LAN parties are awesome and clubbing is crap
Recently, my geekiness was called into question: ‘You’re not very geeky, Sebastian. All you talk about is sex. Sex, sex, sex. That’s hardly wholesome geeky talk. How about some Star Wars talk, or a list of all the comics you own?’
Let me tell you something, Little Miss I’m-a-bigger-geek-than-you : I AM A HUGE GEEK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
The thing is, like my sexuality, I am so confident in my geekiness that I don’t feel the need to constantly reassure myself, and you lot, that I’m a geek. So, please excuse me if I don’t always talk about a fantastic new range of marbled dice or if the digital Yoda was better than the original wobbly-eared bogey-coloured rubber model.
However…
This weekend I will be attending a LAN party.
A LAN party, for those of you that don’t know — for those of you not geeky enough – is a ‘gaming festival’. It can be small — just 5 or 10 people — or it can be huge. By huge, I mean thousands of people.
Click it for a larger version. Really, click it. It even amazes me.
DreamHack, the largest LAN party in the world, has over 11,000 (eleven thousand) paying attendees. That’s 11,000 people transporting their computers from all over Sweden and Europe. The one I attend, the i-series, ‘only’ has around 2000 attendees — but really, it’s not like you walk around and shake hands with everyone there. The point is: when you stand up — you know, to check if your legs still work — all you can see is computer screens. And towers of consumed energy drink cans. And pizza boxes.
If you were to take a walk around a LAN to check out what the latest ‘case mod‘ fashions are, or what the other gaming areas are like, the first thing you’d notice is just how well everyone gets along. There’s a constant roar of chatter, and regular outbursts of shouting and roaring when a team wins a tournament match. The overall feeling is very much one of friendship and camaraderie. Geeks, ultimately, are still social outcasts. LAN parties are the only place where geeks can be themselves. The ‘cool’ facade drops. Let it all hang out — literally, in some cases.
We geeks are beginning to emerge, but it’s happening slowly. The massive success of video games in the last few years has certainly helped — it is becoming more and more common to hear discussion of video games (like WoW, or COD4) out in the ‘real world’. It’s still mainly in the 19-35 male segment, but girls are catching up!
Until LAN parties become the social norm — and we still have a few years left, trust me — the antithesis, the polar opposite, of LAN partying is clubbing.
I’ve clubbed. At university I clubbed and pubbed. I did the social thing, often 6 nights a week for 3 years. I get it and I understand why people enjoy it; why people enjoy drinking, and dancing, and losing their mind. What I don’t get is why people would club when given an alternative, like a LAN party, or simply going around to a friend’s house.
I’m going to list the pros and cons of each, so I can prove why LAN parties are so much cooler than the alternative:
Clubbing Pros:
- If you’re ugly, you can probably get laid, with enough alcohol (in you, and the unfortunate recipient)
- You can forget about all your troubles and woes — like Cheers, only with worse music — if you drink enough
- The endorphins (the euphoria) from dancing are actually quite good for you!
- A silent disco has a lot going for it but they’re not very popular… yet!
Clubbing Cons:
- If you’re female, you’ll probably get hit on by ugly guys that think they can get into your pants if they ply you with enough cheap alcohol (and date rape is no laughing matter!)
- You’ll get tinnitus, like me, which is permanent. Enjoy the ringing in your ears as you try to sleep. I hope you didn’t like listening to the quiet bits in songs. Can you tell that I’m bitter?
- I hear the liver transplant waiting list is quite long
- You can’t hear ANYTHING in a damn club. Communication, other than the ‘point at the body part you want licked’ variety (which can be quite fun), is rendered completely impossible
- Often, you have to listen to really shit music (though it does vary)
LAN Party Pros
- You can hear yourself think — perhaps some clubbers don’t like having to hear their own thoughts? Or they don’t have thoughts… Empty, hollow shells…
- Interactive fun! Video games are healthy for the brain.
- Communicative (not, like, diseases) and team-building! Most of the games played at LAN parties are multiplayer games involving a lot of teamwork (read: shouting)
- You can make money doing it! Pro gamers can take home thousands of pounds/dollars. Eventually they’ll take home the girl too! When there is a girl to take…
- Headphones are required! You can even listen to your own music while you game! And then you can take them off to talk to people! How damn futuristic is that?
