It’s at times like these I wish I were American. Or just not so British.
Us rainy, grey (but eternally GREEN) islanders have a problem with being self-involved. It goes against the very essence of what makes us British to say ‘HEY, LOOK AT ME! I’M AWESOME!’ We’re understated, often to a fault. We’re quite happy to let history pass us by; we’ve done our bit and now it’s time to take the back seat and watch the rest of the world — er, America — carry the torch. In the past, we would’ve grabbed at opportunities with both hands; now, we just sit back and let someone else pick it up.
It’s not that we’re shy, it’s more that we’re unassuming. We’re nonconfrontational, self-deprecating. The best way to illustrate it is the classic British supermarket example: if someone bumps into you with a trolley, you both apologise. I guess it’s just a more humble way of living, and I’m sure there are other countries that are the same. I do find it surprising though: within 100 years of the downfall of the largest empire the world has ever seen, we now sit in the garden, drink tea and root for the underdogs. Talk of conquering the world has dissipated only to be replaced with talk of the weather.
And so it is with great trepidation and no small amount of anxiety that I give you a blog entry entirely about me.
I added a few new pages to the blog! You can find them on the bar down the side!
First, there’s the ‘index of topics‘, a complete list of the topics I’ve written about on the blog, from philosophy through to music. There’s also a list of all the ‘Seb-related’ entries too, lots of which you might not have read as I wrote them back in January.
Next, there’s the ‘travel stories‘ index. A complete journal of the stories from my travels around the world. I don’t think that one needs any more explanation. There’s some fun ones from Turkey you might not have read yet!
There’s also ‘The Videos‘ page which has all five (5!!) of my video blogs/cat torturing sessions/roleplayings on one page. If that’s not too much awesomeness for one page, I don’t know what is.
Finally, two things which require your intervention: buy my photos and ask me anything.
How did I do at the whole sell-myself thing? Do I need more capital letters in the future? Any tips from the Americans?
Renee
May 30, 2009
Interestingly, I thought you were quite self-involved as it is. I don’t think you need to worry too much.
sebastian
May 30, 2009
Gee, that’s the nicest thing you ever darn said, Renay.
Renee
May 30, 2009
What, do I usually not say nice things?
Art
May 30, 2009
American tip: insert awesome or great before every noun. EG I’ve added some great new pages, there are some awesome stories about Turkey, I am awesome, etc. It’s like hypnotizing the reader
sebastian
May 30, 2009
Great tip, thanks a bunch, homeboy.
Problem is, I don’t think Brits want to mislead people. Downplay. Understate. I don’t want to tell you that my story is awesome, because… it might not be. But an American wouldn’t think twice about saying ‘LOOK, THIS IS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD’.
I guess I need more confidence in that particular area…
Amy
May 30, 2009
Why do people think that sliced bread is such a good thing? There’s a lot to be said for buying a crusty loaf and cutting thick slices yourself, or tearing off large hunks for stews.
sebastian
May 30, 2009
Yeah, but it’s really hard to slice it evenly, and we all know how hard it is to eat a sandwich made of kinda-thin-kinda-chunky bread. It’s really tricky.
Plus, imagine how many centuries — MILLENNIA — people have only had non-pre-sliced bread. It must’ve been a pretty momentous occasion when papa finally brought back a loaf of evenly-sliced bread. Brought a tear to mother’s eye.
But yes, there’s definitely a place in my heart for roughly-hewn, torn-with-your-bare-hands bread. Often with butter, and regularly thrown into some soup.
Lindsay
May 30, 2009
We Canadians are the same way… erm… without the history of conquest and enslavement. But we are notoriously self-deprecating, too. Plus we do the same apology thing, “Oh you slammed your car into my house? My fault! I shouldn’t have been so silly to build it here next to the road… sorry, sorry.” Then at the same time we have inherited the Americans sense of fun and adventure. I’d say Canadians have the best of both worlds, eh? Probably why they are welcomed all over the world far better than Americans are…
sebastian
May 30, 2009
Yeah, I hear Americans pretend to be Canadian when they travel. Hah. Eh.
I wonder what causes that change from forthright head-held-high to the shrinking, apologetic wallflower. I’m sure the English were once just like the Americans. Eep, did I just say that? But we must’ve been! Cocky, with a world-conquering swagger.
At least the British are welcomed in most places too. I guess it has a lot to do with your apparent threat to whoever you’re visiting.
But having said that, when I visited Serbia, a country that NATO very heavily bombed (with a lot of British involvement) they welcomed me with open arms.
They left the bombed-out shells of the government buildings completely untouched, still there, right in the middle of the city. ‘Why don’t you demolish them?’
‘We like to show them to the tourists.’
Muppet
May 30, 2009
Try to incorporate the word “bitch” and swish your hips. Maybe a hair flick.
