I woke up this morning to the best kind of surprise — well, the best surprise a single man can wake up to, anyway. Er, apart from that.
You’ll be glad to hear that after my woeful plea for help last week I did, um, nothing. I watered the tomato plants a little more, and I pulled off some of the poorly lower shoots, but I still haven’t pinched them out. So there. And, get this, I was rewarded with… ONE MORE TOMATO. That’s a one hundred percent improvement over last week! I’m not ashamed to say that today I am a stupendously proud tomato grower. A tomato aficionado.
I like to think, if I were a parent, I’d be the kind to throw my newborn child into the woods and see how they do. Minimal interference, 1970s-style parenting. Live and let live. If they manage to haul themselves back to civilisation by their sixth birthday, they’re acknowledged as my offspring and written into the will. If not, well… I hope someone finds them in the woods and pinches them out to ensure good, bushy growth.
…
Anyway, two tomatoes means we’re now into salad territory. I should’ve grown some lettuces or something — they’re much easier than tomatoes, right? No mean, barbaric pinching out required at all either…
Hezabelle
May 23, 2009
haha Woo now the lonely tomato has a friend. Or… the lonely Seb has a friend? Either way.
sebastian
May 23, 2009
… either way, indeed…
How much talking to them do I have to do before it crosses over the ‘happy tomato plants’ threshold to ‘first sign of madness’?
Chown Town
May 23, 2009
Maybe you should get them involved in online gaming – has anyone done a study on the impact of online gaming on tomato growth?
sebastian
May 23, 2009
WoW has totally made me a much more intelligent person…
But to be fair they already watch ME play, and without working limbs they’re unlikely to get much more immersed than that..
cari
May 23, 2009
amazing. just make sue that you don’t water them TOO much. that’s the only thing i know about plants. too much water = really bad. but HOORAY!! two tomatoes!!
sebastian
May 23, 2009
Apparently if I water them too much the fruit will be flavourless…
But to be honest, I have no idea how much is too much, and how much is too little…
It’s quite odd doing something I have so little knowledge about. I’m used to being a pro…!
Rica
May 23, 2009
“I’d be the kind to throw my newborn child into the woods and see how they do.”
I laughed at that so hard, seriously. HAHAHA! Geez, that’s not 1970′s style of parenting, that’s like, tribal traditions.
Congrats on the tomato! Hope more grow soon.
PS. I love World of Warcraft. I miss playing it
Hezabelle
May 23, 2009
I think it’s singing to them you have to worry about. Or calling it Audrey II.
sebastian
May 23, 2009
Audrey…?
It’s blatantly more of a Steve. Phillip, maybe. Definitely not female, the colouring is all wrong.
Then why don’t you play, Rica…? Come, join my guild! We need more girls! Actually, we need A girl…
Chown Town
May 23, 2009
Your inability to bear fruit (or rather, your tomato plant’s inability) must be driving you round the bend…so, just to remind you – UNDER ACHIEVEMENT IS NOT AN OPTION.
sebastian
May 23, 2009
I think it’s the big smile that unnerves me the most.
Like some kind of sadomasochistic drill sergeant or something.
the girl in stiletto
May 23, 2009
so in the mean time while you’re waiting for your offspring to come back before the 6th birthday, you’re going to produce more offspring, right? the forest will be seb-manifested LOL.
i want the other tomato
what can i do to earn the tomato?
Chown Town
May 23, 2009
I like to think of it more as a motivational pep-talk…given by a sadomasochistic drill sergeant…
I also think you should get it on a Tshirt.
Melissa
May 23, 2009
Wow, the first tomato looks downright large!
sebastian
May 23, 2009
Yeah, I keep looking at the photo and thinking ‘gee, that’s a big tomato’, BUT… just for reference, the bigger one is currently about 1.25cm in diameter. The little tomato is, in fact, about 4mm across… But thanks to the wonders of modern, macro photography I can bring you a view of nature that you’ve probably never seen before…!
You can’t ‘earn’ it, Stiletto. It’s mine.
andhari
May 24, 2009
My grandpa loved gardening. He grew his own fruits and vegetables in his own fruits and vegetable garden, just in the back of their backyard. Maybe you should expand it, then sell it. You know how people are into organics these days lol
Rica
May 26, 2009
I’m so sure we’re on different servers
Plus, I don’t have internet on my PC (suckaaage).
Are you Horde? Please tell me, you’re Horde
sebastian
May 26, 2009
I have hair on my body, of course I play Horde
Rica
May 26, 2009
That’s the way to go
I’m tiny and annoying but I think gnomes should be punted.
Muppet
May 26, 2009
You must be so proud!
Now is that second tomato the offspring of the first, or the Lovah?
I thoroughly enjoy your thoughts on parenting. Very Hansel and Gretel.
Tried not to look at the picture too long for fear of accidentally killing them.