Why girls smell nice, or ‘Eleven days of America: The terrible toiletry tale’
Unbeknownst to the horde of Americans that have been staying at my house over the past two weeks, I’ve actually been chronicling the state of the downstairs shower.
Boys are probably well aware of ‘Female Toiletry Multiplication Syndrome’ (FTMS) where, magically, one shampoo bottle magically divides itself, over night, into two bottles the next day. This process continues until, eventually, your entire shower is full of damn bottles. Everywhere you put your foot: bottle! And that’s if you’re lucky. When the razors and loofahs start dividing you’re in trouble…
Obviously, with six girls under one roof, this problem is exacerbated. Not only do you have shampoo bottles, there’s conditioner. And exfoliators. Defoliators! (Is that even a word?) Razors, lotions, sponges… and even some shower gel!! But, of course, being the sensible girls that they are, they shared just one shower gel.
If only they’d shared the other products too…
A timelapse sequence from the past eleven days now follows.
Shower gel, shampoo and conditioner. Sensible.
More bottles of the same stuff? WHY?!
Obviously, after three days, some shaving needs to occur.
Another girl realises it’s time to shave! I wonder if it’s like ‘pack mentality’ — one shaves and they all shave.
Oh… my… God. The pink sponge. I thought I’d hit the mother lode when this beauty turned up. It made all the waiting worthwhile.
Two remaining girls seem to have remember that their legs are probably getting a bit hairy by now. Also, some pretty blue bottle whose contents I enver did ascertain…
Someone’s obviously had a bit of a tidy-up. A few more bottles arrive. Exfoliator maybe? Not sure.
MORE bottles. Now some baby oil in the bottom right? Or baby shampoo? And some hair treatment stuff.
Out of frickin’ NOWHERE another razor! Wait, no, three more razors. Someone obviously likes — or, by this stage, needs — a sharp blade.
Like gremlins they are… multiplying… By this stage, it was very hard to actually take a shower. I’m not a small guy, and finding somewhere to put my feet was a challenge.
…
And the worst bit is that I only just realised that one of the girls has finished my shampoo. Women! Gotta love ‘em… right…?
Related posts:
but we *need* all that stuff!
August 19th, 2009 at 9:24 amThe cleaner has been away, obviously….
August 19th, 2009 at 10:11 amare you sure you didn’t throw some extras in there?
August 19th, 2009 at 11:25 amHahhaa why aren’t those put in some rack or something? Not shower floor, pretty icky you know?
Soo many products!
August 19th, 2009 at 12:49 pm100% female, Pinky. Except for a purple ‘Source’ shower gel at the back, but you can hardly see it amongst the STUFF.
Well normally there’s just one girl, Andhari, no rack required… these weeks were special
August 19th, 2009 at 12:57 pmFTMS, it’s like some Disney cartoon gone mad! Mad I tell you!
August 19th, 2009 at 2:34 pmI haven’t watched any recent Disney cartoons… do they have their Princesses showering nowadays…?
My how things change.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:36 pmThis had to be an exaggeration. No one can need that many bottles. Maybe I just don’t get it because I’m kind of anti-random nonsense you scrub yourself with for no good reason when soap works fine and makes me smell just as nice.
That was a slight rant.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:55 pmOK, I admit the plunger and soap were added by me.
August 19th, 2009 at 2:56 pmI was thinking more along the lines of the mouse chopping up the broom stick and it multiplying!
August 19th, 2009 at 3:05 pmBeing a woman, I understand the need for showeringbathing crap… but seriously? That’s just ridiculous right there.
I apologize on behalf of my species for that absurd build up of pampering products.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:13 pmI just want to know if they were all using the same sponge…
I was using it too. It felt funny. Haha.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:14 pmThat is one fantastic shower. Being a female (for all intents and purposes) I will go ahead and say that we do need a lot of things. HOWEVER, that is a crazy amount of product. Like really crazy.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:20 pmAs long as girls continue to feel deliciously-soft and smell like pineapples, strawberries and unmentionably tasty and exotic fruits, I really can’t complain. I just felt like showing the rest of the world what a group of girls can do to a shower in a relatively short amount of time.
