If you’ve been stalking me on either Twitter or Facebook, the next piece of news probably won’t come as a surprise. Truth be told, I’m going a little crazy here in cold, grey, snowy, dismal England. I don’t ever recall having this much trouble getting through the winter — something has changed within me, something is not the same. It’s like… the rules of the game have changed and I’m no longer satisfied with sitting here in front of my computers.

So I’m going to NORWAY, baby. Middle of March through until some time in April. I will experience the FJORDS and… er… I don’t know — cute, blonde inbred Scandinavian Übermensch? (That’s a Google Images link by the way — I’m not going to go and pick favourites, sheesh.)

(Photo not mine — just showing you what a fjord can look like…)

But yes, despite the brief moments of testosteronic superiority, the real reason I’m going is the fjords. Often described as the most beautiful natural wonders of the world, the fjords of Norway line the entire coast of the Scandinavian Peninsula and make up 7% of Norway’s total area. For some reason, Norway has one of the lowest densities in the world with only 4.8 million people in the entire country. Considering they have one of the best standards of living, and a huge income from oil, I really have no idea why no one lives there. Maybe there’s a disease (like the Faroe Islands), or maybe it’s the ol’ ‘it’s too damn cold for 80% of the year’ thing.

My friend in Bergen has a house on (by?) Hardangerfjord, which is one of the biggest. Have a look at Svein Ulvund’s photos of the fjord and nearby — insane, eh? March is when they’re meant to be at their finest, after most of the snow has been and gone. I hope I can do them justice — and I may need to buy a new camera before I go…

Anyway, I’ll be going to Bergen and Trondheim — here’s a map:

I actually had no idea they were so far north… Trondheim is further north than my trip to the Faroe Islands! At this time of year, there probably won’t be much sunlight — but by the time March rolls around, it should be at least 4C or 39F… so not that cold, really. Yet again I’ll miss the Arctic Circle by a few hundred miles, dammit!

We’ll try to drive around a bit, but I think only one of my hosts has a car — we’ll likely stay close to Bergen and Trondheim. Maybe they have skidoos that we can buzz around and churn snow with? Our plans are still in their formative stage, but I’ll be booking flights in the next few days… so there’s no going back.

If anyone’s been to Norway (Chele?), now’s the time to throw in any advice. And does anyone live in Norway? Maybe I can pay a fleeting visit!

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Because it’s Tuesday, I have photos; mostly alternates for yesterday’s 52 Weeks. They’re not amazing, but perhaps they’re interesting — you decide!

(You might not be able to see it on your screen, but the leaf is reflecting a pink sunset — if you can’t see it, trust me! It’s pretty!)

(Again, there’s some lovely pinks and blues in this photo, but you might not be able to see them! I chased the birds around for ages, but they finally settled down in the tree for a photo. So kind of them.)

The last two are obviously a bit ‘experimental’ — my favourite bits are the golden ‘halos’ where the sunset hits the water at an odd angle. Very cool.

I’m going to run out of Norway-related gasms before I actually get there, I can tell. My flights are now booked, though — I’ll be departing England on the 18th of March, and I’ll be in Norway until the 4th of April. I have just one month to prepare for a rather impromptu excursion. I don’t have the gear — the clothes, the snow boots! — nor do I have anything other than a bunch of couches to sleep on.

I’m staying with students, y’see. Institutionally-painted, box-room dwelling students. I graduated five years ago, but for some reason or another, most of my international jaunts since then have featured me staying at some kind of school or university. And I always end up getting horribly drunk — there’s something about being a student, at least in Europe, that implies drunken behaviour.

I presume Norway will be the same, just more expensive — a pint of beer (500ml) is $10 (£6). Much like the Faroe Islands, not much grows in Norway — some hardy grains, sheep, cattle, goats, pigs and potatoes. Oh, and fish of course — so basically, they import everything. A pizza costs $20, and they’re at the top of the Big Mac Index. I’m relying on the generosity of my hosts — surely, to them, a pizza is ‘just $20′, while to me it’s ‘TWENTY DOLLARS??!’.

