I’ve been told before that my brain and its thought processes work in weird yet wonderful ways.
The truth is, I only share a tiny fraction of what actually goes on in this wacky head of mine. Most of it gets contemplated, researched and then filed away, only to be brought up in relevant conversation. But not this time! This time you get the raw, unfiltered stream of consciousness.
So, there I was… sitting… as one does. I wasn’t actually masturbating, but I was thinking about masturbation. (This often happens when I look at my hands, for some reason.) I was wondering what percentage of right-handed people masturbate with their left hand.
Without being gratuitous, I think everyone can appreciate that some flexibility is necessary when it comes to gratification. But, at the end of the day, everyone has a favourite hand. So I got to wondering: is there a statistically significant number of right-handers that consider their left land the primary go-to tool for tickling the bits?
And if so, why? (I told you I think about weird things…)
Being the scientist that I am, I immediately thought of brain lateralization, where each half of your brain (we think) controls specific functions. The left hemisphere is considered to be the ‘routine’ half, where repetitive actions (speech, wiping your ass) and ‘linear reasoning’ (maths, calculation) are performed. The left hemisphere also controls your right hand. The right hemisphere is thought to be in charge of creative thinking and reasoning through novel (unexpected, new) experiences. The right hemisphere processes audio and visual stimuli. The right hemisphere controls your left hand.
You can probably see where this is going, but I’ll continue anyway. When we use our left hand, our brain’s right hemisphere is more active. It’s believed that left-handers are generally more creative and artistic — well, what if, by masturbating with our left hand, we momently become more creative, more attuned to our audio and visual stimuli?
I could be wrong — it might simply be that we need our right hand to push the mouse around — but, well, I think I need to put my theory into practice and get some empirical evidence.
Feel free to help me with this scientific endeavour, and please report your findings.