I’m afraid, because I spent the whole day sitting out in the sun capitalising on the rarest of mythical beasts ‘The British Summer‘, I didn’t get a chance to write anything exciting.
Instead, you get a photo story about two annoying terriers that somehow found their way into our garden. Probably chasing rabbits, or each other, or just being plain annoying — I think that’s in the ‘Being A Little Dog Job Description’ somewhere. If you need dog training, you need to check https://www.ridgesidek9denver.com/ website. Without proper training, your dog will develop unpleasant behaviors like messing around the house and jumping on your friends. Therefore, get a premium dog training to help your dog socialize and behave properly. You can just picture the cover-letter of the mongrel mutt’s resume:
About Me
Hi. My name’s Wheezer, but you can call me That Ugly Little Gash-face White Terrier. When I’m not dry-humping your leg, you can find me terrorising the local neighbourhood, picking on cats that are larger than me and abusing innocent rabbits. I have a major inferiority complex. In fact, I’m like one of those small kids at school that have no friends and burn things with a magnifying glass.
My Skill Set
- Yap. A lot. Yap yap yap. Grrr. Yap.
- Annoying. I can even irritate a Samaritan into aiming a kick at me.
- Easily-excitable. Sometimes I pee when I get excited.
- Endless energy channelled into my feeble barking abilities. What I don’t have in balls, strength or intelligence I make up for with yapping, and running around like a spastic.
Why does anyone even want a small dog? Why not get a cat? Why not get a proper dog? You know where you are with a big dog and my dad, he has a good point about it. A terrier’s not going to find you in a snowdrift and haul you to safety. A terrier doesn’t do a whole lot actually. Just get in the way. At least you can kick small dogs without feeling too bad about it; a big dog will just bite your foot off. Perhaps people get small dogs because they can’t handle having a big dog, the same way mean, aggressive, wife-beating men marry docile women that they can control. Hmm…
Anyway… (sorry, it’s late as I write this. I was probably abused by a small dog as a child. Remind me to ask mum.)
Here’s the photo story of how I chased the two little noisy shits out of one of our fields.
At first they were unsure of what to make of the hairy beast that had come out to greet them.
‘So what do we have here… He’s bigger than us… but…’
Failing to work out why I had invaded their field, and confused as to why I was still here, they resorted to their one sure-fire defence: yapping. Yap! YAP! YIP! Grrr! YAP!!!
Time to show them who the big dog is around these parts. The picture fails to capture my deep and manly rumbling bark. Grrrrrwoof!
Seb: 1, Little Shits: 0
Amy
Jun 3, 2009
Oh, classy. Those are actually two very creepy-looking overgrown rats.
This is why big dogs rule. *howls*
By the way, superb, uh, impersonation. You should probably be quite glad that they’ weren’t large, male dogs; you would’ve most likely found yourself in a bit of a predicament.
floreta
Jun 3, 2009
awww but those look like two short-legged jack russell terriers! and i have a softspot for them because i used to have one (ex-dog..). he was rather sweet and mellow.. FOR HIS BREED.. but definitely a sweet one. http://floretacui.blogspot.com/2009/01/camera-critters-fuji.html how can you not think cute !?
pinkjellybaby
Jun 3, 2009
You know the ‘skills set’ bit, right? That’s you that is…. you just described you, no?
:p
love the ‘big dog’ pose. great.
Marmalady
Jun 3, 2009
i don’t know why people bother with “rats on a string” either –they’re just a total waste of space!
If you’re going to have a dog — then get a real dog!
Jo
Jun 3, 2009
Very funny! Do you think they will ever come back or have you ‘seen them off ‘ forever?
Deepa (lazy giraffe)
Jun 3, 2009
I like little dogs, I suppose that is because I’d look ridiculous with a big dog being only very small myself.
I think the problem with those dogs in particular is that they are chav dogs and so therefore behave exactly like their only slightly more intelligent owners.
The clue is how white they are, they’ve gotta match their trainers.
sebastian
Jun 3, 2009
Ooh, I missed Deepa’s reply.
I suppose little dogs would look OK with very little owners.
But even then, something proper, like… I don’t know. A poodle? That’s quite a girly dog. Or those Whities, Irish things?
I doubt these are chav dogs, all of our neighbours are very rich. Unless it’s like… their dirty little secret…
Darryl
Jun 3, 2009
Poor doggies… cute little things ;o)
sebastian
Jun 3, 2009
Fuji does look very cute, Floreta. Far cuter than these rats-on-a-string (great phrase, Marma, I must use it more often). But, still… what BONUS do you get from having a small dog? Why pick a small dog over a big dog?
