Ask Me Anything
No, this is not one of those banal blog entries where I give you the chance to ask me questions. Sorry if I got your hopes up. Maybe in a few years.
This is far cooler. By now you’ve hopefully realised that I’m fairly wise. Not wise like a silver-mane octogenarian gently rocking himself to a slow, peaceful, poignant death on the veranda of his prairie house, no, a different kind of wisdom — a body of knowledge far more applicable to modern-day problems than an oldie trying to shoehorn your experiences into venerated and celebrated, I’ve-heard-this-one-before, so-what’s-the-point-gramps? anecdotes.
With equal measures of applied intellect and real world experience, a smidgeon of sarcasm and the tiniest soupçon, the taste-defining splash, of dry white Britishness I will dissect, analyse and solve your problems.
What kind of problems?
This is going to come back to haunt me, but I will attempt — and probably succeed — in solving every kind of problem. No matter how weird, esoteric or downright daft, ask me. In fact, esoteric is good. Daft is great. Bonus points for contentious, sensitive issues like: how best to broach the topic of domination, gimp suits or bukkake in a consensual relationship — make them as juicy as possible, but try to keep them real, it’s only interesting if it’s real.
Some sample situations you might need help with:
- Sebastian, I seem to have slipped into a problematic relationship with my gay university lecturer. How can I safely escape without jeopardising my course grades?
- Geek Master, my computer’s broken
Fix it!!! (OK, I will hate you with every fibre of my body, but I will still try to help. I’m nice like that) - Dear Dr Sebby, my girlfriend accidentally left my vibrating anal beads on the kitchen table. I think my house mates might’ve seen them and now refuse to make eye-contact with me. I’m so ashamed. Help!
What format? When and where?
The solutions to your problems, questions or philosophical quandaries will be published every Friday at 07:30, UK time, here on this blog (http://blog.mrseb.co.uk). It will take the format of a normal blog entry, though I will probably spice things up with some funny pictures of me in a white doctor’s coat. Or posing in a grey wig, pretending to be an agony aunt. If I can find some suitable models (any lingerie models out there?) I might make some of those awful photo stories, with equally-awful speech bubbles describing their precarious predicament.
How do I submit my questions, problems or philosophical quandaries?
Go here: http://blog.mrseb.co.uk/ask-me-anything
And tell your friends to ask questions too (direct them to this page!)
Feel free to ask me anything, but please try to include as much detail as possible! I’m unlikely to answer vague questions that have no background or no real purpose. Again, try to keep them real.
Terms & Conditions
Anything you submit will be totally anonymous. Please don’t leave your name or email address anywhere on the form — it’s a lot safer for both you and me. I will of course endeavour to answer every question but some will no doubt fall by the wayside. Don’t take it personally! I am but one man. Continue to check back each Friday — I might answer you in the following weeks!
I think that’s it. Feel free to quiz me on any technicalities in the comments.
Go, ask me a question — ask me anything!
Related posts:
- Ask Me Anything: Volume 1
- Ask Me Anything: Volume 5 — The Love & Relationships Special
- Ask Me Anything: Volume 2 (with guest star Mr. Apron)
oh look at that sexy manhair.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:52 amEXXXXXCCCCCEEELENT!!!
the world needs an Uncle Sebby to guide us!
May 29th, 2009 at 11:20 amI just wanted an excuse to link to that Sex Info site some more.
And to do some dressing-up…
May 29th, 2009 at 12:49 pmI prefer the more direct approach to you fixing my computer issues(/blog) for me. As in, here’s my password go make it work.
I will try and come up with a worthy question, though….
May 29th, 2009 at 1:22 pmTech questions I can handle, as long as they’re fairly intelligent/interesting. Banal tech problems have plagued me since I was 10 years old. The curse of being given a computer at a very young age…
I’ve just about sworn off fixing computer issues now though — so if you’re going to ask a tech question, make it good
Also, looking at the queue of questions and problems piling up, you’re going to want to make it very good…
May 29th, 2009 at 1:28 pmWell, well… that’s an awful lot of pressure. I shall have to bide my time and come up with the perfect question….
I thought of a really funny one but then I read that “keep it real” rule and was sad. I can fix my own real life problems! I wanted to make one up!
May 29th, 2009 at 1:36 pmThe only real exception is if you’re SURE someone, somewhere suffers from your fabricated situation.
Just no ‘I really fancy this midget, but he’s gay, and apparently his genitals are all messed up because of his genetic makeup’-type problems. Keep it real, yo!
May 29th, 2009 at 1:41 pmI love this idea.
You were quite helpful that time I bored you with my boy-woes!
Thankfully, I can’t think of a damn thing at the moment (life’s good! I even sorted my wasp problem.)
But I will keep this in mind!
May 29th, 2009 at 3:42 pmThis is where I say something philosophical about an ideal world being full of people without woe or trepidation. And then something about half of the world’s commercial infrastructure being built upon the fact that we have war, and anger, and irrational material needs.
I’m glad you don’t have any problems, though, even if it puts me out of business
May 29th, 2009 at 3:55 pmAh don’t worry babe, something’s bound to go wrong!
May 29th, 2009 at 3:59 pmI think I’ll wait for Hunch, instead. Less biting wit.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:44 pmYou are brilliant AND wise!
And you make me smile. If I had any woes I would surely come to you to solve them. In fact, the next time I have a woe I can’t solve on my own, I’ll seek your expert skills.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:47 pmAw, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Eric…
But you’ll be glad to know that I’m one of the primary problem-solvers on Hunch too. So you can’t escape my biting wit. So there. Now submit a question, about cowboys and Indians and the problems that ensue! Please!
Thank you, m’dear Jaime.
Keep ‘em coming… I’ve had a nice variety so far, even a few… meaty ones.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:54 pmI can’t wait for the meaty ones!
May 29th, 2009 at 9:16 pmOoooh, interesting
May 30th, 2009 at 7:59 am