Let’s go back in time again, to where it all begun: The American
This is a series of posts (Time-Travel Thursday) which so far has looked only at the beginning of my time at university, between 2003 and 2004. After the events of last week’s entry I begun a relationship that would span the remainder of my time at university; it wasn’t an uneventful time, but it was particularly peaceful. I’ll write about sometime, just not today. I want to talk about the past, so you can understand a bit more about me today.
If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ve probably noticed a recurring theme: I’ve been hilariously unfortunate when it comes to girls. I’ve been fortunate too — heck, I still consider myself lucky to have been with all my girlfriends — but, inevitably, bad relationships end. I remember the good times fondly, of course, but it’s the bad times that really stick with you. The pain and emotional distress from a bad relationship and the ensuing break-up really bogs us down! Some people are still plagued by uncertainty, unknowingness and doubt from relationships that ended a decade ago. Bad relationships haunt us.
The relationship I’m going to tell you about still lingers hauntingly, affecting my decisions when it comes to other girls — potential girlfriends.
If you’ve ever experimented with blindfolds in the bedroom with a loved one you’ll know that the experience is intense. With our visual sense deprived, other senses kick into overdrive, competing and clamouring to be heard by the brain. Before you know it, you’re flinching and squirming and whimpering, unable to predict what will happen next. Your partner has you in the palm of their hand.
Ultimate gratification is a boon that only your partner can provide in such a situation. Or, alternatively, your partner could walk out of the room and leave you there on the bed, blindfolded, prone, alone, unable to act and defenceless.
A relationship itself is like being emotionally blindfolded. In a relationship, our remaining senses are heightened, our emotional empathy increases. In exchange, our foresight disappears. Love is blind(ness)! Objectivity flies out of the window. The world you so gracefully inhabited beforehand slides into a blurred, grey background — out of sight, out of mind. It’s just you and your lover, spotlit, center stage. In my case, it was me and The American. She had me blindfolded, but it wasn’t so dark that I couldn’t make our her brilliantly bright form, picked out by the focused spot light of my love.
(Ironic, now that I think about it, that I put it into photographic terms. I’ve known her for 8 years, and I possess just 2 photos of her. And about a million mental images of her.)
In a relationship, our happiness is completely at the whim of our lover — the lover that has us chained down in a bed, emotionally blindfolded. You can’t force her to bestow upon you the heavenly, nirvana-like pleasures of love, intimacy and sex. It’s up to her. Where there isn’t an equality of control, where one person controls the entire flow of the relationship, where one partner holds the keys and forces you to jump through hoops to attain love, and thus happiness and satisfaction — these relationships are destined to fail.
If only I’d known that when I was 16.
If only I’d known, as I sat there on the bench, watching a beautiful blonde girl slowly wend her way through a throng of school friends towards me, that 8 years down the line, I’d still be nursing a fragmented heart.
She was short. Really short, perky and cute. It was a strong start, certainly. She’d finished traversing the crowd of kids and stood before me.
‘Hi!’ A ready smile, too. Good teeth. A grin that lit up her little face.
Unfortunately, she had an American accent.
‘Ah… you were doing so well, until you opened your mouth!’
The opening words of a relationship that, one form or another, would span almost a decade. Middle school, highschool and college.
I’ve told you before that I’m really mean to girls that I like, right? It’s probably a self-defence thing; a self-esteem thing. Pushing a girl away before she gets close enough to tease my heart-strings, and then inevitably dump me for a stronger, hairier and manlier man than I. Well, try as I might, this one wouldn’t be pushed. She sat down next to me and just continued to smile. I perservered. Continuing with low blows, sarcasm and a neverending, incessant pick-pick-picking of her American accent and mannerisms, I just couldn’t shake her off.
She loved it. She’d never experienced it before, being America — the dry, English wit; irony — or perhaps she just fancied the socks off me. I like to think it’s because she wanted my babies. Perhaps I was so funny that she wanted my babies?
She only stayed for the summer that time but she promised she’d be back. If she hadn’t come back, I would’ve gone to her anyway; 5000 miles was nothing for a couple of smitten, lovesick teenagers that craved each other’s company.
