“Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.” Franz Kafka
Franz Kafka was a Czech author of fiction, born in Prague, who was unfortunately only successful posthumously. He wrote in German, so that quote is merely a translation: an incredibly accurate and astutely-observed deduction that he only reached
That quote will be the basis for this article. I will expand it out and try to apply some of my own wisdom. I will try to explain why a world once so beautiful is now drab and dreary. Surely it is painfully obvious that the world we live in is still beautiful: those photos in National Geographic, or those TV shows of weird, otherworldly panoramas — they’re not lying. Those places are real and this world is still beautiful. Objectively, we must be able to agree that the world is full of beauty. You might gripe and balk, claiming things ‘aren’t what they used to be’. You might claim that the world is a scarier place than when you were younger, fearless, running through a field of tall grass to escape your mother’s clutches.
These are subjective views of the world, a view of the world through your jaded eyes. A view interpreted by your bitter brain. It’s not rational. The world is not ugly or dysfunctional. The world still is beautiful. We just don’t see it that way any more.
I was so easily pleased as a child. An ice cream or a new rattle would make me grin like a fool. Something as simple as a casette tape that I could grab with my pudgy hands and gnaw with my new teeth could keep me entertained for hours. Everything back then was so new and shiny; you really can’t leave any stone unturned when you’re a kid, the curiousity would eat you alive! What happens when you stick your finger in there? Why does the cat scratch me when I put it under the tap? Who comes running if I scream as loudly as I can?
Where does that wide-eyed look of amazement go? Why don’t adults jump out of bed, look out the window and smile? Perhaps they smile, but only until self-awareness returns and reality snaps back into sight. The mantle of stress settles back down upon your shoulders and the smile disappears.
Why, as adults, are we so damn hard to please? Why can’t we find pleasure in the simple act of surviving, or discovering something new? Why does being an adult like feel like nothing more than 60 years of receiving socks for your birthday?
Go back to when you were younger. Shut your eyes, if that helps, and recall a time when you were a child. A time when you were reckless; stomping around the garden, running away from your parents at an amusement park, stealing candy from the cupboard. You probably can’t remember the exact details, but you can probably recall the emotion you were feeling, or perhaps a strong smell or visual memory. You’re grinning now, right, in recollection?
Our childhood is simply full of those memories — the memories of first-time experiences. Adult life is a little more sparse, but you probably still remember your first kiss, or the first film you saw at the cinema — they are probably even more intense, undulled by the passage of time. You also remember the bad first times: when you fell from your bike and scraped your knee, or when your best friend dumped you for someone else.
These experiences (and thus memories) are so intense and so memorable that they inevitably form the basis of who you will become. This is, in fact, nurture. Nurture isn’t just being slapped for eating candy before dinner, or being told that you’ll get hairy palms if you continue so fervently. Nurture is everything that happens to you, from birth through to death. Nurture governs, through good experiences, what will become the love and passion of your life. Conversely, and this is the important bit, your bad experiences dictate what will become your fears and distrusts.
It is through bad experiences — the presence of pain, both mental and physical — that we learn what to avoid in the future. When we are stung by a bee as a child that nearly always develops into a fear of bees when we’re older. When we’re scolded by our mother for running around the house, we’re unlikely to grow into Olympic athletes.
This isn’t a new thing — it’s incredibly ancient, probably going back millions of years. Even the most basic of animals do the same: they avoid pain at all costs. It’s a survival trait! You do something wrong, it causes pain, you don’t do it again in the future. This is basic, basic stuff to ensure the continued existance of your race.
And that’s what causes us to become dull. Eventually, with enough painful experiences, we become jaded. Our decision making is so clouded by every single one of those pains that it becomes very hard to simply have fun. You can’t go skydiving because you fell and hit your head when you were younger. You can’t stand under a waterfall because you almost drowned when you were a child. It’s a survival instinct, but it’s not necessarily rational.
We’re living in a world with an infinite number of possibilities and an infinite source of beauty. Our ability to see that beauty — and reach Peter Pan’s Never Land, if you believe Kafka — is impeded only by our fears. As children we were endlessly energetic and reckless because we didn’t know of the pains that awaited us. The only difference is that now we approach everything with such boring cautiousness. We don’t pick it up and shake it around — we’re afraid it’ll blow our hands off!
A world composed of people living in fear, unable to see the innate beauty of our surroundings is a world devoid of creative inspiration. When everyone is afraid of getting their hands dirty, or doing something just to see what happens, that’s a dead world.
Just remember, next time you have a wild idea — something fun, something awesome — don’t let what occurred 20 years ago get in the way. Just do it!
