How to get, and keep, a geeky guy
I’m taking a quick break from my tirade against religion to talk about a topic quite close to my heart, and probably quite interesting to girls too:
How do you get, and keep, a geeky guy?
Now, if you’ve read my previous articles on dorkiness, geekiness and nerdiness, the main thing that seperates us from ‘normal men’ is that we have a very strong interest in one or more subjects. Geeks are passionate, dorks are very passionate, and nerds are so passionate that nothing else matters.
This will focus on getting, dating and securing geeks and dorks; nerds are outside the scope of this article (and often the scope of real life…)
So, you want to land yourself a geek? Isn’t that easy? They’re all sex-mad, unloved dweebs…
The common misconception is that geeky guys are easy; they don’t have high expectations, so you can treat them badly, or generally mistreat them — they’ll still hang around like a bruised, loyal puppy.
This is false!
The first thing to keep in mind is that geeks are intelligent. Perhaps their intelligence is applied in a strange way (they might know the entire cast, including extras, of a given episode of Star Trek), but they are generally quite smart. In all likelihood, if you mistreat a geek, he will simply lose interest in you and go back to perfecting his skills in World of Warcraft. You need to be smart, and treat a geek with respect! A geek won’t be interested in a girl that just wants him for his penis…! Remember that geeky guys aren’t laden down with the masculine insecurities like other men. We love the idea of a strong, successful woman. A wilting wallflower of a girl with nary an opinion of anything is not much of a turn-on — quite the opposite, as we tend to have very strong opinions ourselves!
Which leads me onto the next point:
You need to be a good listener
Geeks, in general, don’t get out a lot. When asked who they consider their friends to be it’s not unlikely that the list will include an ‘AcidBurn’ or ‘AssassinDude’. There’s a reason that many geeks step-over into the nerdishness — there’s no one to hold their hand; no one to hold them back and say ‘No, stay with us in the realm of the living.’ What a geek most wants is someone to talk to, someone to vent their (sometimes very esoteric) peevishness at. Geeks might find very quaint things irritating or distracting — it’s your job to listen, and nod, and smile as a geek regales you of his daily woes.
When you rouse a geek from his prone position behind his keyboard, try to listen to his trials and tribulations for 10 minutes or so. He doesn’t expect you to offer any solutions; just listen. It’s nice to have someone that wants to listen… (I need to get a girlfriend!)
If you have the balls, and the intellect to interject– and perhaps even offer a a good counter-view — we’ll probably just fall in love with you on the spot.
Be direct, and assertive
This is probably the most important tip for getting a geeky boyfriend.
The problem with being a geek (or dork, or nerd) is that our ability to read your body language or flirtacious signals is bad. Being stuck in our bedrooms, or basements, or comic book shops, we don’t eperience a lot of human interaction. It’s not that we’re ignoring your advances — we don’t know you’re advancing! Geeks are not good at ambiguity — you need to be direct, certain or even… dominant. Winking and gently flirting is very unlikely to score you a geek; just grab him and make out, it’s easier. It’ll also awaken that long-lost demon within, that rampant beast that might’ve lain dormant for many years… of course I am talking about:
The sex drive
It is your job, as the woman, to remind the geek that sex is available. In fact, it’s your job to remind him of things like: showering, eating and getting out of the house occasionally. Don’t hesitate to wrap your arms around us, from behind, and urge us to leave the computer for a bit of fornication. It might appear that we’re not interested in sex, but the fact is we’re just concentrating on other things… like Battlestar Galactica. Once lured away from our computers we will quickly rediscover our libido, and it’s said that geeks make the best lovers too, so please… remind us to have sex at least occasionally. Thanks!
But don’t stifle our geekiness!
While being dragged away from our Dungeons & Dragons books makes for a nice, occasional respite, don’t go over the top! Don’t spend your days reminding us that you want more attention, or that we should get away from our computers more. You have to remember that while a geek might love you, he probably loves his hobbies just as much — and his hobbies have the advantage that they are often inanimate objects that don’t whine a lot…
Basically, geeks are incredibly low maintenance. Obviously, if you need something in particular from a geek, don’t hesitate to ask. If you haven’t had sex in a week, tell him! If you need a shoulder to cry on, let him know.