LAN Party Cons
- Your gear can get stolen (though it’s rare, and security is generally quite good at larger LANs)
- Sleep deprivation is rife (not quite as bad as liver failure though, is it?)
Wow, that’s a very short list of cons, isn’t it? That’s because LAN Parties are awesome. Clubbing only really has one thing going for it (the euphoria), something you could easily get elsewhere — on a roller coaster, or something!
From Thursday through Monday I’ll be at a LAN party. Admittedly, that’s less of a weekend and more of a ‘half week’, but a weekend sounds a little less geeky. Four of us will be going, and we’ll be sleeping in a 3-man tent. One or two of them actually read my blog, and I’m told they are slightly alarmed by my coming out. Wusses.
Ideally, we’d take some girls with us, but guess what — and this will come as a shock — LAN parties are about 95% male. It was about 99% a few years ago, with that 1% being ‘possibly female’ (it’s amazing how hard it is to differentiate between male and female geeks after a few weeks of growth and stagnation — even facial hair isn’t as much of a clue as it should be). Nowadays there are a few girls dotted around — proper ones, without beards — though they tend to be the token girlfriends of geek boys. There is the occasional bona fide geek girl, but they are rare. And coveted. I hope to get myself one, one day.
Geek girls, go to a LAN party! Don’t be afraid! Geek boys don’t bite — they just kinda… grab… when you least expect it. But don’t let that deter you! Even if you’re an anime girl (that’s only one step away from being a furry), you’d fit in at a LAN. LAN parties are like a modern-day Bohemian dream where everyone, no matter how weird and different from the societal norms can hang out and have fun!
I have a dream. One day soon the phrase ‘Hey, wanna go out clubbing?’ will become outmoded, replaced by ‘Hey, come over my place! We’ll crack open a few beers and play some Grand Theft Auto or World of Warcraft‘. It will be a better world; a world with less alcoholism and debauchery. Imagine, if everyone knew what it felt like to play on a Nintendo and grin like a kid, giddy with the magic of it all — wouldn’t that be a much more fun world to live in?
Sell your dancing shoes. Buy a console (and read my beginner’s guide to gaming!)
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Hmmmm I CAN see the appeal…. but I do really like me a bit of dancing… a lot. And I have to be drunk to dance infront of people…so that’s that…
Plus I’m not nearly enough of a game geek and not nearly good enough at any game to warrant calling myself ‘geek’….plus I generally get WAY too shouty and sweary when playing games to do it in too much company.
So for now, I’ll stick to gaming at home and clubbing for fun…
April 8th, 2009 at 7:39 amI went to a LAN party once. There was a powercut, which was slightly prohibitive.
April 8th, 2009 at 8:38 amWe played Boggle.
Sebby you forgot a major con of lans… LAN DEATH or ‘the plague’. (flu-like symptoms that can persist for days ot weeks, bought on from 1) lack of sleep 2) lack of nutritional food due to all the processed food 3) high alcohol consumption 4) proximity and direct contact with thousands of people, whose hygiene levels differ greatly…
Before a LAN, I always stock up on the vitamin C and I make sure I wash my hands during the event akin to having OCD.
But I do agree with you that LANs > Clubbing. When I used to club I found it was more anti-social than anything. I didn’t WANT to talk to random drunk strangers… I went clubbing to dance! Usually in my own little world on the dance floor… Sure i would go with friends…. but its the last place I would ever want to have some meaningful social interaction with a stranger. LANs on the other hand are fantastic to socialize at, and still have fun!
April 8th, 2009 at 9:22 amWow, bit of an unfortunate turd-lookalike avatar there, Lisa
Luck of the draw, I guess… It’s almost like those hairs on your head are stink-lines… You always smell like roses, too!
I was trying to keep the list of Cons short! There’s no need to tell everyone about The Plague, or how those in the middle of last summer’s LAN almost died of heat exhaustion… But you’re right — I always try to eat fairly healthily at LANs, including fruit, and lots of water. There’s always the newbies that insist on eating only fat and sugar, and that can’t be much more healthy than clubbing.