Ambles
Apr 21, 2009
Admittedly I do need to take more risks. But I’m not jaded or bitter… anymore!
I like to think I’ve left the cynical version of myself far behind. She was just so hard to please! I couldn’t do it anymore! Ahhh!
(Oh good lord, I can see her trying to weasle her way back into my head even now.)
Anyway, what is your wild idea then?
Jen
Apr 21, 2009
I wish I was still a child!!!!
pinkjellybaby
Apr 21, 2009
Well, to get all ‘deep’ back at you (but in a different way)…. I was like that, I was more jaded a few years ago. I was dull. I was scared. I’d have panic attacks and sever migranes because of the worries that went round in my head. A tiny fear would snowball and escalate into a problem that I saw no way around, that I would sit at my desk and work and cry about.
And the reason for these fears? Bad experiences, bad choices, bad people and myself. Myself most of all. Those negative thoughs that I let my brain get away with thinking.
Now though, I’m not like that as much any more. I can see the fun in things. I can shake it off when something bad happens. Sometimes I can think, ‘well if you don’t try, you won’t know’….
For me though, it wasn’t about being scared of things that had happened before. I was scared that I would get everything wrong. I set such impossibly high standards for myself and though everyone else had them for me as well and that I was constantly failing…. to be honest though, I don’t think I’ve ever really failed anything in my life.
Anyway, I don’t think it’s all about being scared to do things as adults, being dull or needing to be more ‘childlike’…. I think most people are just all too aware that we only get one chance at this, and most of us go about fucking it up.
Abi
Apr 21, 2009
Someone told me once that age forces us to become more moderate as we place a value on ourselves in this world.
sebastian
Apr 21, 2009
Well, our self-worth certainly grows and that impacts our decision-making, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make.
I’m talking about irrational decisions. Flying isn’t actually dangerous. Skydiving is actually very safe. Standing under a waterfall is pretty damn safe too, if you know what you’re doing. Why does running through a field of wet grass sound boring rather than really damn fun?
I can appreciate that people are ‘worried about messing things up’, but that decision-making as adults is so rarely fully rational. Obviously, it’s hard to observe in yourself because it MAKES SENSE to you — but trust me, outside observers might look at you and think ‘What the hell is he doing?’
Pink — humans start by being incredibly self-assured. King of the world, top of the hill. That self-assurance goes as we get older and suffer pain, and fail.
Ideally, we would have an idea, see if it’s safe (because, well, dying is pretty damn stupid), and do it.
But having said that, if everyone backed out at the ‘is it safe?’ stage, we might be living in a world without electricity, or oil, or explored frontiers.
Imagine a world full of Christopher Columbuses, Isaac Newtons or Graham Bells. Would be quite an exciting place to live!
pinkjellybaby
Apr 21, 2009
Why are you so worried about being dull?
sebastian
Apr 21, 2009
Me? I’m not worried about being dull… I’m not. I’m worried about a world full of dull people unable to see the beauty of anything!
pinkjellybaby
Apr 21, 2009
Surely then, that’s their own problem?
Chele
Apr 21, 2009
I really enjoyed reading this post, reminds me to still have fun at heart and play.
Eric
Apr 21, 2009
“Why does being an adult like feel like nothing more than 60 years of receiving socks for your birthday?”
Such a great line. I was stung by a bee as a child, in the ear. So now I wig out whenever anything buzzes by my head.
I look at things with a fresh eye pretty much every day. If I didn’t try to see something as if it was for the first time, I don’t think I’d be a good writer–assuming I am one. So I think that part of me allows for a circumvention of about half of adult boredom. That said, I’m currently two shades of bored away from catatonic. I’d give a pinky toe to be in a field of wet grass right now.
sebastian
Apr 21, 2009
Well, artists — writers, painters, dancers, singers — are certainly a cut above the rest. They are, almost uniquely, the people that create our future. They define our social expectations, but they’re also the ones disproving considerations that have been considered impossible or unfeasible for centuries, or at least decades.
Artists, to create, have to interact with the world. An artist that simply sits in his room will undoubtedly run dry in only a matter of years. Inspiration comes from bashing against the world and seeing what results.
There is something to be said of broken hearts and bodies — without them, some of the greatest works of art might never have been produced.
Though, as you say, an artist that isn’t creating might only be a few moments away from catatonia… the double-edged blade of creativity, I guess. You can’t stop…! You can’t stop overturning those rocks.
