If I were a geek…
I’ve talked about music before — musicals, really — but what I haven’t told you is that I, like most grown men, have dirty, dark secrets hidden away in my music collection.
Secreted away, in places that even a competent government agency would struggle to find, I have music by artists such as William Shatner, Meatloaf and even, though I hesitate to admit this, Dashboard Confessional (that folder is hidden and encrypted, for obvious reasons…)
If that wasn’t dank and disturbing enough, you could dig even deeper. Delving further, you would find another directory; a directory with just a single file in it. The file is ominously titled ‘Unimportant-Dont-Click-Me-Please.mp3′. If you’d found this file, and saw through my epic ruse, you’d be be greeted with this:
Yes, I love Beyonce’s ‘If I were a boy’. Don’t ask me why… I just do! I don’t really want to discuss it, so I’ll just move on to the actual point of this entry — I’ve re-written the lyric to ‘If I were a boy’. A cute little American songwriter, upon reading the re-worked lyric blurted out that: ‘You have talent, Seb!’
I’m not too sure about that, but if you even laugh once, I’ll consider it time well spent. As the lyric is, er, geeky, I’ve hyperlinked some of the more esoteric terms, so you an understand it fully!
Press play and try to sing along… it fits… just about!
If I were a geek — sung by Beyonce Knowles, written by Tony Gad & BC Jean
If I were a geek even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the evening
And throw on a black t-shirt
And go ‘round Sheldon’s with dice
And chase after elves
I’d roll dice as much as I wanted
And I’d never get a girlfriend but it
Doesn’t matter ‘cause neither does he
If I were a geek
I think I could understand
How it feels to love myself
I swear I’d be a better nerd
I’d listen to my GM
‘Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the ‘toon you levelled
‘Cause a hacker got your password
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a geek
I would turn on my iPhone
Tell everyone it’s awesome
‘ Cause I can watch porn when I’m alone
I’d swing my sword first
And read the rules as I go
‘Cause really, no one questions
A geek with a sword, and lightning bolts, lightning bolt!
If I were a geek
I think I could understand
How it feels to love myself
I swear I’d be a better nerd
I’d listen to my GM
‘Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the ‘toon you levelled
‘Cause a hacker got your password
And everything you had got destroyed
It’s never too late for you to go back
Say it’s just a mistake
You should take it right back
If you thought Hilton hotter than Leia
You thought wrong
But you’re just a geek
You don’t understand
(And put the Gaiman book down, oh)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you went out more
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the ‘toon you levelled
‘Cause you took the chinaman for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you’re just a geek
***
I am currently in talks with a talented singer to perform the song with my new lyric… I will of course post it, when she does so!
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very nice! I don’t really get everything…even with the little links…but still I’m impressed! and Sheldon is awesome!
March 27th, 2009 at 7:50 amAww you really ARE a geek. It’s just been confirmed
March 27th, 2009 at 9:00 amI’ll only officially be a geek when I get the girl to sing it… perhaps with me playing a cameo role in the video…!
It wasn’t THAT geeky, Hannah…!
March 27th, 2009 at 11:56 amVery nice
March 27th, 2009 at 3:28 pmum it kinda was…but in a cute way.
It was that video that made it really geeky, I mean, that’s taking the renaissance fair to a whole new level.
March 27th, 2009 at 4:06 pmOh, as long as it was in a cute way…
(He says, cockily grinning, because it was his plan all along…)
March 27th, 2009 at 4:09 pmgeeks actually plan out their cuteness-factor?
March 27th, 2009 at 4:30 pmat first when i read that you rewrote the lyrics i was all “seriously?”
March 27th, 2009 at 6:16 pmand then i read them through and was like “wait, this is sebastian….and this doesn’t really surprise me.”
haha! love it=)
Well, most geeks are highly analytical, Hannah… so it’s only sensible to plan everything…!
Can you sing, Maddie? I am looking for a few girls to sing it, and upload to Youtube…
March 27th, 2009 at 6:20 pmThat really smoked as a video. If I just heard the song on the radio, I would have clicked to another station within the first 6-8 seconds. Given good road conditions. But watching it unfold was a good dose of micro-entertainment.