Anyway… fjords. The main feature of any trip to Norway, other than the delicious fish, petroleum products and girls, is fjords. The definition is a little bit wishy-washy, depending on where in the Anglo-Norse world you happen to be, but generally it describes a narrow inlet from the sea. Technically, if you’re a geography nerd, fjords are U-shaped valleys formed by glaciers (mostly during the last ice age). As the glaciers drifted out into the sea, they carved valleys that have been eroded over thousands of years to form the fjords we see today. There are fjords all over the world, but Norway has much more than any other country — Scotland, Greenland, Canada and New Zealand have a few, but that’s about it. If you click the photo above, you can see the fjords that dot the west coast of Norway. If you think they look beautiful there… just wait and see what I bring back!

As for the actual photographing of them, I think I’m ready. I’ve cleaned my lenses, ordered a new camera and hired a Swedish gypsy to carry my bag and tripod — I’m ready. I don’t know which parts of Norway I’ll be seeing exactly — students aren’t so good at making plans for prospective visitors, at least not beyond ‘and now we drink!‘ — but I’ll see at least two of the big boys: Hardangerfjord and Trondheimsfjord. Trondheim is on its fjord, so it will be pretty hard to miss, while my host in Bergen has a house right on Hardangerfjord (which, believe it or not, derives its name from ‘hard anger’, probably referring to weather conditions). I don’t think we’ll make it to Sognefjord (the biggest one), because it’s right in between my two stops. Other than fjord-spotting, I’ve been threatened with long, healthy hikes in the mountains… and skiing. I haven’t worn skis since I was two years old. But how hard can it be…?

Anyhoo, I haven’t been sleeping very wellI didn’t manage to take any photos of my own this week (except the fun Valentine diptych with Abi), so I’m afraid you ‘only’ get a bunch of fjord photos that I found while scouring the Internet. Most of these fjord photos can be clicked for larger versions, which I really suggest you look at.

(Hardangerfjord, the one near Bergen)

(Sognefjord, which is a massive 200KM long — the second largest in the world, after Scoresby Sund in Greenland… which I have no intention of visiting… yet)

(The view from Trondheimsfjord)

(Maybe I should get a photo of me in the same place… would make a good new ‘explorer’ photo.)

(Beautiful Romsdalsfjord, but I don’t think I’ll get there on this trip… alas!)

I’m off to Norway in three days! Wheee!

I’ve now obtained a warm jacket (actually a snowboarding jacket — I’m so cool) and some very warm wool socks (again, snowboarding/skiing socks). Ostensibly, I will be walking — not a lot, but more than usual (i.e. more than none) — so the socks make a lot of sense. I actually need to get some new boots too — my current Timberland boots are 7 or 8 years old, but when a new pair cost something like £150 ($230), it’s hard to bite the bullet.

I have a scarf and hat (a deerstalker — still not sure about wearing it in public). The guys at the snowboarding shop said I should get a ‘buff’ — seriously, like a muff, but… buff. One of those neck warmer things. I don’t think it’ll be that cold or bitter in Norway though.

All that remains… is pants. I have none.

(Click for larger… though I can’t imagine why you’d want to…)

Both kinds of pant, British and American. I must buy some in the next couple of days (so that I have time to break them in). Do I go for the full, ‘long’ variety… or do I stick to boxer shorts? Do I wear denim and cotton (I don’t own jeans), or is there such thing as ‘warm’ trousers? I don’t want to wear plastic waterproof pants or trousers (for similar reasons). I have an old pair of wool trousers I think.

I mean, I have boxer shorts… not many, but some. A couple of pairs. And pants — trousers — I have… well, nominally two pairs, but I only really wear one.