Abi, serious gamers have redundant power supplies… … I even bring my own generator.
Pinky, you’re just too damn cool for me. You should try being a *forms a square with his fingers*.
Gaming at home is a step in the right direction though… good to vent that pent-up anger in the safety of your own home!
April 8th, 2009 at 10:44 amOf course there are more Pros than Cons. Another pro that might attract ‘non-gamers or casual gamers’, would be all the other social, off-the-computer games that people play. There is the Saturday night quiz which usually attracts 300-400 people. Karaoke, DDR (dance dance revolution mats), Poker, various other card games like Magic, Werewolves, Dominion etc… Onsite they have some quad bikes you can take out, some go paintballing & airsofting. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some others, but yes it’s not just a place for geeks…
April 8th, 2009 at 10:59 amI love how you neglected to mention the three glaring cons:
1. LAN parties are just a small bit antisocial and..
2. LAN parties are the WORST places to meet girls.
3. You are 10,000000 times more likely to get laid at a club.
Convenient of you to omit them in your list..
April 8th, 2009 at 11:57 am1. How are they antisocial?
April 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am2. They are the worst because girls are not present — they’re all at the club, trying to get laid.
3. See previous.
“Trying”?
I think you’ll find it’s the guys who are “trying” to get laid. All girls have to do to get laid is say yes.
April 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pmA roomful of guys wearing headphones staring at their computer screens is sociable?
I’d rather get drunk and communicate with people by means of increasingly creative and elaborate sign language.
WHO WANTS ME ON THEIR CORPORATE TEAM???
April 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pmI think you need to come along to a LAN (if you like video games, of course). Or read what Lisa said above you, rather than spouting angry, alcohol-fueled CLUBBER TALK.
LANs are only half about sitting in front of a computer, gaming — not to mention, people don’t play single-player games at LANs, they’re playing multiplayer games with everyone around them. Talking, shouting, bantering, competing. When one clan loses, they go and talk to the winners… find out what went wrong, congratulate them, etc!
Then there’s the REST of the LAN… there is drinking, and other non-computer games, and giveaways and the commercial booths!
Don’t be irrational just because you’ve never BEEN! Never rule something out unless you’ve tried it at least once. If humans did that, they’d still be sitting in their caves, afraid of the world!
April 8th, 2009 at 12:45 pmAre you comparing me to a caveman? *sigh*
Are you always this argumentative?
April 8th, 2009 at 12:50 pmI’m not comparing you to anything… just saying that if you sit on one opinion, without giving any other point of view a chance, that’s irrational!
I’m very argumentative, especially if it’s something I know a lot about. Problem is, I tend to know a lot about lots of things…
April 8th, 2009 at 12:55 pmExcept girls.
You’ve been lie-telling…!!
April 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pmI work in clubbing business. Maybe we shouldnt talk anymore.
Heh.
April 8th, 2009 at 1:18 pmI’ve clubbed. I enjoy clubbing, with friends, occasionally. The euphoria is certainly attractive
But if I had to choose between LANing every night, or clubbing… it would be the LANing!
April 8th, 2009 at 1:23 pmI think I got laid after my last LAN party…. I was one of two girls attending (that brought computers)… but well, I had a laptop and it appropriately crapped out. … This was back in 2005 though. And well, I was dating a nerd in attendance.
I have to say, LAN parties can be VERY social. We had ours in the large lounge that connects a couple of our dorms (Dorkfest 2.0), and we also set up a room with an xbox and had a projector with DDR (eh)… I’d say most of campus wandered through and a good deal stayed and hung out with us.
The year before it was in a secluded lounge with minimal foot traffic… with about 20-30 people in attendance. I think only one girl that year played… and about 5 (myself included) just hung out with the boys. But it was still a great time.
LAN parties are a great place to meet geeky boys. If a guy is willing to take a break (when not doing a tournament) and talk to you either about the game or otherwise, then he’s probably not so far gone that he won’t be suitable boyfriend material. And if they don’t notice you during play or whatever, just wait until they take a break… If they’re willing to chat for a bit, then yeah, show him that you’re interested. From my experience, geeky boys LOVE when they’ve got someone who’ll reward their wins, and console them if they don’t…
Basically, and correct me if I’m wrong, for them: video games + sex/making out/attention from a girl = win.
