Much like last week’s entry, this one definitely contains very adult themes — no pictures or animations this time though, so it is work-safe! The title is a little misleading, but you’ll have to read the entire story if you want to find out why. If I disappear from the Internet for a few days after publishing this, it’s because I’ve gone to hide in a corner, whereupon I will be blushing like a schoolgirl that’s just accidentally touched a boy’s willy. If you want more Too Much Information (TMI) stories head over to Lilu’s blog — but my story’s probably far more embarrassing than any of theirs.

The hotel room itself was nice enough, functional. A king-size bed: a little firm, but good back-support would be ideal for the kind of weekend we had planned.

It was all going so well until she pulled out the tube of lube.

‘It’s time, Seb.’

Time for what? My mind was racing, desperately trying to work out what I’d agreed to. Was this another case of me forgetting the little details? Women are so good at remembering. Had I agreed to do something and then conveniently filed it into the ‘Nag Me So That I Remember’ compartment of my mind?

She shifted her weight. She must’ve noticed my hesitation. I’d been very, very keen so far to try anything and everything — so had she! — but now I was sitting on the bed, staring at the tube she held in her hand. There was an impish grin on her face. An impatient-looking grin.

‘Ohhh…!’ I still hadn’t a clue but, by now, I’d learnt to just go with it, be decisive — there’s a big difference between rushing out at the last moment to buy your girlfriend a birthday present and actually forgetting her birthday.

‘Right… hand it over then!’

[I'm struggling to write the story at this point, but I'll continue on... -S]

I squirted a little lube onto my hand. Cold, slimy. What was I meant to do? Just rub it on? Sure, I can do that… On it went. Slippery. A little chilly too — menthol? Wow, my nervousness slipping away, this was going to be wild!

She sat back onto me — the Asian Cowgirl (don’t click!), apparently –  and… sure enough, the lube helped; a bit too much, if you know what I mean, boys. Before I know it, she’s bouncing around like a maniac, my biceps pumping like pistons. Faster, faster, DEEPER – penetration has never been this easy! In the heat of the moment I decide to go for one of my favourite moves, the back-breaking whip-it-all-the-way-out-and-then-thrust-back-in-even-deeper. I arch my back and push her upwards, escaping for just a moment. We take a collective breath and she grins at me over her shoulder. This is the run-up to the finishing line we’ve got to get it right. I pull down on her hips and thrust upwards.

BANG! Back in I go. But wait a second… this feels different. Really different. Tighter.

‘FUCK, Sebastian!’

I withdraw quicker than the head of a terrified turtle.

‘Shit, wrong hole! Er… not shit, I mean… er… DAMN!’

That was the end of that. Ironically, the lube was actually purchased with that purpose in mind! I think she’d anticipated a bit more warning and preparation. The lube went back into the bedside table drawer, never to be seen again…

But not the end of the story! Now the bad bit…

[Deep breaths, Sebastian... deep breaths...-S]

We’re in the shower now. It’s been two days since the incident and I’d all but forgotten about it. Heat of the moment. Controlling your penis isn’t easy at the best of times, especially not the tip of it, 8 inches away from the nearest cluster of muscles. Water under the bridge. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Obviously though she hadn’t forgotten…

I finish rubbing the soap into her skin and rinse her off with the shower head, with a little teasing of course. I turn around.

‘My turn. Do me!’ So she rubs shower gel into my back, my shoulders, my torso. It’s slippery and soft and warm and wet. Her hands work their way down over my stomach to my hips and then she teases me with the soap, her hands, the shower’s jets of water. I’m getting quite into it when all of a sudden, out of fucking nowhere:

POP! Finger up ass. All the way up. My last virginity, taken ruthlessly and without consent. At least she’d lubed her finger first.

‘How’d you like that, Seb?’

Stuck up a bell tower
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I am a tall, hairy, British writer who blogs about technology, photography, travel, and whatever else catches my eye.