(Click for larger)

I was thinking of ways to use my new camera lens and remote control and somehow work in an element of too-much-information. I hope I’ve succeeded; I hope this hits the spot.

Just be grateful I didn’t take a photo of the floor in my bedroom…

As always, more TMI stories can be found over on Lilu’s blog.

(Click for larger — you’re going to want larger…)

The second of my multimedia TMIs. Actually, it’s my third if you include the frozen-peas-down-boxer-shorts (though that might be pushing towards ‘dude… enough now, really.’)

As with last week, take it with a pinch of salt. But not too much salt… er, um… cough.

I believe there are other pictorial TMIs over on Lilu’s blog this week too, so be sure to check them out!

(Click for larger… if you you like detail…)

She’s quite pale, but you’ll have to trust me: she’s Japanese.

I have used the mug for other things too. But I’ll leave the specifics to your imagination as I don’t think the world is quite ready to look in to the receptacle. That would be disastrous for my reputation… and your psyche…

As always, more ‘too much information’ is over on Lilu’s blog this Thursday.

Click the image to zoom in

The pink cast comes from both the room and the stripes on the bowling pin. But it makes me look blushed… which kind of suits the photo!

I almost used the image on its own without any kind of accompanying text. It’s fantastically ambiguous.

The bowling pin is something I inherited from a friend at university. He quit his job at the bowling alley after just a few weeks, and on the way out he grabbed an armful of pins and ran for it. They are surprisingly big, and very heavy. The tapered bit that you see in the photo is really easy to wrap your hand around. And then you can… heft it. Swing it around. Like a cave man.

…

I’m off to a LAN party tonight. I think there will be some photos of geeks ‘in situ’, greasy and slumped over their computers. I’m actually going to try and make geeks look cool — that’s the purpose of this LAN party. Pretty hard I admit, but if someone’s going to do it… it should be me. If I fail, you simply won’t see much on the blog until Monday!

(Click for larger… though I can’t imagine why you would want to…)

With this photo I feel like I have jumped the shark.

I guess this might just be the pinnacle of my blogging and self-portraiting career. Everything else I produce, until they day I die, will always be compared to ‘that time Seb flashed his pink boxers and stuck his cock in a doughnut’.

But I’m OK with that. It gives me something to aim towards (other than the center of the doughnut). I will endeavour to top this image in the future! And not simply by wearing skimpier underwear or utilising fancier-looking donuts!

As always, more too-much-information (if you can handle any more, after this…) can be found over on Lilu’s blog.

(Click for larger! You can see my tongue… cool.)

I vaaant to suuuck yourr bluuud!

Just kidding, I don’t really. I mean, I like nibbling soft, fresh flesh as much as the next guy… but I’m not a blood sucker or anything like that!

This didn’t quite work out how I intended… but again, I ran out of daylight (how fitting!)

I actually have huge incisors — you know, those canine teeth that vampires have — which is the main reason I rarely smile in photos, because I look a bit stupid. I tried to take a photo of them without making me look retarded… but I failed. So the photo doesn’t really go with the text. But it works… just!

A girl really did beg me to bite her, by the way. Pleaded, even. By the sound of things she really enjoyed it too…

[There's more too-much-information over on Lilu's blog. I expect I'm the only VAMPIRE-THEMED one this week though...!]

Is it a bit sad that my favourite bit of this photo is actually my hand at the top? It almost perfectly mimics Michelangelo’s David. Michelangelo wanted his David to exemplify the human form — he wanted his David to be perfect. Now, I won’t go as far as to draw all of those associations to my good self… but apparently I have quite nice legs. A few girls have said so now, over the years, including a few dancers! They can’t all be wrong.

This photo was meant to have me frolicking in our proper formal garden, the one with all the fancy hedging — it was meant to be full-frontal nudity, but blurred, with me in the distance, obviously having a lot of fun.

But it was frickin’ cold out and my original idea required a lot of set-up. Oh, it was raining too (you can see a few drops of rain stopped mid-descent if you look closely). So yeah, I stripped off, grabbed my mother’s Crocs (yes, they’re not mine!) and did a quickie. A quickie photo.

[More disgusting (but probably not as naked) too-much-information can be found over on Lilu's blog.]

