My cute, curvy Cuban friend Jossie (what kind of name is Jossie anyway? Is it a nickname of Josalyn?) recently posted a picture from her childhood. She told a sad tale to accompany her salad days photo from a school yearbook; a tale of her mum oppressing her wishes to look less like a floppy-haired, goofy blood clot (my description, not Jossie’s — don’t hurt me!) Not one to miss an opening, I thought I would share my childhood woes: the struggle and strife, and life, of a bowl-cut Beatles lookalike.
Unfortunately the haircut was not fleeting. It stalked me ruthlessly throughout my formative years, with my mother only allowing me to grow it after my 16th birthday. To this day I’m still haunted by brief visions of John Lennon out of the corner of my eye when I look in a mirror. Perhaps it was a rite of passage: become a man, develop body hair, lose my virginity, and stop looking like a poor, podgy, pudding basin child. My mother swears she wasn’t doing it out of spite, or some kind of cruel and unusual punishment. She also denies a childhood infatuation for the Beatles.
In actuality, I think my curse goes back another generation, to my grandmother. I’ve seen photos of my mother as a child, and she has the exact same hair cut as me. The contagious nature of nurturing!
While other parents beat their children, continuing the chain of abuse from their parents, my mother abused me mentally, with a formless and floppy coiffure.
Why am I making such a fuss about a haircut? Well, the clue was in the title — my haircut was really the only thing that plagued me through my childhood. Mind you, I didn’t have a girlfriend until I turned 18, and that sucked. I was always the one looking on and sighing wistfully from afar. I wish someone had told me back then that girls like guys to be confident and go-get-’em. It was only after I left school that my sister informed me that all the girls I fancied had a crush on me. I think that was the saddest day of my life, knowing I’d missed out on kissing some seriously beautiful European girls, and that I might never get a second chance. Thinking back, maybe it was the hair that scared them all away when I got close… Damn you, mother.
I was also bullied for a year or two, which caused some self-esteem issues throughout school (and was the main reason I never had the balls to ask a girl out). It was stupid, being bullied for being the brightest kid in school — and having a stupid hair cut (Damn you, mother!) Really, it’s depressing that such groups of people exist; they weren’t even bad on their own! I was friends with some of them individually, but when they grouped up… Ugh.
Anyway, I’m still a little mentally scarred from the bullying, and it’s probably my only mental ‘flaw’: I lack self-esteem when it comes to girls. I don’t actually believe a girl could be interested in me. It’s OK, while I’m talking, but when it gets right down to it, it becomes that that classic question: ‘How do you get a girl that’s laughing at your jokes into your bed?’ If anyone knows the answer to that, let me know.
With a grown-up view of things, I can see that my self-confidence issues are without merit and totally insane; but hey, who said fear or self-deprecation of any kind was rational?
But back to the happy childhood: you can see from the blurry background of the photo, that I was at Disneyland, at the age of 3 (I was a very large child!) By the age of 3 I’d been to Disneyland and Disneyworld and I’d walked up the steep hills of San Franciso. Back in England I was liberally educated, studying whatever I wanted to study — and excelling. I disliked sports, so I stopped running around and kicking balls. Instead I spent my time dissecting and rebuilding computers, and later programming and playing games on them.
The problem with a happy childhood is that there are no real stand-out moments that I can easily relate to and write about. I remember running around a lot — something I don’t do any more — and being a lot more bouncy than I am now. I remember being given a lot of attention from both my parents, and my inquisitive nature was never quashed. There’s a lot to be said for gentle guidance and the continual feeding of a young, impressionable mind.
I don’t propose to know more about parenting than anyone else — God knows I’ve not done it myself yet — but bringing up a child ‘correctly’ must be an interesting balancing act, if ‘correctly’ can even be defined (something to do with societal norms, I guess). I have friends that were brought up by completely claustrophobia-inducing and burgeoning parents, and I also have friends that might as well not had parents. Obviously I can’t be objective, as I’m the one in the middle, but I definitely think I’m the most ‘balanced’ of any of my friends.
It reminds me of my first week at university — do you know who partied the hardest, drunkenly slept with the most people and got horrendously sick? The kids that came from very strict backgrounds.
Temperance is the way forward!
Oh, just to tie it all up… Despite the hair, I do look a lot cuter in the picture than the modern-day hairy Sebastian, right? You can even see my dimple! Nice comments might encourage me to do a ‘Sebastian as a teenager’ entry (still sporting the Beatles bowl-cut!! Thank you, mother).
I also want to add that I still own the Transformer that you can see at the bottom of the photo… it’s on a shelf behind me, looking very dirty, dusty and worse for wear, but still very much my favourite toy.
Jossie Posie
Feb 26, 2009
Can I please just start out by saying that you were beyond adorable. Really I want to snuggle your 3 year old self. Secondly, I think your word choice to describe my horrendous pic was spot on. So I won’t be killing you
To answer your question, my name is actually Jossie, while technically a nickname for Josselyn my mother wanted to be different and just use the short version. So yeah, Jossie it is.
And lastly, I have to agree that when you have a perfectly happy childhood it is hard to pin point bits and pieces of it. The memories all tend to blend together. But I think I’m okay with that.