Sarcastically Bitter
Apr 21, 2009
Very beautifully written. I am a worry-wort and am scared to try alot of new things for fear of pain. This is intensified by what I see around me at work . I shouldn’t really let that dictate what I do and don’t do. I should just go out there and try new things.
mel
Apr 21, 2009
Beautiful sir! Ironically it was only after having kind of a meltdown that i rediscovered my sense of wonder at the world. I was really ill, scared to go out and then i kinda got over it… with a heck of a lot of help. So if something scares me now I just do it…
and an ice cream or a rattle still makes me grin like a fool. So I guess sometimes you have to go thru the fear and come all the way back around again, or maybe that’s just me. Anywho keep the beauty alive… it’s all good
x
sebastian
Apr 21, 2009
Hey Mel! (For those that don’t know, Mel makes awesome felt creations, like a Felt Cthulu: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=22675779)
I think it takes some kind of epiphany to discover just how closeted and play-it-safe we’ve become. The whole fear-avoidance thing is certainly a primitive function, as opposed to our higher-order functions of creativity and empathy. There’s some kind of rational, sane mind back bouncing up and down, screaming at you, telling you to TAKE THE RISK AND DO IT! It’s a shame the irrational fear-driven thing gets in the way for so many people
Jo
Apr 21, 2009
I could not think of a time that I had been reckless! So today at work I left the door open when I went to the loo!
Sarah
Apr 21, 2009
Good post
Parts made me laugh the whole way through, other parts I was shaking my head– “Yup, I’m guilty of that…”
I’m always reminded of this when I’m babysitting. I know… babysitting? But when you’ve had a rough day and your down on yourself and your plans and your future– there’s a kid who’s really excited about mac and cheese. I mean, REALLY excited, happy dance and clapping and smiling excited. About some cheesy pasta.
And then you think… damn. Cheesy pasta is pretty exciting. Maybe I should be excited.
There are kids EVERYWHERE. And while I’ll admit not all of them are adorable or even tolerable, most are. Kids should be a daily reminder that we were once small, and that growing up doesn’t mean that wonder has to go away.
sebastian
Apr 21, 2009
I’ve started doing that too, Jo. If that’s as exciting as our lives get though, perhaps we should get out more…
It’s fairly understandable that we grow bored/tired of repeated experiences — I mean, I can understand why spaghetti bolognese for the 1000th time might not be as magical as the first time we had it as a kid. But with food, like many things in this world, there are SO MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR VARIETY!
The problem is getting stuck in a rut: cook pasta, season, chew. Rinse, repeat. We need to spice things up, literally
Chase
Apr 21, 2009
beautiful, my friend.
I love your word-craft.
It’s a gift to be able to see and communicate the beauty of this life.
Cheers to that.
sebastian
Apr 21, 2009
You are too kind… really
I always start off wanting to write beautiful, descriptive prose, but I always get sidetracked into being a little educational and informative.
But hey, perhaps it’s more interesting that way, spreading a little wisdom!
Thanks again.
Hannah
Apr 21, 2009
I heart Kafka – and that’s a great quote.
Though I’m going to argue that “reaching Neverland” is not a positive thing….Neverland is kind of a horrible place to be. And just the nature of the Peter Pan character is tragic and sad.
Other than that I thought this was awesome.
the girl in stiletto
Apr 21, 2009
i ponder about this one too many times. but i can never construct those thoughts into such a beautifully written piece like this. you kick ass! love it.
sadly enough i’m one of those who’ve been through some rough patches that i stop being the fun bold spontaneous me. i’m still that fun bold spontaneous person, it’s just that i tread the water much more carefully and that can be such a pain in the ass, to have that kind of self-control, know what i mean?
i miss my old self sometimes. the wilder smartass who’d kiss a stranger. wait, i don’t do that LOL.
floreta
Apr 21, 2009
wowwwwwwwww great writing Seb! *bows down*
of course, i try to stay youthful. lately, i’ve been struck with feelings of “i’m getting old”, “i’m almost 30″.. but i know that I am still young. and young at heart, i hope! i still smile when i wake up. the simple things in life still please me. but it’s good to be reminded of this.. particularly those learned behaviors/survival mechanisms. i don’t want to be so jaded i can’t love again..
sometimes, i fear i am..
sebastian
Apr 22, 2009
First, I am quite surprised at the kind words being given for the writing rather than the content. I am flattered (and blushing profusely) — so, thanks for that!
Hannah, the first draft actually had that as ‘achieving immortality’, but I felt that might’ve been a little too over the top. Then I had ‘agelessness’. And then I settled on Neverland…! Interesting you picked up on it, though, as it was the only bit of the entry I actually spent a little time reworking!