It must be some deep-seated psychological thing, surely…
I can fend for myself, Amy, but thank you for the concern.
(Darryl, be a MAN damnit!)
the girl in stiletto
Jun 3, 2009
i was chased by dogs when i was a kid. trust me, not so good for my childhood asthma. that’s why i hate dogs full stop. and after yesterday’s incidence of that stupid big black dog running jumping towards me… ah well. but however, i adore scottish terriers and old english shepherd. perhaps because they have scottish & english in their names?
ahahaha bias.
sebastian
Jun 3, 2009
And you hate German sheepdogs? They’re scary too…
the girl in stiletto
Jun 3, 2009
they’re not just “scary”. they’re murderous! mean! nasty! loud! and everything else.
wolf dogs are beautiful though, even though they can look rather beastly.
Deepa (lazy giraffe)
Jun 3, 2009
You can still be rich and be a chav – we’ve all heard of Jordan after all.
Yorkshire terriers are good small dogs (looks towards nice friendly yorkie office dog) so they would be ok.
Marmalady
Jun 3, 2009
yorkies are the yappiest
poodles arent much better
sorry all small dogs should be drowned at birth
Marmalady
Jun 3, 2009
ok so maybe i dont really mean that — maybe that can be sent to an offshore island or something where they can just yap and annoy each other?
then quarantine regulations will prevent their return!
sebastian
Jun 3, 2009
What, like Australia?
cari
Jun 3, 2009
i don’t mind small dogs. my parents have two. and i guess you just really have to accept that dogs don’t have much in the brain matter arena, but they’re loyal and that’s what makes them infinitely better than cats, i must admit.
that being said. i’d much rather have a great dane than a chihuahua. or some other beastly dog. preferably one that i can run with because that would be sa-weet. right now, the only pet i can seem to get is my roommate, so i guess i’ll be satisfied with that. he’s kind of like a cat anyway. aloof until he’s hungry (or drunk). the best part is that i don’t have to clean out a litter box. ha.
sebastian
Jun 3, 2009
Does your room mate know how you feel…? And it’s good you don’t have to clean out his litter box. Yet. Don’t let him get too drunk, or that may change…
The only time I’ve walked a big dog I spent most of the time being pulled around at high speed. It was kinda relaxing, I could just let my legs go and be dragged around. Another good reason to have a big dog.
floreta
Jun 3, 2009
why pick small dogs? i guess for me i always thought i didn’t have enough space (backyard) for a big dog. i would love to have a bigger dog someday (huskie, alaskan malamute, or boxer).. i like your theory that people with small dogs are controlling and domineering people. that would fit my ex who kept Fuji. booyah! i would love to have a JRT again someday though… i feel their energy and cuteness is a good match for me. but boxers are also very energetic dogs.
andhari
Jun 3, 2009
What’s wrong with lap dog? I WOULD LOVEEEE to have one. Maybe a chihuahua or a Bichon. Why? They’re cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttteeee! Go on and roll your eyes now.
Eleni
Jun 3, 2009
“God loves a terrier…”
Actually I tend to agree that small yappy dogs can be a bit obnoxious. I am a fan of Labrador retrievers, though I like mutts, so I guess lab mixes are my favorite. The only reason I think I’d get a small dog is if I were living some place small enough that a larger dog would be impractical.
Abi
Jun 3, 2009
Gash faced. *chuckles*
My sentiments entirely. I want a normal dog and am not going to put up with something that basically nags me in via the medium of yap.
Rini
Jun 3, 2009
hmm… I don’t know Sebby… you look sort of cat-like in that pose…
too bad this isn’t an audio blog post… would have been fun to hear you yipping and growling and your deep, manly rumbling bark…
MinD
Jun 3, 2009
So uh, you really showed that poor little dog who’s boss, huh? Jeez. Ha. But thanks for documenting your pose via photography. We do appreciate that.
Jo
Jun 3, 2009
akshuly… in favour of the smaller dog…. small dogs can’t eat your raw steak off the kitchen table…..
Chown Town
Jun 4, 2009
I like the way you’ve gone for ‘The Method’ approach and really got into the mind of the dog, with the resume thing…
Very Stanisyapski
sebastian
Jun 4, 2009
I’m upset no one congratulated me on my choice of name! Wheezer is like… perfect small-dog fodder! Only my mum spotted it and told me she liked it. You all suck.
