Things are going to change around here. I’m not quite sure how yet, but I thought I’d get it out in the open – that’s what blogs are good for, after all.
Things are… different. In my head. Thoughts aren’t lining themselves up in the same way they used to. It’s unnerving. It’s hard to explain, to you, when the right words won’t come — it’s a bit Catch-22 like that (the book, incidentally, still lays unfinished by my bed).
I don’t feel bad exactly, but off-balance. Where ideas and concepts would once slot themselves neatly together into cogent thoughts, there is now an incoalescent ether. It’s a lot darker than it used to be. There’s less hope, less points of starlight in the fabric — not for me, but…
It’s hard to explain, as I said.
It’s not like I’m sad. It might even be physical — God knows I need to work on my cardiac fitness. Maybe it’s because my diet in Norway was bad. I was fine in Norway… but the moment I got home things shifted! And I don’t know why! That’s scary.
So, as to the blog, it’s not going anywhere. I’m going to change it up a bit. I’m going to get outside more, away from my vast array of computer screens. I’m thinking of writing short stories. Fables… cautionary tales; meaty, dark warnings of what’s to come.
I’m worried, basically — but not for myself. About the world, I think; its future. Perhaps it’s the travelling. Maybe I’ve finally seen and experienced enough to fill and tip the trough — is it the ripples I’m feeling now? I need to try and shape this malaise into something useful, that’s all I know.
* * *
In other, less dour news, I’ve been doing some more filming with my new camera! I’m starting to get the hang of this ‘videographer‘ thing. It’s a lot more complicated than photography (but given how easy photography is, that’s not saying much). I’ve ordered a broadcast-quality stereo microphone that I can attach to the camera — you’ll finally hear my true voice! — and I’m also building a new computer to do video/audio editing on… exciting!
Here’s some recent video links: a smoky, hazy, windy fire, and some daffodils rustling in the wind (both are experiments at wide-open apertures in bright light — cool huh?!)
* * *
Finally, there will be more stories and reflection from Norway! I still haven’t shared all of my photos either — and if you fancy a piece of Sebby-captured Norway, I’ve listed one photo for sale on my online gallery. I’ll be listing a few more in the days to come. Until then…
Rachel Cotterill
Apr 12, 2010
We’re planning on buying a 550d, mostly for the video capability – how are you finding it? Is it easy to use…? (in a technical sense, even if it’s harder to make a good video than a good photo!)
Annj
Apr 12, 2010
I feel your drift.. some sort of angst, that is indescribable but just there. Looming.
I have come to believe it’s part of being in your mid 20′s.. still not knowing maybe what you want, where you are headed. Not sure who to shoot your energy/emotions at..
this too shall pass. But in the meantime, use the moment to find some inner sense perhaps.
pinkjellybaby
Apr 12, 2010
On a brighter note, that’s a very pretty picture of you
MentalSarcasm
Apr 12, 2010
Someone’s been violently beaten by the Monday blues.
Generally I try to work along the lines of “it’ll all be okay in the end”.
And I agree with pinkjellybaby, that is a nice picture of you, plus Greco-style columns FTW.
sebastian
Apr 12, 2010
Can’t you tell, Rachel, now is the time to SUPPORT me rather than ask me camera questions, yeesh!
Just kidding.
The 550D’s lovely! It’s identical (really) to the 450 and 500 — the buttons have changed shape slightly, but in theory they are easier to hit in the dark now. The body’s still quite small though, but if you have small, girly hands…
Annj — it could be that! I’ve heard a lot about the mid-20s crisis, but hadn’t thought about it until you mentioned it. Could be…
Personally I think it’s temporary and will probably go within a few days/weeks, but in case it doesn’t… prepare for a dark and stormy blog
(And thanks — my cousin took the photo! He’s a photographer!)
Candace
Apr 12, 2010
I like the picture of you. Maybe Annj is right. I had a mid 20′s crisis. And blogs are meant for that….getting out the dark and storminess!
Sara Strand
Apr 12, 2010
Wow, someone has a case of the Mondays.
You’ll be fine. I think you should work on your cardiac fitness (lord knows I feel like a completely different person with my 30 minutes of fuckmill activity each night) (and fuckmill is my term for the treadmill you pervert). Are you stressed out? Maybe you need to have sex? Welcome to your quarter life crisis my love.
Love the picture too.
Melissa
Apr 12, 2010
I had a terrible case of this recently after looking at daycares and rejecting the one based in our town’s high school because “a school shooting scenario could involve the toddlers”…. really. I couldn’t allow him to enroll there because of the possibility he’d get shot.
**depressed, malaise-d**
pamQ
Apr 12, 2010
Yes, it’s called the Quarter-Life Crisis, dear.
Now that you’ve mentioned it, I think I’m going through it as well. :/
There’s just so many changes going on–which is natural in this stage of life, I suppose–and we tend to see that teenage angst reemerge for some reason. There’s Uncertainty, for one. It could be the most Exciting thing, but most of the time, it’s plain ol’ Scary. Most of us go through it and life goes on.
PS: Yes, excellent photograph!
Hezabelle
Apr 12, 2010
It’s easy to be worried about the world. Just be thankful you’re in the habit of actually thinking about it, rather than hiding your head in the sand, I suppose?