This is the problem when I don’t go out much. It’s very easy to just whack on some underwear, slap on some trousers and a t-shirt, plonk myself down in front of my computers and while away 16 hours before reversing the process. Now that Norway is only a few days away and I’ll be spending three weeks in the presence of other human beings, I better get some more clothing for my lower half. (Incidentally, I recently bought an eight-pack of socks, they went through the wash once, and now only three out of sixteen socks remain — how lame is that?)

Anyway, other than that little dilemma, I’m all ready for Norway! I’ll be spending seven days in Bergen and eleven in Trondheim. There will be many fjords. And Nordic beauties — it’s about time a British emissary was sent to reclaim what was unlawfully stolen away by the Vikings! And… er… well, there isn’t a whole lot else to do in Norway. Their primary exports are fuels, machinery… and fish. They also love their woollen goods — so basically this is going to be like the Faroe Islands, but without the fuel or machinery. And without the dried sheep and whale.

I actually don’t know what we’re going to do, except walk and carouse. I’m staying with students in Trondheim, so I imagine that’ll be quite rowdy. But even then, I’m very curious to find out what people actually do in Norway. They’re not a standard ‘Western’ nation that deals mainly in services. There isn’t going to be a ‘downtown’ Trondheim. I guess it’s a more social lifestyle there? When 50% of the country’s income is from exporting fuel, life has to be pretty easy, surely?

The weather’s looking good, too. Bergen is a balmy 3C (37F) during the day, while Trondheim is a little bit nippier — freezing during the day, down to -5 (23F) or -6 at night. (Of course, if you figure wind chill into the equation it drops to about -15C, but who’s counting…)

As for the blog, I need to spend the next few days finishing preparations, and shifting obligations to other hapless victims/helpful friends. As before, I’ll put the blog into its ‘resting state’. It’s like cryogenic suspension, stasis, but not as cool. A new header will appear at the top of the blog to remind you where I am, and that for a month posts will be both sporadic^[1] and erratic. I’ll likely stick to early-morning updates, but it’ll depend on just how debauched and drunk I get. I needn’t remind you of what happened in Poland…

Oh, and if you want to buy some photos, I’ll try to get them onto Etsy in a timely fashion. I actually want to enable sales right here on this site, but that’ll have to wait until after Norway.

Bon voyage, or as they say in Norwegian: god reise — or, if the going gets really tough, luftputefartøyet mitt er fullt av ål!

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1. Did you know that ’sporadic’ comes from the same Greek root as ’spores’? As in, scattered far and wide.

Dude, where’s my pant? & Home & Away

Seb: On Thursday I am off to Norway. This is both my homage to Norway (wool socks! water proof jacket!), and to a photo I took in 2009 before visiting the Faroe Islands.

I had originally planned to go without the sandals, but didn’t want to ruin my lovely (and over-priced) wool socks. They’re snowboarding socks! So here I am, in my Jesus sandals… …

As for the lack of pants — I don’t yet have any that are suitable for Norway. I need to buy some. (Yes, really, I’m not just getting naked for fun…)

I’ll be in Norway for three weeks. That means I get to add three, whole fjord photos to 52 Weeks!

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Abi: I set out with the intention of taking a shot that featured at least one or more of Bristol’s landmarks and I managed to get two for the price of one. This footbridge over the Avon, just along from Temple Meads station has, for the obvious reason, always been referred to as the Banana Bridge. Finally the council bit the bullet and painted it yellow and black. Behind me, atop the hill, are the multicoloured houses that are synonymous with Bristol, both of these feature in the opening credits of Skins (series 1), if you know Bristol at all, you will be familiar with at least one of these.

I know it looks deserted here but I actually took this at lunchtime on a Sunday when the bridge was pretty busy. I am strangely proud that I managed to get no people or traffic in this shot, though an outtake did feature a woman in red, carrying a mothers day bouquet, which was kind of appropriate.

Now we are enjoying (slightly) better weather here in the UK, I intend to explore the city and some old haunts in more detail. Get to know it again.

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Thighs or leather jackets your kind of thing? Click the images to visit Flickr.

