess that’s why I laughed at every single guy who would talk dirty to me. Everything seemed so contrived and out there.
Also, I guess I can believe that it wasn’t your intention. I just have a mind that is constantly in the gutter. I can’t help it.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:07 pmIt’s the contrived thing that blows it (or not!) for most men. ‘Yeah, I hear women love to be told who’s their daddy.’ Sure, some do, but…
February 10th, 2009 at 11:24 pmI just cracked up reading that. That is by far the sickest thing ever to say to a girl. I really hate it when the guy tries to talk dirty, but just ends up rambling or repeating the same thing over and over. I also hate it when a guy tells me what he wants to do to me. That’s unnecessary and unappreciated most times.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:28 pmEarth Wind and Fire are great!
And now, after reading this, I really need some sex.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:29 amYou and me both, sister.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:32 amSince we both need it, maybe we should help each other out? haha
February 11th, 2009 at 12:38 amAs you said, you’re millions of miles away. I might be large, but I’m not intergalactic.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:40 amYeah that sucks. What can I do? I won’t be in England until August.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:43 amWrite some juicy fan-fic starring your favourite characters… make it really juicy.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:43 amOh my! *blushing*
February 11th, 2009 at 12:45 amNot starring ME damnit!
Snape, or something! Or… Indiana Jones!
February 11th, 2009 at 12:47 amEWWW you want me to pick ugly people (snape?!)?
February 11th, 2009 at 12:49 amI was just picking random names out of the air! I know that girls can sometimes have fairly irrational crushes…
Gandalf then?
February 11th, 2009 at 12:52 amNah. Legolas would be my type.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:53 amAh… how… girly!
Well, I have long, flowing hair. But it’s brown.
I’m also tall. But I’m not slender.
I’m more attractive than Gimli though!
February 11th, 2009 at 12:58 amI like tall and dark. I like over 6′0.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:08 amEducational.
Oh god, if a guy ever said he was my daddy i’d throw up.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:10 amMy advice for talking dirty: Just don’t. At least that is what I’d prefer. Like Maddie said, I’d like to sex to be dirty, not the talking.
Hmmmm. I do have admit though, I greatly appreciate that my pills tend to dampen my libido. (Being single for a long time + raging libido = very miserable female.) Granted, there’s this boy I’m interested in right now and they aren’t doing a thing. Heeeeh.
February 11th, 2009 at 5:23 amHey! My picture of you at Yosemite is on your website. Sweeet.
February 11th, 2009 at 5:24 amare you somehow inspired by some things I wrote? LOL
February 11th, 2009 at 10:57 amNo Andhari… Although I can write some angsty poetry, inspired by you, if you like?
It’s one of my favourite photos, Renee! You should try having a raging libido, and living in the middle of no where… At least you have a whole city to prey upon…
If anyone’s like to tell you that, Tara, it’s me. But no throwing up, that’s not sexy.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:33 amThat chart was brilliant, I especially loved the “Foreign” part. I think it would be strange for me to just start saying things in Spanish if the guy wasn’t fluent though. Kill the moment and all.
Sadly, its been a while so I may have forgotten what sex is like for me
February 11th, 2009 at 2:24 pmAye Carumba! I don’t think you need to understand French for it to be sexy though…
We should form a ‘Virtually Celibate’ society or something…
February 11th, 2009 at 2:41 pmLol. Good point, maybe I’m just not too into talking period.
That wouldn’t be a bad idea. I imagine all we would do is sit around and commiserate about how hard up we all are though. Hmmm. Maybe not such a great idea.
February 11th, 2009 at 2:53 pmim turned on
February 11th, 2009 at 3:57 pmBy this, or the deep-throated herring?
February 11th, 2009 at 4:16 pmIt looks like you have a way with the ladies. Definitely a way with words!
February 11th, 2009 at 7:20 pmA way with the ladies… I’m not so sure. A way with words… definitely!
February 11th, 2009 at 9:03 pmDirty talk seems to make sense for me only if the two people are like absolutely in the moment, ravenous of sorts. If you’re just like “cool, sex” then it won’t work. My boyfriend and I broke into dirty talk accidentally after coming home after a house party, and the next morning woke up, looked at each other, and were kind of like “What the fuck did we say last night, because it was good!”
(I realize I’m a little late on the comment game on this post, but I just found your blog through 20 blogger thing and I’m backlogging it.)
December 29th, 2009 at 9:19 pmBetter late than never…!
Welcome
This must’ve been a bit of an intense opener… I hope you read something a little easier going before diving in the deep end.
I miss dirty talk! Did you ever re-kindle that… moment?
December 29th, 2009 at 9:29 pmI am kind of prone to the whole diving into the crazy at first sight thing – it gives me a nice kick. Plus, my friends are on the high scale of prudish so anyone open about sex/uality is very exciting to me. (Not like that, … well, okay, sometimes like that.)
Yes the moment was rekindled!
Several times over haha…
PS. Your display picture that makes you look like jesus and this post are an oxymoron waiting to happen. Or one of those other contrast-y words (there’s so many it’s hard to choose!)
December 30th, 2009 at 12:33 amMe! Jesus! What a crazy assumption you have made… it is merely me, with a ring of lights placed unfortunately behind my head…
Totally coincidental, I assure you. Cough.
I’m sure Russian is a great language to talk dirty in. I actually sometimes slip into a Slavic accent, during sex. I don’t know why. It sounds funny though, and seemingly drives the girls wild…
December 30th, 2009 at 12:39 amIt would be if I knew naughty words in Russian, but seeing as how much (note: all) of my education came from speaking with my parents and family, “I want you to ram me” was never part of my vocabulary. (If it was, that would be weird.)
I find that fake slavic accents always kind of sound like you’re horking something slimy from your throat.. like a hissing kind of noise. “Hhhhai, Comunist Russia Will Sex You Good.” I know I didn’t write that any different, but if you imagine it in that accent you were talking about, you’ll know what I mean. Kind of via Borat but not.
My boyfriend speaks Persian, and one thing we tried once was like, telling each other dirty stories in our own languages….. the rest of the explaining we do with our bodies. It’s surprisingly hot and you should definitely try it with someone foreign and good-looking! I promise, you won’t be disappointed.
December 30th, 2009 at 2:48 amHah…
That one goes in the notebook.
You can hear my Slavic accent over here:
http://blog.mrseb.co.uk/tag/the-penis-monologues/
Third one down I think.
December 30th, 2009 at 2:51 am