I’m sorry if my pose wasnt’ particularly dog-like. It was meant to be some kind of lashing-out pose. Plus, I’m probably more of a big cat anyway — Alpha Lion? Now I just need a pride to call my own, and a few Beta males that I can push around. Yess…
An audio entry would’ve been great! I did think about it, but I wrote it at like 3am last night, and a ranting, sleepy, Sebby would’ve been just a little too incriminating (but very funny, I’m sure).
You know, Andhari, I don’t ever want a lap dog. But a really small Asian girl that I can keep in my man-purse and pull out for special occasions would be really neat.
pinginrua
Jun 4, 2009
Fuji looks like Wishbone! (What’s the storeee, Wishbone…)
… No one remembers?
Big dogs FTW, every time..
They’re smarter, nicer, better to hug… We’ve always had big dogs.
Anyway, I have one of these: http://www.irishdogs.ie/breeds/Samoyed.htm
Wendy. She’s far, far cuter than this stock pic, actually. Such a pretty girl/white huskie thing/big fluffy cloud…
Before her, we had a gorgeous black lab called Rufus… Dog was a genius, and a saint!
We had him for years…. I remember he watched the exorcist with me when I was little and determined to brave it alone (for some reason)
Glad he wandered in..!
pinginrua
Jun 4, 2009
PS. Agree you’re more cat-like. More panther than lion. But that could just be ‘cos of the colour of your coat..
…erm.. hair.
And RE: Wheezer thing… I guess we just don’t appreciate your writing like your Mammy does, Seb!
sebastian
Jun 4, 2009
Thanks for the clarification. But I still think I’m more of a lion than a panther. I’m not smooth and slick enough to be a damn panther. I’m rugged and manly and hairy… like a TIGER. Or a lion.
The Samoyeds are lovely, hardly BIG dogs though (unless you take the length of their hair into consideration). How’s that pronounced in Irish anyway? Samoth?
If the Labrador was named after the dude from Bill & Ted, I think you might be my favouritest Irish geek ever (Irish Dave’s probably not reading these comments, so I’m OK to say that…)
Rica
Jun 4, 2009
Holy crap, those dogs are too adorable. <3
pinginrua
Jun 4, 2009
I’m not really sure how to pronounce Samoyed – it’s not an Irish word! It’s just the link I gave ya that’s Irish! And they ARE big dogs! She’s about as big as my lab was. (When shorn, I mean! w/o all the fuzz!)
Wiki:
“The Samoyed dog (Russian: Самоедская собака) takes its name from the Samoyedic peoples of Siberia. An alternate name for the breed, especially in Europe, is Bjelkier. These nomadic reindeer herders bred the fluffy, white, smiling dogs to help with the herding, to pull sleds when they moved, and to keep their owners warm at night by sleeping on top of them.”
Aaaw.. so she’s bred to be a cheerful, helpful, cuddly, teddy bear!
And.. to answer your second question… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iv82iJ_MT4
(I think I was about 4 when we got Rufe, so hadn’t seen the movie @ that point, just the cartoon… How did you guess?!)
sebastian
Jun 4, 2009
Because no one would actually name their dog Rufus… it’s an awful name, a naff name. The ONLY redeeming feature is… RUUUUFUUUSSS!
Man, he was so cool…
I thought I saw a double-consonant (vy) which I’m sure has some odd Gaeilge pronounciation. Like ‘bh’.
That’s definitely the best breeding properties you could ever hope for, sheesh! Makes you wonder what they bred little white chav terriers for… to keep the neighbours up all night, to lower their productivity? Cold warfare?
Jaime @ Fast Times
Jun 4, 2009
You are so fierce! Look at those wee dogs scamper away.
Rini
Jun 4, 2009
“Plus, I’m probably more of a big cat anyway — Alpha Lion? Now I just need a pride to call my own, and a few Beta males that I can push around. Yess…”
… you mean a giant harem of lionesses to bask in your manly lion glory and bring home the antelope for you…
sebastian
Jun 4, 2009
Sure… I mean, whatever you say. I’m way too unassuming to suggest such a deal…
Rini
Jun 4, 2009
Oh you were already plotting it in your head… “This one on Tuesday, these three on Wednesday….the twins for Thursday… and everybody on Friday!”
Just Playing Pretend
Jun 8, 2009
Being an owner of a small dog I feel it my responsibilty to defend these little guys…
Oh wait, I kind of agree that small dogs are annoying. That’s sad.
At least I love mine.