So, I’ve been here for about 36 hours, and two main things have made themselves known:

a) It’s incredibly expensive here. Like, twice as expensive as London. Almost £10 ($15) for a dessert. Beer and some nuts at the concert hall cost £10. Basically, everyone here is fairly rich, and there’s a vast amount of money in the economy, so it’s all inflated — to them, it’s not very expensive. To tourists like me… I feel like a frickin’ poverty-stricken student.

b) Bergen is basically a larger version of the Faroe Islands. By that, I mean it’s rainy and foggy and cloudy and windy. The only real saving grace is that it’s not actually cold — and, despite the 10 meter visibility, it’s a very beautiful city.

I can’t wait to see what it looks like when the sun comes out… …

A few photos for you — first one’s from yesterday, a Nazi bunker; the other two are from a few hours ago, traipsing around in the wet, wet, wet.

… but unfortunately, the photos here were taken yesterday and the day before, when the sun was not out.

Actually, the sun isn’t even out right now, but there are patches of blue sky and trees are actually throwing shadows, so there must be some light somewhere up there; there is HOPE.

Anyway, yesterday we spent the day recuperating after The World’s Most Expensive Drunken Experience. You see, when even the most basic oil platform worker earns  £60,000 ($90,000) per year, things tend to be expensive. Like… £10 ($15) for a beer. £20 for a glass of wine. You don’t want to even know about cocktails. Fortunately, I’m a bit of a light-weight, but a hardened drinker would have no problem spending a few hundred pounds in just a few hours… crazy.

Incidentally, the food is generally worth the price, just. Earlier in the day I had a smoked salmon ’sandwich’ for about £15. There was only one piece of bread, three slices of smoked salmon, and some other bits of garnish — but it was good, no doubt about it. Chinese food might cost £10 per dish, but at least you get rice with it for free.

So it’s expensive, but not unfairly so.

Still no fjords, then — that’s tomorrow, in theory, if the weather stays good (we have to travel for an hour or two) — but we’re going up a mountain later today.

Oh, I just realised, I didn’t actually tell you the getting-drunk story… how mean of me.

(Bryggen)

The last one is from the end of the drunken night! Around 4am. Hand-held in the near-dark! Still solid as a rock when drunk… wink.

I don’t know the exact history of Strandebarm. It’s one of those flyspeck towns of just a few hundred souls where nothing of record really occurs — rather, the history lies with the people of the town.

The Nazis marched through Strandebarm in April 1940. The Nazi occupation of Norway was one of the quickest in history. Children were playing on the streets and quickly scattered when the soldiers marched up the road. Jews were rounded up (though the Norwegians weren’t very fond of them in the first place, it seems). It was a peaceful occupation overall, though: Norway, unlike France, wasn’t home to a war front.

A lot of stories and tales were shared, between my hosts and I, over hot cocoa and, later, some lovely salmon — fished from a fine fjord only a few meters from the table. I don’t have time to get all anecdotal though, so you’ll have to make do with some pretty photos for now.

We have a 6:40am flight to Trondheim tomorrow, so I ought to lay down and try to rest a little, even if sleep doesn’t come until it’s almost time to wake.

(Most of these are ‘50mm landscapes’… still trying to perfect my technique!)

(Trying to find out the name of the valley… can’t find it!)

(The church is from the 1800s — one of the oldest buildings in the area, I think)

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I’m a couple of days behind on photos now (this always happens), but I’ll try to catch up from Trondheim…! (Unless the weather’s good… in which case, I’ll never catch up…)

(Incidentally, the self-portrait at the top of this post is the first and last time I balance my camera on sticky, stinky seaweed…)

I’ve been in Trondheim for three or four days now (it’s hard to tell, for reasons that will soon become apparent!) It’s very easy-going here — as much as it’s possible to be in Norway. I get the feeling that there’s some underlying tension. Perhaps it comes from having such a barren country, where only a tiny portion of the land is cultivatable. Maybe it’s true that money can’t buy you happiness. Or maybe it’s just the ever-fuggy weather — Britain gets a lot of rain, but ’tis a mere smattering compared to west Norway.