April 8th, 2009 at 1:45 pm95% male… I like the odds. Maybe I should take up gaming…! The thing is, when I’ve tried I’ve been quite useless at it. I can really only do the ones where all you have to do is blow things up/set them of fire. Like Diablo. I rock at Diablo.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:05 pmAh, Diablo… button bashing, zombie slashing, dungeon crawling GOODNESS! But yes, a bit repetitive…
Diablo 3 will be out next year we believe, and it’ll probably be AWESOME.
There are games for everyone at LAN parties, and plenty of ‘girly games’ (though I’m not going to define what a girly game is… I want to keep my balls…)
I am pretty sure, as an attractive female like yourself, attending a LAN must be one hell of an experience. Really.
April 8th, 2009 at 2:10 pmRini (sorry, I was blinded by a particular little LAN naysayer who’s been emailing me…), you’re right on the money with your little geek boy + girl equation
There’s actually an underlying problem (which is in the focus of the industry right now) in that there isn’t enough ‘girl games’ being produced. Girls either have to like blowing shit up, or playing The Sims. It’s being worked on though, and we should see more ‘girl’ games (SingStar — the karaoke game — was actually one of the first ‘girl oriented’ games made, and that was only in recent years)
A geek guy desperately wants a girl to take their attention away from the gaming, if only for 5 minutes… (Kidding… ish)
April 8th, 2009 at 2:25 pmI like blowing things up. My favorite game in college was … Champions of Norrath? … I can’t remember, we called it SMASH AND KILL… mainly because a friend of mine (a former rugby player) and I would be large barbarians.. and would smash and kill things, while our friend who actually owned the game was some elf and was using more complicated things to kill people (and giant ants).
There’s an issue with the “girl games” though… PSP’s lilac model that came with Hannah Montana?… yeah. Not buying that. A few games on my list to buy/try/borrow: Mario Kart (Wii), Left4Dead, and Grid. Three different games, but I think I’d love them all the same. (I seriously need an xbox.)
April 8th, 2009 at 3:35 pmam I the only one who loves both equally?! I love dancing and by god, I love LAN parties! Wish I could join this weekend! Why didn’t you say anything earlier?! sheesh! It’s only a cheap ass busride away!
April 8th, 2009 at 3:46 pmI went to plenty of LANs at university too, while I was clubbing — both can work out fine! Though I am still infinitely bitter about my loss of hearing! I think if there was less drinking and less brainless debauchery, I might rate clubbing higher. There is a lot to be said for unwinding in a club, dancing — but is it better than in a large beanbag chair, in a darkened room, blowing your friends to smithereens? I’m not sure…
Rini, the whole ‘girl game’ thing is still woefully misunderstood, and misrepresented. I mean, we’re talking about basic things like ‘equal numbers of female stars to games’ (like Lara Croft, the girl in Portal (though you hardly see her)). Also, girls tend to like the same things as boys, though they’re just not marketed to — marketing is almost entirely to the male segment right now. When a girl picks up an Xbox controller and runs down some prostitutes in GTA IV, it’s a little bit shocking, right? Breaking the stereotype/expectations the media have generated…
There are lots of games on the Wii that girls seem to like though — the medical and cookery ones come to mind.
I’m still aghast at the idea of girls discounting video games simply ‘just for boys’ WITHOUT playing Super Mario Galaxy…
April 8th, 2009 at 4:12 pmyeah I seen the LAN parties the throw in Norway every year, I always looked in from the outside not daring to step inside..like I need a secret password or something
April 8th, 2009 at 4:14 pmYea, Norway has some big ones too! Must be something about Scandinavia… the cold, lonesome North… Contact with others might be a rare treat!
I would worry for any girl that looks like you, stepping into a LAN…
Maybe put an over-sized t-shirt on first.
April 8th, 2009 at 4:20 pmyou are an uber-geek
i’ve never been to a LAN party but my ex-bf was all into that shite.
April 8th, 2009 at 4:45 pmi don’t think i’ll ever go to one..