A year later and I’m in the process of finding a buyer for one of my kidneys when I receive an email from her: ‘I’m flying over in August. We need to talk.’
She refused to tell me about it over email.
In fact, she must’ve realised sometime between writing the email and the amazing 3 months we spent together that summer that her mother could talk to me instead.
And so it was that, one day, sitting outside eating lunch, her mother sat down beside me.
‘We need to talk, Sebastian.’
‘About what?’ I’d completely forgotten about the aforementioned ‘talk’ and I had a big grin on my face: I didn’t like her mother particularly, but it made sense to smile at your future mother-in-law, right?
‘This relationship of yours, between you and my daughter. It can’t continue.’
My heart skipped a beat. ‘Why…?’
‘She has a fiancé in America. Her childhood sweetheart. She’s marrying him this winter.’
Related posts:
Shocked! I wasn’t expecting that!! I’m not big on patience – when is part deux coming??
April 30th, 2009 at 7:36 amOh god! The suspense! How can I wait for the next chapter?? Oh, what do I care? You dislike American accents…:P
April 30th, 2009 at 7:37 amI don’t know that I like your Time Travel Thursdays…they always seem to make my heart hurt for you….and this one isn’t even a complete story! Can’t you tell us something happy? or start talking about cheese again?
April 30th, 2009 at 7:39 amThat bitch.
the mother in law or the girl, not quite sure which yet.
One of them needs to be manhandled.
Also, to be clear – I DO NOT have an accent. You, my dear, have an accent. I asked around.
Melodic and hypnotizing, yes, but definitely an accent. Possibly Satan’s gift to you in exchange for groupies.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:18 amawww bless you, no wonder you’re crap with women…although you seem to do ok on your blog!
I’ve told you before right, get one of these lovely ladies right her to be your girl? Worked for me…
April 30th, 2009 at 8:57 amp.s. i’m short, really short with good teeth and a nice smile…and i’m English. Just saying…although I’m not perky…
April 30th, 2009 at 8:58 amYou can almost hear the resounding “SO THERE” never uttered by the Mother in question, echoing through the intervening years. That is horribly callous of her, did you really need to know?.
“I’m really mean to girls that I like, right? It’s probably a self-defence thing; a self-esteem thing.”
April 30th, 2009 at 10:03 amMaybe you are just really mean. (joke)
*Head hits desk*
NNNOOOOOOOOOO! Don’t do this Seb – like Hannah, I find time travel Thursday’s achingly painful to read, but now you leave us hanging on?! I repeat (in slow motion) NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!
April 30th, 2009 at 10:55 amI threw in the To be continued… because it would be THREE YEARS until I next saw her again. So I figured it was only fair that you partake in the awesome agony that I had to endure…
I’ll travel in time to happier days when I get through all of the events involving girls. Very little bad stuff has happened to me in life, except for these ladies, and it’s quite fun reliving the moments, exorcising the ghosts of the girls one last time.
Even if you’re not perky, Pink… you have a boyfriend!
Muppet, you say it like I have to give up my groupies for the accent I’ve been given? And heck, they’re not groupies. Groupies are the kind of people that reply with ‘OMG, NO WAY!’ or ‘That’s so true.’ Fortunately, there’s a total lack of that here on this blog!
April 30th, 2009 at 12:05 pmGood blindfold metaphor, good use of wend.
And I’d say you need to get over the American accent thing, but I can’t fucking stand any British accent. So we’re even.
April 30th, 2009 at 1:30 pmThe blindfold metaphor began much earlier in the day, and then I had to finish it late last night. I didn’t quite nail it, but hopefully there’s enough of a framework there for people to infer their own conclusions from it
I have absolutely nothing against the American accent! Well, it’s mildly grating, sure, but I would never turn down a girl purely on her diction…!
You really don’t like my accent? Even when talking about circle jerking?
April 30th, 2009 at 1:35 pmI couldn’t bone Lucy Pinder if she spoke a word during sex. She is a gorgeous specimen (you grow them well, I’ll give you that) but she was nearly ruined for me when I heard her speak. Bleugh. So, no, not even when you’re talking about a circle jerk.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:27 pmMr Seb – I know, I just like to tease you!