Just please, for the love of God, don’t try the ‘it’s time to choose: me, or your computer’ line. Believe me, you’re not going to win that one.
Related posts:
Yup. Agree with all of that. Well played
March 18th, 2009 at 4:10 pmI love this post! I want a geek! It would be nice to have someone with computer knowledge around. I had a few geeky bf’s. One downloaded a very old computer game for me that I used to play as a child. I loved it and played it for hours. I even had to go to the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas (which apparently shut down) with one. It wasn’t as painful as I thought. I actually enjoyed Quark’s Bar. My lunch was fantastic and the frozen alcoholic drinks were AMAZING.
March 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pmDo you have a geeky guy, Pink? Perhaps you’d like to add your own tip…!
I think the next step to this post, Miss Bitter, would be ‘How to find a geek…’ as I imagine some people like you would love a geek, you just can’t track a suitable one down…!
(I’m not a huge Star Trek geek… but Quark has funny ears!!)
March 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pmOh ok. I would say to get involved in the geekiness. I’ve found there’s nothing a Geek likes more than you saying “ok, show me how to play this game then” BUT don’t take it all as a joke.
You know what I mean.
March 18th, 2009 at 4:18 pmDo you have a special technique for keeping a straight face… or are you actually interested?
March 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pmi can relate to this. my exes have been geeky and i was the whiney girlfriend
March 18th, 2009 at 4:21 pmGreat post…I think one of things that geeky men love more than anything else is when you take an active role in their geekiness. I learned to play WoW to spend time with the ex-hubby and the ex-bf and I used to play WoW together too, other console games, he was teaching me to play D&D and we bought foam swords so we could duel in the house.
It was a lot of fun and bonus it got him away from the computer
I have found absolutely nothing lacking in the geeky mans sex drive actually, in my experience they haven’t needed coercing to fornicate.
I think in some cases my level of geekiness may surpass theirs but as long as you partake in what they love they will partake in what you do.
March 18th, 2009 at 4:31 pmWell, I didn’t mean that we don’t have a sex drive, we just let it get bogged down underneath the layers of roleplaying, and bug-fixing and gaming! An ex of mine used to love sitting on my lap in nothing but some little panties, while I was gaming… that usually changed my focus rather quickly…
Foam swords? I think we’re out of Geekshire and well into Dorkdom with foam swords!
March 18th, 2009 at 4:37 pmOh I’m actually quite interested – most of the time
March 18th, 2009 at 4:40 pm“The common misconception is that geeky guys are easy; they don’t have high expectations, so you can treat them badly, or generally mistreat them — they’ll still hang around like a bruised, loyal puppy.
This is false! ”
This is only false if you’re actually talking about relationships. I think most geeks would be happy to be mistreated during one night stands, a few slaps here, a few bites there and even perhaps a back full of scratchmarks…
I guess that sortof concludes most guys however…
Also!
‘it’s time to choose: me, or your computer’
I think that’s a matter of principle rather than a matter of preference. The computer doesn’t force me to choose, but if my significant other would, the mere principle would make me refuse – either it be a computer, a favourite pet or that shiney rock I keep under my bed.
…long read, but pleasant!
March 18th, 2009 at 5:20 pmI’m quite surprised over your talent of writing, you could perhaps even one day write a book!
Your first point is accurate; but it’s not like geeky guys go out clubbing all that often. ‘Let’s go out and get laid!’ is a phrase I have heard geeks use maybe… twice… ever! (And I knew a LOT of geeks at university).
I would hazard a guess that geeks, being not quite so masculine, are probably more sensitive in that whole area. They probably want loving, exclusive relationships. Not every geek of course, but I would guess that’s a good generality!
Generally bite marks are frowned upon though, at least in visible locations… I learnt that the hard way…
You have a point, about principles. No one should ever make you choose between two things that you love! And by asking, the girl is just reaffirming your choice that the computer is a better recipient for your inconsolable and sticky-fingered love…
(Thanks — it’s long, because I’m trying to get used to writing a book…!)
March 18th, 2009 at 5:28 pmLooooove this post!
Married to the computer variety of nerd, but not so much the battlestar galactica sort of nerd. brilliant and gorgeous – just thinking about it makes me want to stroke his cranium. I had to at first explain to him that indeed, sex was available, very true.