Damnit, all of these girls, just on the cusp of embracing true geekiness… but not quite brave enough to take that next step…
LANs are pretty daunting though. There needs to be more ‘gaming clubs’ in towns — well-lit, and not scary for girls to walk into!
April 8th, 2009 at 5:17 pmhaha i’m not on the cusp.
i’ve never played wow or everquest and things like that.
i do like rpg tho (final fantasy, etc)
i don’t even have a console atm…
April 8th, 2009 at 5:28 pmGames like WoW and EverQuest aren’t actually played much at LANs because they’re more about playing with people on the other side of the world, rather than people sitting next to you! They are played a bit though — imagine 25 people that normally play from all over Europe, coming together to play at a LAN. It’s cool — I’m telling you!
Get a Wii!
Play Zelda: Twilight Princess. That’s a demand!
April 8th, 2009 at 5:34 pmI was with you until you told me to sell my dancing shoes. Sure I have a lot (ballet slippers, pointe shoes, black jazz oxfords, tan jazz oxfords, split-sole sneakers, and tap shoes), but I’m not selling any of them! Of course, dancing at clubs is totally different from REAL dance, so I still agree that clubbing is overrated. Loud music, unintelligible (and usually unintelligent) conversation–not really that fun.
As a primarily single-player, non-console gamer, I haven’t ever been tempted to attend a LAN party. What will you be playing this weekend?
The idea of “girl games” is mostly pretty lame. I will never understand why other girls seem so averse to some good monster slaying. But if GTA IV involves running down prostitutes, the game designers are really pushing it–I think even I’m too “girly” for that.
April 8th, 2009 at 6:01 pmWould running down gigolos be more acceptable to thine sensitivities, mademoiselle?
I didn’t know you were a dancer! I have a soft spot for dancers; the first few girls I had crushes on at school (and the woman my mother still thinks I should marry) were all ballet dancers. Happy days, bashing at pointe shoes for girls…
Single player RPGs have always been a bit loner’ish, it’s true. Though, my cousin and I have both started playing an RPG at the same time (I think it was BioShock), and it was quite fun playing through it together like that! ‘Oh, wait until you see the next bit!’ ‘Did you save the girl, or?’
We’ll mostly be playing Left 4 Dead and other co-op RTS games (DOTA, Supreme Commander).
We also use the ’simulcast’ technology that I pioneered (more about that another day) to watch a film together. A whole row of us press play on a film at the exact same moment, and watch through it together (with one headphone on). When people see a whole row showing the same picture — just like an electrical store — they always comment that it looks awesome!
April 8th, 2009 at 6:09 pmDoes Wii Mario Kart qualify as “gaming” ? cause I totally rock at that game. And Sonic. I’m really good at that one too.
April 8th, 2009 at 7:16 pmCertainly, both of them are considered games.
But you should branch out, and play Super Mario Galaxy — you won’t regret it.
Do you throw your controller at someone when they beat you?
April 8th, 2009 at 7:19 pmdo I seem like someone who gets violent when they lose?
Can I still be the Princess in Super Mario Galaxy?
April 8th, 2009 at 7:29 pm*slowly shuffles behind his computer chair* Um… yes, to both?
April 8th, 2009 at 7:31 pmokay, maybe I do throw things…but only soft things…like pillows, or shoes…never the controller though. that might break it and then I couldn’t play again and win the second time around.
April 8th, 2009 at 7:38 pmYou are truly geeky.
April 8th, 2009 at 8:21 pmGrand Theft Auto *drools* Me loves.
I could play Vice City over and over again.
There are sections at LAN parties dedicated to console gaming!
Big piles of beanbag chairs, and large TV after large TV… just for games like GTA!
April 8th, 2009 at 8:22 pmyes, i want a wii! i want a wii fit..
i want a PS3…
April 8th, 2009 at 8:40 pmDude. The digital Yoda was aggravating. I did not like him. Just offering a SW geek’s POV.
I’ve wanted to attend a LAN party for years, but I don’t really have that many friends that play the same computer games I do. OK, so I have like ZERO friends that play the same computer games I do. I’ve never been to a LAN but all I can imagine is fun to the tenth power.
Also clubbing IS lame. I’ve never been clubbing and I will probably never go clubbing. I’m not interested in dancing. Sitting in one place is as adventurous as I get.