I thought it a bit like a petri dish… and watching bacteria grow…
August 19th, 2009 at 4:22 pmwow, thats a whole shelf of Boots right there! Just be lucky they are showering otherwise it could be a lot worse with 6 hairy, smelly girls at yours….Why do you have a horde of Americans staying at your house?
August 19th, 2009 at 4:23 pmIt’s a question I ask myself on a more-than-daily basis, Miss.
You mention hairy and smelly — which thankfully they’re not — but you’ve probably heard about how PMS synchronises…? Yeah, that was fun.
August 19th, 2009 at 4:25 pmThat is eerily accurate. Just my sister and I use our bathroom and sometimes there is nowhere to put a foot up in the shower to shave. How many products must we use?? But hey, we always smell good and have glossy hair, so it’s a good thing
August 19th, 2009 at 4:51 pmI’ve always hated living with other women because their shower stuff takes up space. FACT.
August 19th, 2009 at 6:27 pmooh forgot about the syncronised PMS. You seriously deserve a medal coping with 6 PMSing girls!!!
August 19th, 2009 at 8:05 pmwow. that’s lots of (the same) stuff. i have lots of stuff, but different ones. six girls seb? any adventure that seb’s mom wont approve of?
August 19th, 2009 at 9:18 pmFirst of all, I have to point out that the pink thing is not a “sponge.” It is a bath puff and I love that you felt the need to try it out. I would also like to attempt to lessen your horror by pointing out that not all of us are like this.
August 19th, 2009 at 9:41 pmThis year I’ve made a conscious effort to downsize to one bar of vanilla moisturizing soap for both cleaning and shaving instead of using umpteen different products. I’ve even started using lush solid shampoo, which not only means one less plastic bottle, but also takes up less space and I still manage to smell quite pleasant.
Plus, aside from taking up a crazy amount of space, all of those products we’ve convinced ourselves we need get mighty expensive when you add them all up.
That’s a very entertaining documentary. Yet another example of why boys and girls are different
True, it can sometimes get excessive, but with that number of girls, that amount of toiletries doesn’t seem too crazy. Besides, you’ve also got to consider the scientific idea of diffusion, wherein a substance expands to fill the amount of space available to it. Simple physics.
August 19th, 2009 at 10:39 pmThat’s the only reason I let it slide, Brooke. As long as they smell and feel nice, I can let a lot of things slide… *grin*
It’s always nice that I have a variety of conditioners to try too! One day it’s avocados, the next… grapefruit (I think)!
I thought diffusion was something that only happened to Americans, Jean! I didn’t know it applied to toiletries too. Scary.
My mother is rather tolerant, Stiletto. But thank you for your concern!
Are bath puffs used for some other purpose than sponges, Sarah? Please, educate me.
August 19th, 2009 at 11:32 pmlol. We like options. Same reason we overpack. Who knows what we are going to want to look like/smell like/feel like on any given day? Options!
August 20th, 2009 at 3:15 amAs if boys don’t have just as many bathroom paraphernalia!
August 20th, 2009 at 5:37 amAnd….I don’t think I will share my loofah. I’m cool with sharing other stuff but not my loofah. Hands off!
Three bottles should be more than enough (or my case two, as my hair is short enough not to worry about conditioner).
I do use a puff though, as it makes shower gel last for longer.
August 20th, 2009 at 7:32 amDon’t you have to squirt quite a lot of gel onto a puff? I mean, I can wash most of my body with two little squirts of shower gel…! How does the puff ENABLE me to do more, to go further, to cleanse more fully…?
(Also, what colour is it Ben…?)
When you’re my size Demi, a loofah is vital for reaching the extremities.
What smells do you cycle through Lindsay?
August 20th, 2009 at 2:34 pmNope, you only need a little blob of shower gel and then you rub the puff around a bit and it lathers up nicely (in your hands first if needs be). The texture is actually quite good for scrubbing off dirt too.
And mine is white.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:33 pmLOL! that is hilarious!
August 25th, 2009 at 11:48 pmNot the deepest comment ever, but thank you nonetheless!
August 25th, 2009 at 11:52 pmAll I can say is…
…I can’t believe you used my loofa?
But yeah, even I cracked up a few times when everywhere we stayed there were at least 6 bottles of Aussie on the shower floor… (why the same Aussie?!?!)
August 27th, 2009 at 9:46 pm