(Click for larger… and more dribbly…)

Soooo…

Yeah. This one didn’t quite work out the way I had intended. Originally it was simply going to be called ‘Oops’. But it doesn’t look enough like POO! Damn it. I guess it could be liquid poo, but that doesn’t tend to be quite so dark brown… does it? At least I don’t think so…

In the process of making this blog entry, I actually researched shit, faeces, stool, scatological wunderkind — sometimes being a writer is one of the best jobs ever… and sometimes it is not. Did you know that there’s a ’stool scale’? That there are seven (7) ranks of crap consistency in medical science? No? It was actually invented nearby at the University of Bristol and it’s called… the Bristol Stool Scale. What you see here, all over my feet, is something like a 6.5 — pushing towards diarrhoea, or at least a shit that would usually be delivered unto the porcelain goddess with some urgency.

You learn something new every day.

I only got one attempt at this photo for obvious reasons… so when I had a look at them on my computer, I was a little disappointed. But hey, even if it doesn’t really look like poop, it’s still a great photo. Next time I’ll definitely use something a little more… lumpy. If there is a next time.

[More issues regarding leaky and unfortunate dribbles of bodily fluids can no doubt be found over on Lilu's blog this Thursday.]

(Click for larger)

Ho ho ho!

…

Everyone else seemed to be doing Christmas cards so I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon. It being Thursday, the last sensible blogging day before Christmas, I tried to be festive and fold in the too-much-information thing. [Obligatory link to Lilu, The Queen of TMI's blog]. Did I succeed? You can hardly tell the cat’s been composited in, right? I tell you, I’m never doing cat photography again. I thought it was meant to be easy! Damnit, I’m a bona fide PEOPLE PHOTOGRAPHER now! She kept scarpering ‘neath the tree with her tail ‘tween her legs. No amount of coaxing would get her to play ball: she just wouldn’t eat the fucking tuna. So yeah, the cat was there in spirit, but I did cheat a little; sorry. (That really is tuna in the bowl, incidentally — I do have some integrity.)

So, Merry Christmas to you all, or a happy and festive winter holiday if you don’t do Christmas. I’m not meant to do Christmas, being a Jew and all, but… well… it’s very close to Hanukkah (which was last week) — what’s a few days going to matter? It’s not like our calendar is anywhere near accurate after 2000 years anyway. It’s just religious scripture mumbo jumbo; where’s the spirituality in fixed dates? I think we humans just like organised, predictable holidays… makes our life more tangible, secure, safe.

I think I can squeeze in a few posts next week, before the New Year. They’ll probably take the usual, banal ‘review’ format — I might, if I have one of those rare, sentimental moments, even ask you about how your year has been.

Have a lovely few days anyway. Eat too much! Don’t drink too much! Relax — properly, deeply, wholly — and enjoy the holiday. You’ve earnt it (probably).

P.S. My mother also wishes you a Merry Christmas! She bubbled most effusively at the idea of her festively-dressed living room being on my blog. It does look rather nice!

(You can click either to get a larger, zoomed-in view… if you really want that…)

First, I just wanted to clear up some issues. Yesterday, when I ‘leaked’ (sorry) the first picture on Twitter, I had a lot of responses questioning the colour (and consistency?) of my urine. No, I do not have anything wrong with my kidneys. I’m not taking any vitamin supplements. I did not drink a lot of orange juice. That’s just the natural, slightly-radioactive hue of my urine. Sorry. That’s just how it is.  [And if you want more too-much-information, hit up Lilu's blog. Can girls write with yellow snow as well as boys...?]

Would it make it any better if I said my entire family were out and about enjoying the snow on our estate today, as I defaced our lawn? I think my sister’s off to the left somewhere, making a snowman. Also, after I had done up my fly, we made snow angels. My mother’s up the drive, shaking snow from the trees. I think my dad was off in the other field making a ramp to practice his snowboarding.

Anyway, it’s still snowing here in the UK. It’s really, really crazy. It’s easily the most snow I’ve ever seen — apparently it’s the most we’ve had in 50 years! The first half of it fell during the Christmas holiday, but this latest batch has effectively shut down the country. Really, really crazy.