April 8th, 2009 at 9:33 pmYou gotta love how they put the wobble back into his digital ears though… that was cool. (Yes, I’m not completely devoid of Star Wars trivia… In fact, I know much more than I’m comfortable knowing…)
AND I’ve played through LEGO StarWars, which was really fantastic (play it, if you haven’t)
What games do you play, that no one else plays? Are we talking… vague Asian games or something?
April 8th, 2009 at 9:57 pmFly For Fun and Call of Duty 4 are basically the only computer games I play anymore these days. And when I have a partner, The Simpsons: Road Rage on PS2.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:17 pmThe ex-hubby owned an establishment for LAN parties…why? So we could geek the hell out and rock out with our World of Warcraft while making money…it was great!!! I never minded going to work with him when we were going there. The regulars thought it was awesome that his wife played video games, cute girls in that atmosphere not the most common sight to see, but you already know that
. I miss it a bit at times…fully equipped with computers, xbox 360, pool table and a special little table for the uber nerds who wanted to play “Magic, the Gathering”.
April 9th, 2009 at 1:52 amAh, Magic: The Gathering… Not like I’ve ever played that … …
It’s those kinds of clubs that will hopefully bring more girls into the scene. With more women like you! Bringing their friends along!
Until all the sweaty, little geeks are forced to communicate with the girls — and when that happens… well, it’ll be utopia.
April 9th, 2009 at 10:20 amOh Seb, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit that you’ve played Magic, lol. It was really an awesome place and always packed with blossoming dorks
April 9th, 2009 at 1:33 pm*has a quick look in his cupboard* If I ever run out of cash, I could sell my Magic cards and retire early… But I should stop now, before I alienate myself entirely
Did you ever go back, to… deflower the blossoming dorks?
April 9th, 2009 at 1:35 pmOh definitely not…I’ve had one virgin dork in my lifetime and that was enough…I prefer my men, well you know, men.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:16 amMy favourite part of reading this post was when my bf looked over my shoulder and saw the title. He proudly stated “So TRUE! I’d go LANing before clubbing ANY DAY!”
Then he saw the picture and almost died lol
Yup, I am not a proud member of the geek world by association. Who knew, huh?
I have no doubt I’ll end up at one of these LAN parties one day. Even though I only found out the existed a few weeks back when I had to do a Uni paper on gaming………I shouldn’t be admitting that here though, should I?
LAN away, my geeky friend
September 14th, 2009 at 1:54 pmUniversity is where most people are usually inducted into the seedy underworld of LAN PARTIES! Usually it’s a real pain to lug your gear around, but with everyone on campus… it’s one huge LAN party just waiting to happen.
(This isn’t to say that I didn’t go clubbing while at university… we would often go out clubbing and then return for drunk LANing…
)
Keep a hold of that boyfriend…!
September 14th, 2009 at 2:01 pmlol I meant to say I AM a proud member of the geek world by association, not I am not. oops.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:09 pmThanks for the intro to LAN parties. Being a non-geek, I’ve never known of them. Cheers for that. They look like immense fun, or immense and fun. Whichever you prefer.
November 12th, 2009 at 2:53 pmKeep writing, capturing, putting stuff out there.
I’m amazed you have such a positive outlook of LAN parties! Most non-geeks find them a little bit scary. And a little bit… er… weird.
But I guess there must be some intelligent types like you that appreciate the future of entertainment and partying…!
(Thanks.)
November 12th, 2009 at 2:56 pmI never really *got* clubbing. Its like..pay to turn up to this dark, hot, ridiculously noisy place, buy overpriced drinks purely for the minimal chance of getting with some random whose name you won’t even work out until the next morning. How romantic.
LAN Parties FTW, but lack of girls is an issue.
So yep, what you said
January 10th, 2010 at 2:32 pmI think I get clubbing, in the sense that it’s a fun way to blow off steam. Sometimes you just need to fling your limbs around like a lunatic.
It’s the whole social side of things — or heck, anything BEYOND flinging your limbs around like a lunatic.
They both have their place… but LAN parties are better in almost every other regard (you could fling your limbs around at a LAN, but you might get thrown out…)
January 10th, 2010 at 2:43 pm