No, this is not one of those banal blog entries where I give you the chance to ask me questions. Sorry if I got your hopes up. Maybe in a few years.

This is far cooler. By now you’ve hopefully realised that I’m fairly wise. Not wise like a silver-mane octogenarian gently rocking himself to a slow, peaceful, poignant death on the veranda of his prairie house, no, a different kind of wisdom — a body of knowledge far more applicable to modern-day problems than an oldie trying to shoehorn your experiences into venerated and celebrated, I’ve-heard-this-one-before, so-what’s-the-point-gramps? anecdotes.

With equal measures of applied intellect and real world experience, a smidgeon of sarcasm and the tiniest soupçon, the taste-defining splash, of dry white Britishness I will dissect, analyse and solve your problems.


What kind of problems?

This is going to come back to haunt me, but I will attempt — and probably succeed — in solving every kind of problem. No matter how weird, esoteric or downright daft, ask me. In fact, esoteric is good. Daft is great. Bonus points for contentious, sensitive issues like: how best to broach the topic of domination, gimp suits or bukkake in a consensual relationship — make them as juicy as possible, but try to keep them real, it’s only interesting if it’s real.

Some sample situations you might need help with:

  • Sebastian, I seem to have slipped into a problematic relationship with my gay university lecturer. How can I safely escape without jeopardising my course grades?
  • Geek Master, my computer’s broken :-(Fix it!!! (OK, I will hate you with every fibre of my body, but I will still try to help. I’m nice like that)
  • Dear Dr Sebby, my girlfriend accidentally left my vibrating anal beads on the kitchen table. I think my house mates might’ve seen them and now refuse to make eye-contact with me. I’m so ashamed. Help!

What format? When and where?

The solutions to your problems, questions or philosophical quandaries will be published every Friday at 07:30, UK time, here on this blog ( It will take the format of a normal blog entry, though I will probably spice things up with some funny pictures of me in a white doctor’s coat. Or posing in a grey wig, pretending to be an agony aunt. If I can find some suitable models (any lingerie models out there?) I might make some of those awful photo stories, with equally-awful speech bubbles describing their precarious predicament.

How do I submit my questions, problems or philosophical quandaries?

Go here:

And tell your friends to ask questions too (direct them to this page!)

Feel free to ask me anything, but please try to include as much detail as possible! I’m unlikely to answer vague questions that have no background or no real purpose. Again, try to keep them real.

Terms & Conditions

Anything you submit will be totally anonymous. Please don’t leave your name or email address anywhere on the form — it’s a lot safer for both you and me. I will of course endeavour to answer every question but some will no doubt fall by the wayside. Don’t take it personally! I am but one man. Continue to check back each Friday — I might answer you in the following weeks!

I think that’s it. Feel free to quiz me on any technicalities in the comments.

Go, ask me a question — ask me anything!

The one with the child sex slave and the vibrating anal beads
An attempt at being more self-involved


I am a tall, hairy, British writer who blogs about technology, photography, travel, and whatever else catches my eye.