At the end of my last post, I alluded to the possibility of a deeply intellectual post.
This isn’t it.
Instead I’m going to tell you about the divine delectation of Danish pastries in Denmark, and just how miserable life in an eternally-cold 200-year-old house is.
Our boiler has been broken for about six months. In the summer — which was blisteringly hot! — it wasn’t so much of an issue. As the weather turned, though, as temperatures slowly swan-dived into the single digits (below 50F), my house has become an increasingly unpleasant place to life.
That’s the problem with old houses. They’re a pig to warm up, which is great for hot summers, but for the same reasons, when they’re cold, they’re really fucking cold. When the only sources of heat in the house are the frigid bodies of my mother, father and I, there’s simply nothing to prevent the house from equalizing with the great outdoors.
In October it was simply a nippy nuisance — “wear a jumper!” nagged my mother — but come November and December, two feet of snow and no sunlight, and… well, let’s just say that I’ve been waking up with a numb nose and a fantastically shriveled penis.
I’ve been making breakfast in a kitchen where not only steam rises from the kettle, but where my breath condenses as it hits the air. It gets worse: after cracking eggs into the pan, I wash my hands — and holy shit, washing your hands with near-freezing water has got to be one of the most unpleasant things in the world. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had a way to warm my hands up again. The best method I’ve found so far is holding them just a few inches above my frying eggs. I figure the scars left by the spattering of oil is small fry compared to the wholesale scalding of dunking my hands into the kettle.
Anyway, I should stop before it sounds like I’m whining. Think of the kids in Sub-Saharan Africa and all that jazz.
I was in Copenhagen a couple of weeks ago! It was bitterly cold — it’s further north than Scotland, and just as humid — but it also snowed the entire time, blanketing the city in a beautiful layer of white. On Saturday, we sat outside in a snowstorm and ate real Danish pastries. The bakery was kind enough to provide blankets — but alas, pastries must be eaten with fingers, and our fingers quickly became numb.
The Little Mermaid was nice enough, beautiful, looking forlornly out across the channel towards some kind of industrial factory. Snow had tastefully gathered on her lap. It must be pretty cold up on that rock. I wanted a photo with me sitting on her lap, but they had carefully placed her on a little island about two meters from the coast. If it hadn’t been -20… maybe… just maybe I would’ve tried to jump it.
Tivoli stole the show, of course! We arrived after the sun had set, which meant we were greeted by lovely displays of Christmas lights, displays, rides and, of course, food. I had Flæskesteg, which is roast pork with the rind left on. It’s some kind of Danish delicacy. Basically, the meat, along with the rind — hairs and all – is roasted until it’s very, very crispy. It was pretty damn tasty. I hadn’t feasted on meat for a long time, but that bit of pig reminded me just how good it can be.
I saw lots of nice churches, too, but the nicest — by far — was the recently-finished Frederick’s Church, or The Marble Church. It’s one of the very few modern-day churches that has a dome — and boy is it a beautiful dome! I think we were there on the first day of Advent, too, so the whole placed looked very pretty and Christmassy indeed. We spoke to an incredibly-excited pastor inside who was very keen to tell us all about it. It was based on the domed Italian basilicas; the first stone of Frederick’s Church was set back in 1749, but it wasn’t finished until the turn of the 20th century — due to funding issues, or something. The marble it’s made of is very rare, but I can’t remember why exactly. It was from Norway, or Italy, or some other place that has long since run out of marble.
I had a Danish open sandwich. I ate lots of chocolate. At long last I even had a pizza with lettuce and salad dressing! But that’s not a Danish thing — that’s a Turkish-kebab-shop-in-Scandinavia thing. It’s a lot better than it sounds, I assure you.
The hotel was lovely, and just a few minutes from Frederick’s Church and Amalienborg Palace (the royal residence), and a waterfront that looks upon the new opera house — which is where the photo below was taken.
The hotel had a bath, too — and after we walked around in sub-zero temperatures for hours, the only real way to warm up was a nice, hot bath. At least, if you’re a normal-sized human: I’m sad to report that I still don’t fit in bath tubs. Legs or chest, not both. This world just isn’t designed for people my size.
The bath I had in Copenhagen was the first I’ve had since 2001, incidentally!
Sara Strand
Dec 14, 2010
Well not to sound like an idiot asshole….but why don’t you fix or replace the boiler??
Our temperatures were -15F this morning and I was once again reminded that I hate winter and snow. And then subsequently realized I have to just really love it since I can’t move for another 5 years due to the mortgage on the house. I’m thinking all of this while I’m systematically scraping ice off my vehicle windows and doors and swearing loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
It should also be noted that while I’ve been in the house for the last 90 minutes, only now am I gaining feeling in my boobs and toes. Sad day.
Hez
Dec 14, 2010
You exist! You haven’t popped up on my RSS feed in a while. Love the Christmas lights shot!
Kristi A.
Dec 14, 2010
Should I talk about it being 66 degrees right now in San Diego? Whoops.
Eleni
Dec 14, 2010
Sounds cold. We had an impressively cold day last week (probably my coldest one here so far): in midday, it was gray and rainy and only 69F/20C. Didn’t even break 70F! Brrr
So are you going to get the boiler fixed or replaced, or do you plan on suffering through the entire winter?
Wow, that shot of Tivoli is beautiful. Idyllic winter wonderland, like out of a movie or something. I just can’t get over the hanging lights in that tree. I want a tree like that.
Foggy Dew
Dec 18, 2010
I came home yesterday to find my building’s management had chosen to start replacing the windows in the lobby. Making this a rather poor choice was the fact that D.C. had it’s first snow of the season and the temps were hovering in the 20s F. I was a little stunned, to tell the truth.
Hope things heat up for you back home. If you can’t get the boiler fixed, might I suggest a trip to warmer climes? A friend has been regaling me with tales of heading home home to Chile this week. Where it’s summer. I’m very jealous.
Great pics. My dad has one of the Little Mermaid he took probably 50 years ago. Although I’m thinking that factory probably wasn’t there when he shot it.
sebastian
Dec 18, 2010
Hello, lovely people! Sorry I didn’t reply sooner — I’ve been standing by a WORKING RADIATOR for the last few days and screaming/moaning as sensation returns to my fingers.
Yes, we have heat now. Thank God, really, as it’s started to snow again and apparently we’re in for a ‘mini ice age’ here in Europe… yay.
To those of you bragging of the heat: you’re mean. Kristi, I’ve been looking at moving to California; you have been warned.
To those of you that are bragging of the cold: yes, but you’re USED TO IT. South England is meant to only dip below zero a couple of times a year. It’s something like -5 outside right now, and it’s not even the coldest part of the year yet!
Eleni – that Tivoli photo came out a lot better than I thought it would! Sadly, it’s the only photo that really came out well (except one of an icicle, but I haven’t uploaded that yet.)
Foggy – I think the Little Mermaid has been moved around a few times! But I don’t know what was in the background 50 years ago — you should get his photo and scan it, I’d be interested to see it
Sara – in the summer it didn’t really make sense to replace the boiler (it cost something like $8,000 or so). When it got a little colder we started looking around for someone to install it; we ended up with a cowboy that has spent the last month tinkering with it. For three weeks it leaked fumes into the house, so we couldn’t really keep it on at night, in case we failed to wake up in the morning…
andhari
Dec 26, 2010
Umm excuse me, what do you mean I’m aging well? *punch*
Love the last picture!