I don’t think you need to flatter my writing, Miss Floreta, we both know who is better, but thank you for being nice anyway
You’re still young, don’t worry. I’m almost 25 — in a couple of weeks, eep! — and I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I still have 75 years ahead of me. Not to mention, half of these 25 years was spent being all young and ineffectual…
ALSO… don’t forget, we’re probably the first generation that will live for ever! Biological sciences are almost there… almost…
Self-control can be a good thing sometimes, Stiletto, especially when it comes to relationships (of any variety). You probably shouldn’t run naked down a street, because that’s just plain rude! But with a friend or loved one, on an empty beach… you should probably strip off
floreta
Apr 22, 2009
awww made you blush
*grin*
so, guest blog ??
cari
Apr 22, 2009
This was definitely an interesting post for me to read. Especially considering that for the past several weeks, all I’ve heard is ‘you’re still young’, etc. and yes, I AM still young at (almost) 23. But definitely wiser than when I was younger. And sadly, much more cautious. Much more reserved.
However, I am also willing to do some crazy things. Like pack up and move halfway across the country. To flirt shamelessly with anyone who will flirt back. To walk around my apartment almost naked. Fun little things like those. And yes, I still get excited for mac and cheese. I think that it reminds me of when I was younger and that was the major decision of the day. Oh to be younger again.
Anyway. Fantastic post. I enjoyed the read and seeing into your mind a bit. Fascinating little place, I must admit.
ps. how DARE you leave us hanging like that. You couldn’t come up with a little something else? You just HAD to leave it at the sonic boom. *sigh* I do have other thoughts on it, but I’m going to take a bit of time and thought into that response. Overall, really liked it. Can’t WAIT to read the rest of it.
Kali
Apr 22, 2009
Fortunately or unfortunately I’m still like this. Yesterday I pointed out a statue on the top of a building to somebody who had been living on the street four years but had never noticed it. I bought glowsticks and spent fifteen minutes completely fascinated by them (HOW do they do that? Seriously – they’re dull sticks and then you snap them and they turn into pretty lights sticks.. it’s AMAZING!!). I got excited about the swans in the river, the seagull eating a slice of easy cheese off the pavement, a girl with long pink hair who walked past me, and a ferret on a leash.
I get a lot of enjoyment out of little things. Other people think it’s simple though, to do that…
sebastian
Apr 23, 2009
I think most people reading this will probably be of the creative-artistic type that still seeks beauty in any variety. We’re also quite a young bunch — we don’t tend to start getting really old and boring until 30, 40, 50, and for that I’m grateful. Hopefully, if people avoid pain enough, we might never grow old…
re: the short story — I’m going to try and finish it tomorrow or the day after. Expect to see it up on Sunday. After I decide who got shot… *grin*
You know, Kali, one of the greatest pleasures I get — at least in during a normal day of my life — is spotting new instruments in songs that I love. Or little riffs in the background that I hadn’t heard before. It’s like discovering a whole new song, but also deepening my existing love of the song even further!
There’s also a lot to be said for what we find magical today would be truly divine 100 years ago. Imagine someone from the 1500s looking at a TV… But that’s another blog entry that I want to do!
Renee
Apr 23, 2009
Hmmmm… I tend to disagree with the blissful childhood opinion because while my childhood had some great experiences, it was far from blissful. There was lots of being the new kid and being the outsider and as a result being bullied, rejected and/or mocked. (My learning disability, which I did not know about, didn’t help either.)
Would I go skydiving? Probably not. But I’ll still do rock climbing (even with my fear of heights). I’m not much for roller coasters either, but I didn’t care for them when I was younger anyhow. And it turns out that I have a sensitive equilibrium, so my dislike of those types of things is completely rational.
Museums and works of art often bring me to a world of delight and wonder. I get to see shiny! new! art! Same with my comics and stories and… all of that kind of stuff. Bones is one of my fave tv shows because I get to watch interesting people be excited about their fields and figuring things out.
Do I have fears, some of which are certainly not rational? Sure. But I am quite able to be delighted by all sorts of things (especially simple things). That said… the times I struggle most with my problems are when I feel overwhelmed with grown up things like my job and if I will be able to do what I need to do, and my lack of motivation, my health insurance and so on. But I’m afraid those things are not avoidable, as much as I’d like them to be.
sebastian
Apr 23, 2009
There’s a vast chasm between blissful and beautiful. One’s a state of being, one’s how you observe the world! I am sure many kids don’t have great childhoods (though I imagine it’s better nowadays than in previous centuries!), but it takes a certain amount of pain before our vision starts to become tinged with distrust, and thus lack of beauty.
‘Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now.’ Incredibly wise words from the finale of Avenue Q. No point getting your panties in a twist, basically. Though I don’t subscribe to the ‘We’re gonna die eventually, so I don’t bother looking both ways before I cross the road’ ideology