Pagan Sphinx
March 27th, 2009 at 8:05 pmBut what about my lyric, Sphinxy…?
(If you scroll down past the awful video, you’ll find my geeky lyric…!)
March 27th, 2009 at 8:07 pmOh, yeah. Looks like I’ll have to come back to evaluate that, as it sounds now like I am on the hook.
Right now, I’m leaving to hang out in Amherst, Massachusetts. Maybe there, I’ll spot a boy who looks like you…
PS
March 27th, 2009 at 8:22 pmI don’t think anyone looks really like me…
Except Colin Farrell of course; he’s hot!
Have fun… hanging!
March 27th, 2009 at 8:33 pmLOVE IT! and I can’t wait to actually hear it!
March 27th, 2009 at 9:41 pmI think you might be the first person to respond that might actually understand all of the terms used…
You strike me as the kind of person that MIGHT have tried LARPing in the past… once… under a pseudonym…
March 27th, 2009 at 9:52 pmNobody looks like you? I think you may be right. You don’t seem to look like yourself. Are you older or just hairier in the pink tee-shirt photo? As compared to self-portrait with halo?
And I thought you made a perfectly respectable boy. Of course, maybe in action…with the wrist limp and all…
Oh, and while I’m here. I’d like to invite you to come by for my Friday Nudes?
March 28th, 2009 at 12:00 amMy appearance is fairly flexible! Long hair, short hair, beard, no beard… every alteration makes me look years older, or years younger… or like Colin Farrell…
The pink t-shirt one (I assume you mean the up-close one) was from Turkey, 2007. The halo self-portrait is 2005 I think.
But yeah, for Turkey I was very hairy — for that particular America trip I had cut my hair quite short, and had generally made myself look all young and fairly pretty. I figured I should look hairy and Arab for Turkey…
(Am I taking photos of Friday Nudes, or am I the subject…?)
March 28th, 2009 at 12:05 amHaha, that’s pretty good. Especially for someone who’s so anti-lyrics
. It’s no “White and Nerdy”, but it’s still very funny.
I actually didn’t know that Beyonce song. I like it, and the music video is surprisingly touching. Listened to it three times, and now I’m going to be singing it all weekend. But I am a little surprised that a guy would like it.
March 28th, 2009 at 3:10 amIt was like… a mega hit! Though, mainly in European countries I think. And considering you’re as geeky as me, I guess it’s no surprise that you might not have heard it on the radio or something.
(Talk radio and radio plays are where it’s at, right?!)
I thought about doing a ‘White and Nerdy’ style thing, but a) it’s not a rap, and b) the original lyric is pretty good, so I thought I should try to keep it fairly close! Who knows… I might turn into a full-blown lyricphile if I write another…
March 28th, 2009 at 3:21 amSorry to say this, but I wasn’t actually thinking about you in the nude. At least not when I extended that particular invitation
But if you have some nice entries to share, please do send them along!
March 28th, 2009 at 3:14 pmI have the same secret relationship with really bad movies.
March 28th, 2009 at 9:48 pmYou can’t just say that without giving an example…
March 28th, 2009 at 9:53 pmYeah, I’ve never been good with keeping up to date with music. I’m really good with movies and TV shows, but when it comes to music, I only pick up on a select handful of hits each year. It’s a shame, really.
March 29th, 2009 at 3:34 amWhy bother with modern music when you can have Stevie Wonder…!
(He was very good on American Idol this week too! This must be his sixth decade of performance, or something unreal…)
March 29th, 2009 at 12:44 pmWowie! I won’t admit to liking that Beyonce song but your lyrics made me giggle, and I don’t giggle. Like, ever.
PS- I like that you replied to me on Twitter to get me to read this blog. It worked.
May 7th, 2009 at 5:46 amNice, I liked that a lot! Loved the references. To what particular Gaiman book were you referring to? Oh man, I just realized that you have a Goodreads account (me too!). Time to go judge you by what you like! ;P
January 3rd, 2010 at 3:14 am