…and as for Eric… I’m not sure how anyone can like an American accent and hate a British one! Unless you’ve been listening to Brummies and the like. Mr Seb has a very nice accent. Most Americans make me ears bleed (sorry!).
April 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pmI feel you on this one. I had a relationship years and years ago that still haunt me now…It still makes me wonder what could have been….
April 30th, 2009 at 2:49 pm“I myself grew up in Indianapolis, where common speech sounds like a band saw cutting galvanized tin, and employs a vocabulary as unornamental as a monkey wrench.” – Kurt Vonnegut
That’s one of my favorite quotes… I’ve got it on my personal site too (http://www.erinichristine.com), since I was raised about 30 minutes northeast of Indy…
I like to think that my American-Hoosier accent isn’t all that bad… but well, I don’t really know. There are only a few samples of it online.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:58 pmI’m American. That’s probably how.
I haven’t listened to Seb, I’m always dawdling here at work, where the computer is too slow to play videos, etc. I do like Anthony Stewart Head’s voice, come to think of it. I knew there was one I liked.
April 30th, 2009 at 3:42 pmAh, Lucy Pinder… Kelly Brook is probably my personal favourite. And Miss Hurley…
We have a few cute ones for sure. Just makes you wonder how beautiful English girls would’ve been if the Vikings hadn’t pillaged all of our beautiful ones so many hundreds of years ago. The English are notoriously ugly compared to our slender, Aryan Scandinavian neighbours
Vonnegut is one of my favourite authors, Rini! I’ve re-read my little collection of his short stories multiple times. I intend to use him as a base for my future short stories, too, though sometimes I find his prose a little too short and sweet. His fantastic ideas and foresight are probably second to none, however.
April 30th, 2009 at 3:44 pmI sound like him, Eric…! Well, almost. My voice varies a lot depending on what I’m doing.
I’ll do a ‘variety sampler’ one day soon, just for you. If you bother to listen.
April 30th, 2009 at 3:45 pmI quite like american accents, in fact I love ones from Texas and Arkansas where they pronounce my name with about 4 bent vowel sounds! However the other day we had some friends round and when the girl from LA spoke I felt like ducking! Her voice was so strident and sharp! There is something very nasal about some American accents…..
April 30th, 2009 at 4:11 pmSay whatever you want about American accents, but CANADIAN accents are AWESOME.
April 30th, 2009 at 4:45 pmWell, that mounty in Due South was pretty hot…
But I am struggling to find other examples of cute Canadian accents.
Feel free to prove me wrong, however.
April 30th, 2009 at 4:46 pmOuch. You poor thing.
Yeah, what kind of American accent are we talking about here? There are many… just as there are many U.K. accents (some of which sound much prettier than others).
April 30th, 2009 at 4:52 pmWest Coast, a mix of Oregon and California. Quite gentle, really. Though occasionally the LA twang came out, and then I just had to shove something into her mouth, and quickly.
April 30th, 2009 at 4:58 pmthis is coming in very delayed, well, not much… but yeah. Vonnegut is amazing. I love how his work is comprised of these great short snippets of action, thought and scene that meld together to form such amazing stories. Slapstick is probably my favorite.
Scandinavians are great.
(ahem *coughcoughMEcough*…)
“Though occasionally the LA twang came out, and then I just had to shove something into her mouth, and quickly.”
April 30th, 2009 at 5:13 pm…. oh seb….
OMG NO WAY!!!!!11
j/k Seb
dang! dumped by mom!
that’s harsh.
i feel you though.. these people will always haunt us, i’m afraid.
April 30th, 2009 at 5:30 pmHehe, you haven’t even heard half of the story yet…!
Being dumped by her mother wasn’t even the lowest point.
As Bachman Turner Overdrive said, you ain’t seen nothing yet, DUN DUN, b-b-b-b-baby.
April 30th, 2009 at 5:33 pmNice to see you haven’t become all bitter and lemon faced.
And hurry with the next instalment!
Oh and Brendan Fraser is THE best thing to come out of Canada
April 30th, 2009 at 6:02 pmI remember being almost as excited as my mother when we tuned into the latest episode on BBC2.
That was a rather large number of years ago now, eep!