I am a grocery-store apologizer – not sure what that says about me. Someone could hurl themselves into me hard enough to knock down the fruit display and I would still apologize for my existence.
Mental note to check out videos when dressed and don’t have sleep crusties in my eye. Not sure if people on video can see me.
sebastian
May 30, 2009
I think we already ascertained that you’re one of the more… humble Americans, Muppet. Plus, you have Welsh blood, and that’s the most head-bowed-furiously-sorry bloodline in the entire WORLD!
Shame you don’t have the accent though… makes me (and most men) go weak at the knees. Just thinking about it makes me cross my legs. Oops.
I’m going to try a ‘cool’, Americanised blog entry sometime in the next week I think. With lots of ‘bitch’.
Helen
May 30, 2009
It sounded quite impressive! I’ll be saving up some questions for you ‘ask me anything’ feature!
Good job on the selling yourself, although then again, I am from an ex-colony, so i also apologise if someone bumps into me…
andhari
May 30, 2009
Sexy pictures for those who ask or buy your photos?
Self selling, so far I do it with my music and it goes pretty good, I’ll pimp some more niw that I get my exams done
sebastian
May 30, 2009
Well, I sign and number every photo. I can also write little stories, or romantic poems on the back… if requested…
I guess I could give a bonus sexy picture too…
Teach me how to self-sell!!
Hezabelle
May 30, 2009
Lindsay beat me to the Canadian comment, and now I have nothing to say! hehe.
Eric
May 31, 2009
Really, Seb? I get drunk on ego whenever I come around here. That’s not to say that your nation may not be full of people endlessly kowtowing, and that mine isn’t full of loud fucks, but as the primary example I have of a Brit at the moment? Not so introverted.
sebastian
May 31, 2009
There’s ego… everyone has ego, Eric! But there’s a big chasm between believing in yourself and getting other people to believe in you.
It’s the difference between knowing you have a really nice set of storm windows, and getting other people to buy them.
Some cockiness oozes out, quietly making itself heard, but there’s no neon sign.
Rachel
May 31, 2009
This makes me wish Americans were more British.
Kevin
May 31, 2009
I would suggest you start by reading fewer newspapers and books and using your credit cards like a…like an MP. OK, not a good example.
How to act more American? A good question. I was talking to a Canadian friend, and asked what it was that made Americans and Canadians so very different. The answer was along the lines that Americans really are very proud to be Americans and don’t mind telling the whole world so. Seriously, we can’t help it, I think it’s a byproduct of the fluoridated water. (She added it might not be such a bad thing if Canadians adopted a very little bit of this attitude.)
So there, I think, is your answer: Make it a point to not just say, but also act proud to be so very British. Wear a Union Jack pin in your lapel. Remind people that, while it may not be so any longer, there was a time not so very long ago when the sun never set on the Union Jack. And, most important, stop apologizing (yeah, with a ‘z’) in the supermarket.
Hannah
May 31, 2009
There was not enough of the “I’m awesomely amazing and therefore you should agree with everything I say”. I also would have liked to see a few comments about how shiny you think your own hair is and how you’re quite proud of yourself for being so amazing because really awesomeness is like a public service so we should all be thanking you. That’s what I would do if it were me.
sebastian
May 31, 2009
I wasn’t expecting so many amazing tips from my ‘fellow countrymen, separated only by language’.
I do admire your ability to laugh at yourself though. Most Americans aren’t very good at that. You’re probably quite rare samples that should be looked after…
I’ll try to swish my hair a bit more.
sebastian
May 31, 2009
(I draw the line at wearing a Union Jack pin though… I would get frickin’ lynched…)
Daniel Cassidy
May 31, 2009
So you’re saying that the British were less polite prior to the fall of the empire?
I’d like to see the evidence that backs up that claim.
sebastian
May 31, 2009
Ahahaha.
Apologising when someone bumps into you is ‘being polite’ now?
I must’ve missed that memo.
I imagine, before the fall, that other people apologised when we bumped into them… with our warships.
Kevin
May 31, 2009
There you go, good come-back with the warship comment. I think you’re getting it.
Daniel Cassidy
May 31, 2009
It’s being excessively polite, sure, but polite is still what it is.
Eleni
Jun 3, 2009
Really? I have never thought of you as particularly unassuming, non-confrontational or self-deprecating. Not that you’ve come across as the extreme opposite or anything, but I guess it’s just that blogs are inherently self-involved. To be fair, I think of myself as unassuming, non-confrontational, and self-deprecating (I always apologize at collisions or near collisions in the grocery store, regardless of fault), but I probably come across online as self-involved as well.
Yes, we Americans like to pretend we’re Canadian when we travel because we are under the impression people will be nicer to us. Of course, if we’ve told someone we’re Canadian and that person then wants to check the truth of our claim with a “Well then, who’s the current Prime Minister of Canada?” or “Name all ten provinces”, our clever disguise would immediately be blown because we don’t know any of those silly details