Despite my tirade against showers in specific and personal hygiene in general, I have to admit that a lot of incredibly wise and incendiary thoughts come to me in the bathroom. Those thoughts that strike you, out of the blue, and completely change the course of your day — or entire life, in the case of some famous Greek philosophers!

Once, for example, I was reaching down to soap that bit of my legs that I don’t see all that often (at a guess, it was my calf  — when you’re tall like me, there are outlying parts of your body that you might only see every other year), when inspiration hit, like a beam of holy light lancing down upon my up-turned visage: I should design a site that allows people to freely stream the contents of their computer screen! Sadly, I was beaten to that one by a week or two when UStream launched (and they do it really well!)

But the point I was trying to make is: some of our greatest inspirations come to us while we’re just sitting/standing/laying there and being.

And thus I found myself this evening,  standing up from my gleaming white throne and looking down at the silvery knobs that controlled the fate of my stodgy deposit. In that brief moment, looking from knobs to deposit, and deposit to knobs, I reflected on the sheer quantity of the food I ate earlier today.

Opting for the larger, more powerful flush, I stumbled back to the living room and collapsed flatulently on to the sofa.

I had intended to rant today about monotheistic religion and its poor suitability and applicability to modern civilisation, but I thought it could wait until tomorrow, after the food has settled and the massive amount of insulin has left my system before I try to write sensibly on such a sensitive topic.

So, saving the topic of religion for tomorrow, I’ll simply leave you with the list of food that I ate today, in audio format (so that you can hear the pain that I’m still suffering in my voice).

I suffered, so that ye can enjoy! Just like Jesus. Oops, it slipped in…

(If you can’t see the player, you’ll have to view it on my blog!)

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I am a tall, hairy, British writer who blogs about technology, photography, travel, and whatever else catches my eye.