Now, pretty please post a Seb pic as a teenager. I don’t know if I have the courage to do that myself but I would really love to see the haircut at 17
sebastian
Feb 26, 2009
You don’t know how long I erred for, wondering if ‘blood clot’ was too harsh… I’m glad it wasn’t!
It’s kind of sad that I went from being adorable to huge, hairy and intense. Perhaps I should just shave the beard off and embrace looking like an emo, floppy-fringed teenager again…
Jossie’s a very cute name to have on a birth certificate!
I don’t think the world is ready for a teenage photo of me… I was cute and adorable as a child, and I’m kind of ruggedly handsome now… but in between… well… the term ‘androgynous’ and the phrase ‘oh dear, that poor thing’ come to mind.
pinkjellybaby
Feb 26, 2009
Yes, very cute picture…. although it looks like your hair might have give you a bit of a ‘static’ problem… thin and flyaway!
I don’t have much to complain about in so much as I looked pretty good as a kid and always had nice clothes…. but I was painfully shy and quiet (only child) and was also bullied, although I still have no idea why to this day. Though there is evidence that I was indeed very cheeky.
I very much like this idea for a post… but in the event that I don’t do it, here is a sneak peak at me aged 4: http://photos-c.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sf2p/v63/25/111/612265180/n612265180_79978_6896.jpg
If it doesn’t work, I apologise for breaking your blog….again.
Sarcastically Bitter
Feb 26, 2009
You were such a cute little kid!!
I had a shitty childhood.
And I had strict parents and yes I was one of the kids who partied the hardest in university and that landed me on the dean’s vacation list. Ouch! I got super good marks the next year….at a different school.
I also have zero self-esteem.
sebastian
Feb 26, 2009
Pinky, you were delightfully cute… maybe the cutest child I’ve ever seen. I guess it was fairly given that you would grow up to be pretty!
My hair is now quite thick, I think. I was one of those babies that had a lot of hair — born with a full head of hair, I think. Thank you for not requesting a Seb-at-16 update
I always got great marks, Ms. Bitter — but my teachers were always incredibly bitter that I always obtained 100%, but without seemingly trying. So my reports always read ‘Brilliant, but could try harder.’ — Then give me harder work, damnit!
Eleni
Feb 27, 2009
Aw, very cute picture. The hair’s not so bad! My mom gave me these awful, thick bangs when I was a child… Sadly I don’t have any pictures from before college on my computer. I need to raid my parents’ photo albums and scan some pictures in.
sebastian
Feb 27, 2009
You should see the hair, circa 1994-96… This was an early stage when I didn’t have enough hair to look truly awful.
Thick bangs could either be dorky or adorable; which one was it?
andhari
Feb 27, 2009
Are you sure that is you? Because you know he doesnt looklike a mean person
HAHA
sebastian
Feb 27, 2009
You’re so cute when you’re being funny!
Sadly that’s not very often…
floreta
Feb 27, 2009
OMG! is this blog consciousness or what!? i’m totally preparing a piece where i’m posting a picture of me as a kid… WITH A BOWL CUT!!! and, i would have thought you were paul, not john.
i can imagine your voice reading this entry.
sebastian
Feb 27, 2009
I’m in your heeeeeead!
John would be my preference, what with my love of Wings — but more importantly… who is more adorable, you or I?
I thought about doing an audio rant about my childhood… I think people might find that quite approachable, and easily relatable.
Perhaps my teenage years will be accompanied with an audio prologue…
Onur
Feb 27, 2009
will bite your lil nose..!
sebastian
Feb 27, 2009
Apparently my nose is the only thing I got from my father! In every other way, we don’t look at all alike
floreta
Feb 27, 2009
haha i think you look more adorable in a bowl cut than i.
sebastian
Feb 27, 2009
The proof is, as they say, in the pudding! Hahaha… hahaa… …
Renee
Feb 28, 2009
That photo is utterly adorable. The haircut doesn’t even seem all that bad, but I have to admit there are some massive levels of fail required to make three year olds look not cute.
As for insecurity, especially with the opposite sex? Um yeah. I got it. Granted, I’ve only met one guy that I was interested in who actually ended up being interested in me. I get the feeling that I have this special radar for guys who are not interested in dating me. And apparently on top of that I’m “intimidating”. So you’re not alone in that part of unhappiness. That said, when we hung out, you seemed to be unendingly confident and cheeky. Then again, you had a girlfriend at the time. So what do I know…
sebastian
Feb 28, 2009
It’s completely fine when I’m the platonic-and-hilarious stage… it’s the next one which I have a few troubles with!
I wouldn’t call you intimidating at all… I know *I* probably come under that category though, and it’s reason I should probably shave and try to look ‘clean’. Maybe girls wouldn’t find me so brutish and hairy and … scary …!
Renee
Mar 2, 2009
Hairy? Yes. Brutish and scary? Hahahaha… No. If you’re nearly half as fun as when you’re platonic you can put any girl at ease. And you don’t look scary. That said, I’ve written this in my blog and it is worth repeating: putting the effort in to look nice goes a long with a guy being hot. But I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you (in a photo) in a suit and all that so I’m pretty sure you know that routine. But seriously – shave or trim your beard real nice. A really nice fitted suit or outfit. Lean cuts are very flattering. There’s a reason why American girls go crazy over Italian guys after all…