Girl, You’ll be a Woman soon & Growing up
Abi: My Mum died when I was 15. I always think it was a shame because I could really do with asking her a few things about now. I never knew my Mother as an adult, I certainly never thought much about her life before I entered it. The truth is, I always think I am failing a bit at being an adult. I don’t see myself as having achieved half the things I thought I should or would have done by now. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, we should never measure our lives in terms of the choices made by our peers. I don’t even know if I want the same things. Sometimes I feel like I never grew up at all.
I found this photo of my Mother (taken when she must have been around my age) amongst a lot of old stuff. It is one of my favourite pictures of her, possibly because it was taken at a time in her life I can identify with. She had just come out of a major relationship and was (in the process of) falling in love with a handsome man with a camera, (that man later became my father). He took a lot of photos of her around this time, possibly as many people do when they fall in love and this enigmatic image is by far my favourite. I stuck it to my mirror, just to remind myself that it is possible to be more than the person you think you should be by now.
This is a corner of my bedroom, the Pearls are also my Mothers. My Cat Sixx visible there, just underscoring the sad spinster vibe of the whole image!
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Seb: This weekend I attended my old school’s annual fair. Every year less of my school friends turn up. The ones that do turn up are inexorably those with children. Of course, they are now sending their children to the same school! Thus perpetuates the circle of life…
So I play with the kids. Prod them gently on the nose. Offer them a large hand to chew, gnaw or grab, depending on their age. Pull scary faces. That kind of thing.
And then I realise, shit, my friends have children.
I don’t even have a girlfriend and these guys have KIDS! They’ve had kids for YEARS! Every year I go back to school and MORE of my friends have kids!
It doesn’t take a genius to realise that eventually all of my friends will have kids. Everyone will have cute little bambinos but me. 26 isn’t that old to still be without progeny. Plenty of time left…
As long as there are still any women left by the time I feel ready to settle down…
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Click either photo to see it on Flickr, and to experience the COMMENTS.
Lorrie
Jul 19, 2010
Both post made me cry.
Abi. Awwww. As a 48 mother to a five year old daughter, my biggest fear is not being around when she needs me the most. So, this post I felt keenly. I am sure your mother would be, and is immensely proud of you. You wonderful beautiful girl.
Seb: so sweet. Indeed, I am surprised that at 26 so many of your friends have children. In this day and age it seems so very young. At 26 I was far to busy and selfish to even contemplate such a thing, and would have make a shockingly bad mother. So yes, plenty of time yet.
Eleni
Jul 20, 2010
Abi, I love your photo. The pearls, the photo, and the mirror frame are great… and I love that the cat even made it in.
Seb – I know I have high school friends with babies now (thank you, Facebook), but they’re all friends I’ve lost touch with, so I haven’t actually come in contact with these babies and can live in denial. But I was reading an article recently that reminded me how it’s supposed to be much easier for a woman to get pregnant in her 20s than in her 30s, which made me realize that, according to my body, I’m supposed to be having babies now. Crap!