I think it should be it’s own sort of fetish.
Wait, is it?
March 18th, 2009 at 6:28 pmOh Seb there is nothing wrong with Dorkdom, you just wish you could have fake battled with foam swords with your exes. It’ll happen one day you’ll meet a girl who possesses my insane level of dork!
March 18th, 2009 at 6:32 pmI WAS the president of the roleplaying society at university, Jossie. I have spectated dorks running around in the woods, swinging foam swords… in fake chain mail…
LARP… The one frontier I am yet to cross…
Muppet, I think there are quite a few girls in your boat. Calling it a fetish would further pigeon-hole us as some kind of freaks… I would prefer a more embracing term!
March 18th, 2009 at 6:47 pmI had to send this to the wife unit! Seems lately she has forgotten how to keep her geek.
(maybe I should stop referring to my computer as “my girlfriend” too!)
“You love your computer more than you love me!!” You know why?? Because when she gets whiney I format her and start her off the right way!
March 19th, 2009 at 1:45 amHah! Hopefully she’ll change her ways!
I was always under the impression that women were trying install something different into our brains anyway. Something more complaint to their devious, needy ways…!
I think you’re OK to keep calling it your girlfriend, as long as only your online friends hear you
March 19th, 2009 at 1:53 am“It’s nice to have someone that wants to listen… (I need to get a girlfriend!)”
… But isn’t this what you have your blog for?
I, too, have never crossed into LARPing (though I will admit I have a couple costume pieces that would be well suited for it). In general I abhor reality TV, but I did watch a few episodes of “Beauty and the Geek” one season where the winning beauty-geek team was a babysitter and a LARPer. They were totally adorable and really deserved to win. You gotta love a guy who knows how to use his foam sword.
I wonder if somewhere on the blogosphere guys are reading about how to woo a geeky girl like me…
March 19th, 2009 at 3:00 amI think that perhaps you might have to wait a year or two before geeky girls enter the limelight that geeky guys are currently enjoying…! But when the time comes, I will write an article, just for YOU!
Are you suggesting I use my blog as a quick and easy way to get girlfriends…?! (I am shocked and appalled, but slightly impressed at your observation.)
The problem I have with LARP is that every single damn LARPer has fit the LARPer stereotype. They’ve been smelly, hairy, spotty, skinny, fat, antisocial; sometimes all of that together! I have one good friend that LARPed once who doesn’t fit the bill — but, as I said, that was only once. He said the LARPers scared him. And he’s the kind of guy that when he tabletop roleplays he doesn’t even blink at the thought of eating babies for sustenance. So when he says the LARPers are scary, I believe him.
LARPers and Furries. Ruining it for the rest of us, I tell you!
March 19th, 2009 at 3:10 amYou forgot to say, “don’t flirt with a geek too much, or he will insult your intelligence… possibly by reffering to your imagination as an anorexic!”
March 19th, 2009 at 4:25 amI didn’t forget it; that’s in the ‘So you really want to get a geek, but you don’t know how’ bumper edition that’s going to be syndicated in girly magazines around the world.
You’re not that thin! Let it go!
March 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pmI meant that you use your blog to talk about all the things that cross your mind, so then you shouldn’t need a girlfriend to talk to…
March 20th, 2009 at 2:59 amYeah… but there’s no make-up sex after a particularly litigious blog entry
March 20th, 2009 at 3:01 am…But if you were impressed by my observation, perhaps I should have let you think that’s what I meant. Uh, have you succeeded in securing a girlfriend with your blog, or do you hope to?
March 20th, 2009 at 3:03 amAre you coming onto me? Eleni, Eleni… our hearts might be in the same, geeky place, but physically you are literally on the other side of the planet right now. Perhaps when we are not separated by seas that even our divine love can not bridge?
March 20th, 2009 at 3:08 amYay! Battlestar!
Oh wait, that’s not the point is it? *giggles*
June 24th, 2009 at 5:58 pm(This is a test, sorry if this finds its way to your inbox… I had to test something.)
October 26th, 2009 at 3:50 amWhat if you have discovered that the only man, who happens to be a geek, you have a “crush” on never desires to get married, or that they have no wish to ever have a relationship? And they are older than you?
January 15th, 2010 at 3:37 am