Good luck figuring it out, Seb!
Roxis
Apr 12, 2010
My tip to you would be, go make a real travel, go overseas and leave the UK for at least a year and come back as someone who probably will understand.
the girl in stiletto
Apr 12, 2010
i hope le boy has nothing to do with this. xD kidding. well, there are times when we’re allowed to feel confused, empty, unsatisfied, etc. but you know, it will eventually pass.
i love the photo. you’re looking very handsome in that photo
Eleni
Apr 12, 2010
Reading about your worry has me feeling uneasy about the world. So much in the world seems hopeless, and we’re all powerless to–Oooh, pretty daffodils… In the sun…dancing in the breeze…with birds chirping… Ahhhhhh.
sebastian
Apr 12, 2010
Thanks for the comments and love and stuff!
The more I reflect, the less worried I am — well, less worried about this malaise. I still worry about the world, but that’s something else — something I need to work on, step by step, to improve things. Not sure how to go about that yet. Politics…
When compared to the possibility of your toddler being shot, Melissa, my life seems so much rosier!
Roxis, I agree. I soooo agree. I agree with anyone that mentioned something to do with travel (and no, it’s nothing to do with MONDAY, Sara!)
I think it actually comes from being a bit… tied down. Ironic, I guess, considering how easy I have it. But, still, I am more tied down than I’ve ever been before — so perhaps it’s that… hmm…
Bed time.
Adrienne
Apr 13, 2010
I’ve had times like that (though I never described them with so many big words. Cogent?) Anyway, hopefully the clouds part soon. I look forward to vidoes! Also, love the pensive picture. Pensive’s a good look on you.
Roxis
Apr 13, 2010
Then Dell, what or who is telling you to not do it?
I mean, travelling is not that expensive if you do it the right way.
Do some work here, have some fun there, a year like that is more legendary then a fucking legendary c’thun axe of the boar.
sebastian
Apr 13, 2010
*strikes another pensive pose*
Roxis — it’s the Dark Edge of Insanity. Get the name right!
I have work contracts. I can’t just work, and then disappear. I can work _while_ I travel however…!
sara strand
Apr 13, 2010
Jeez Seb- would you rather someone kidnapped you or what? Because I’m sure that can be arranged. It may look awkward shoving you into the back of a Fiat or something, but it can be done.
Put on your big boy pants and take over the world. In a less suicidal sounding way.
Kidding of course!
nicopolitan
Apr 14, 2010
I’m just confused as to what this pending change entails – but like you, I probably won’t know that until it actually happens. Obviously, if we’ve been able to handle the TMI Thursday submissions we’ll be able to handle what you throw at us, but ‘intrigued’ couldn’t be more appropriate of an adjective. Well, maybe ‘Norwegian’ is a good adjective. In which case, sadly, my comment participation will drop off significantly the more I need to read norsk. I’ll still attempt to read regardless.
SillyJaime
Apr 14, 2010
I’m excited for the changes, whatever they may be. I hope you’re taking us along for the ride, wherever you go in your adventures. <3
Hannah
Apr 14, 2010
hmmm interesting…and dark and moody. I think dark and moody suits you.
and I encourage the creative writing whole heartedly.
I wish you the best with whatever changes you make! Can’t wait to see what they are!
Rogier
Apr 14, 2010
Stay away from railroads/bridges!
Blink 182 – What’s my age again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7l5ZeVVoCA
Though the age isnt similar, its close enough and has the same vibe imo….
Almost time to pass on the leader stick Seb
PS Roxis 0o
Andhari
Apr 14, 2010
One of those days, huh?:(
Don’t worry, Seb, I’m sure it’ll go away. Maybe doing things you love and spend times with your friends will cheer you up.
sebastian
Apr 15, 2010
Hey all! Sorry it took me so long to reply — I’ve been busy. Jogging (more on that tomorrow…)
Andhari, I don’t have ‘those days’, I think. At least I don’t have moods… or swings. I’m very solid. I think this was either a very gradual shift, or my return from Norway triggered it…
Blink 182 just makes me think of American Pie, Rogier. Makes me think of the good ol’ days…! The glory days!
You’re all invited, Jaime — especially you! And Nico!
The gory details aren’t a problem. It’s when things get a little close to home. I think of things in abstractions, concepts. I’m not so good when it comes to ME. I don’t like talking about MYSELF. Need to somehow shoehorn my inner self into some kind of semi-autobiographical work, or something…
Roxis
Apr 16, 2010
What kind of contracts do you have Seb? If I’m correct it involves doing stuff at home, not bound to à Office or what so ever? IF so, bring a laptop and write better stories along the way. But I’m quite sure if it was this easy you have been thinking about it…
I do have my contracts aswell, but they are planned way ahead so it’s easy planning for me.
I honestly didn’t remember the name, only that some guy had 1 dkp more then I.. Hmm there are days I guess I Miss my raid wiping dps whoring characters, the good old times and painfull 40 man raids, aggro & wipes:)
ps cwave:)
floreta
Apr 19, 2010
yep, i’m worried too. and seeing this with my own eyes is just another reason i would advocate travel for anybody. interested in the changes around here, seb
keep at it!