April 30th, 2009 at 6:10 pmyou’re better off without her. wanna know why? do you seriously want that kind of woman to be your mother in law? trust me, you don’t. besides, how hairier a man can be compared to you??? i swear i’m gonna cry within these few seconds. you know, great loves end in tragedies. and that sucks. forget about love. who need it anyway when you can get everything else?
who am i trying to kid….
April 30th, 2009 at 6:20 pmWithout great tragedies, there would be no stories to tell. Without stories, we don’t learn anything — there is no wisdom handed down from generation to generation!
Sadly, the phrase ‘they must find out for themselves’ isn’t going anyway any time soon
April 30th, 2009 at 6:37 pmSo you’re saying that the reason you’re so mean to me is because you like me? I’m not buying it…
I used to be really mean to guys I liked, too. But American boys are so sensitive! As are Canadian ones, naturally… This one boy I like in Toronto actually scolded me for being too sarcastic! He said something like,”It sucks that it’s the last week we’ll be here and you’re acting this way (in other words: being sarcastic and hilarious). If you’re mad at me or something, you can just tell me. I’ll be here.” And then he walked away. I was shocked – I had thought we were playing! How had he failed to pick up on that? Oh well, he was too clean for me anyway…
April 30th, 2009 at 8:10 pmYou? Sound like the great Anthony Head – bah!
Hang on, I’ve been distracted by little pic in the bottom rhs of the screen – aww, you look so young and floppy-haired (it’s one where you’re in a suit and potentially at a wedding)…where was I? Ah – bah!
Piffle!
May 1st, 2009 at 12:00 amAh, the floppy-haired besuited look… yes, my girlfriend at university fell in love with that look, I believe.
I could easily sound like Anthony Head… no problem at all. I’m an acchtttorrr, baby!
May 1st, 2009 at 12:18 amOh damn! Not sure I saw that coming…
May 1st, 2009 at 12:38 amThe story isn’t quite as simple as I made it out to be.
But, it’s safe to say that neither me or the 5 other guys that had the hots for her could’ve possibly guessed that she was already engaged to be married.
It’s not really the kind of thing you expect to happen, aged 16, with your first love. That kind of thing happens in films…!
May 1st, 2009 at 1:17 amSorry I never made it passed the bit about her having an American accent. What is wrong with an American accent?
May 1st, 2009 at 5:06 amWell, if you’d kept at it, you would’ve known that I grew to love the American accent and HER accent… but as you wussed out, well…
May 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pmI think you should have put a little side note right there that read **keep reading to find out about my love for the American accent, because really its the sexiest thing ever!**
May 1st, 2009 at 2:34 pm** Keep reading my blog to find out about how the Miami accent gets me SO hot under the collar. **
May 1st, 2009 at 2:37 pmlol, I’m sure it does
May 1st, 2009 at 2:54 pmOmg! When are you posting the rest of this story? I’m on edge now. I need something to read for my night shifts!
May 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pmOh, only a few more days I imagine… Maybe!
May 1st, 2009 at 8:14 pmI read this shortly after ya posted it. and came back to comment ‘cos I can’t stop thinking about it. I wanna write about MY first big “thing” like that. But I’m not sure if I could :-S or if I wanna… seeing how “hostile” things are gettin’ ’round my blog lately…
Wish real life assholes would stay out of internet affairs! And say it to my FACE if they’ve a problem with me…
I feel like I need to apologise for those people being dickheads. Embarrassing that you (and EVERYONE who stumbled across my blog) saw that…
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:48 amI’m sure you can write about it… you might just have to write about it somewhere else, on someone else’s blog, or under another name. Unless, of course, you want the whole world to know it’s you, then things are a little more tricky.
The Internet enables wusses to be a lot bigger and bolder than in real life. If it’s any consolation, if they felt strongly enough about it, they would probably approach you in real life, but instead they have to poke at your online presence instead
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:05 pmwell….shit
May 4th, 2009 at 6:44 amI pretty much know at least the next two installments (at least from The American’s side) and I’m STILL eagerly awaiting the next bit! Good story-telling.
(And I think American accents are hideous. I can hardly listen to myself sometimes….)
May 7th, 2009 at 3:38 amI’m risking being late for work, but I must read the next bit.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am