Anyway, the last few days have been a revival of, er, the student lifestyle. Booze, bitches and BREAD — a loaf of bread is all you need, baby! Bread for breakfast, bread for lunch, bread to soak up the alcohol at four in the morning…

The weather has been pretty shit, and there’s no quick-and-easy view of the fjord here (Trondheimsfjord), so we’ve mostly hung about indoors; I’ve been sorting photos and playing video games. We’ve been hanging by day and partying by night. Do you have any idea how fun drunken Guitar Hero is? With singing, drumming and guitaring? We’re still not sure if alcohol actually improves our skills, or just the perception thereof — but overall it definitely helps.

These photos aren’t from Trondheim though (I’ve hardly taken any here — too busy being social (I know!)) — they’re of Bergen and Hardangerfjord. The sun has made a few hour-long appearances over the last couple of days, and the snow is melting, so... if the improvement continues, we’re hoping to hit some scenic views in the next few days… here’s hoping!

I think you’ll find these photos quite pleasing, however.

(Unlike the Faroe Islands, trees are all over the place, obscuring my view of the fjords…!)

(Check the fog in the middle! It’s rising out of the snow…)

(Again, check out the mist/fog rising off the ice on the lake! Also, kinda cool how half the lake is frozen, and half isn’t)

(Not sure if I like this one. The blues are nice — as is the ‘dusk’ feeling.)

This last one is my favourite… for now! It’s also the star of 52 Weeks!

This is just a brief note to say that I have submitted the initial documents required for a work visa here in Norway. While Norway’s not a member of the EU (damn oil snobs), it’s still fairly easy for me to get a job here.

And once I have a job… it’s time to settle. I have a little money saved up, which I have used to place a deposit on a nice 1-room flat (property prices are similar to London), but as I make friends and connections I will get somewhere bigger!

Here I am, pointing at my new house (well, on the other side of the mountain):

I know this is a fairly dramatic announcement — and yes, I’ll probably have to sell a kidney to pay for food until my work visa goes through –but it’s blatantly the right thing to do! It is, after all, the only way I’m going to catch a clear sky without coming back every few weeks for the next year.

Mum: sorry, I should’ve emailed you first.

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If you made it this far, here’s a bonus photo, also from the top of Floibanen (above Bergen) — note how I actually look quite small and dare I say… cute.

Dolphins & Passport control

Seb: I’m only just back from Norway. I’ve been up since 4:30am and, try as I might, I didn’t manage to get any sleep the night before. Throw in the party the night before that, and I guess I’ve been up for almost three days…

It’s views like this that make all the pain and suffering and drinking and debauchering tolerable though. I sat by the harbour for two hours, watching the sun slowly set. From bright blue and gold, to purple and orange, and eventually to the darker sapphire and pink.

This is a few minutes after the peak, as the ambient light starts to fade, but as you know, I love my muted beauties.

Lots more stories and photos to share, but after I’ve had a little sleep…
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Abi: Here it is. Several pages, a photograph and a microchip of hassel. I’ve not come out and announced this here yet, but I am flying to Australia in a day or two to see my sister, who lives in Perth. The whole thing was a bit of a last minute thing so I have not wanted to talk about it much here. I have also had the additional hassel of trying to renew my passport. The cost to renew the average UK passport by the usual 2 week method costs in the region of £80. You can opt for one week service which costs about £130 or one day turnround which I didnt even look into! The latter methods require you to actually be present at a passport office- something which my job would not allow me to do so I did what no sane person should do. I risked it. For the last 14 days I have been fearing that this important document would never appear, that my time off work would be wasted and that I wouldn’t get to see my Sister. Further panic was added to the mix when it dawned on me that it was Easter and thus a bank holiday, something which could potentially delay the post by a further three days!

And then, Saturday. It arrived. I’m just waiting for my flight details.

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Click either fine image to see it on Flickr, and any comments it may have garnered!