If you’re a geek you’ve probably watched Buffy: The Vampire Slayer at some stage in the last 10 years or so. If you’re a bona fide geek you’ve probably seen Firefly and Serenity.

What do both these shows have in common? Other than lots of beautiful women… Joss Whedon!

Continuing his fine streak of sci-fi-fantasy-with-hot-girls we’ve just been treated to the first episode of Dollhouse, some kind of modern-day Matrix-esque action TV series. The first episodes asks more questions than it actually answers, so I can’t tell you a whole lot about the show other than this: it has potential!

Even if the plot turns out to be weak, which I doubt, we still have Eliza Dushku to watch. It seems she’s been in a bunch of awful films since she left Buffy (and really, you want to avoid Wrong Turn like the plague, unless you have a weird hankerin’ for cannibalistic pygmies), but she certainly seems to be back in force for this new tasty television morsel. Unfortunately, most men that watch the show won’t be able to get past the impossibly short dress that she wears in the first scene (after taking off full biking leathers, no less), but her acting is pretty sharp — no doubt, given the premise of the show, she’ll be testing her characterisation abilities to the full (probably not as good as, or to the extent of Toni Collette in United States of Tara though).

Don’t worry though, it looks like it’ll be anything but weak — it might be, if anything, too complex — which is often a quick and easy way to be axed in America. Personally I like shows that don’t answer every question within the first 15 minutes and spend the next 22 episodes just repeating the same formulaic tripe. ‘Oh, another police station?’ ‘Ah, this crime-solver has a special power…’

We need more shows like The Wire, or Regenesis. Shows that encourage the viewer to actually engage in the story, to feel for the characters. We should be given more insights into other facets of real life, or perhaps alternate realities; anything to grow our awareness, rather than to dullen and shrink it.

I can understand the use of TV as ‘chewing gum for the eyes’, but when it comes to the stage that 90% of all high-rated TV shows in America are sitcoms… well, what we have there is a dumbing down of a nation — and the world, after the shows are inevitably globally syndicated.

Anyway, getting back to Dollhouse, it features an all-star cast, with Tahmoh Penikett (Helo from Battlestar Galactica) taking the second starring credit. He didn’t have much of a role in the first episode, but I imagine the later episodes will be a bit of a 50/50 split between Dushku looking beatiful and having weird engagements, and Penikett trying to unwrap the riddle of the Dollhouse.

There’s also Amy Acker from Alias, and Harry Lennix from… well, just about every American TV show in the last 15 years. But most importantly, just sneaking in at the end of the episode… Dichen Lachman! (What a crazy name, I know). You probably have no idea who she is — but me, being a fully-qualified red-blooded male know her as ‘that absolutely beautiful Asian-looking girl from Neighbours‘. Yes, she’s stepped up from that Australian soap to wield a rather big gun and blow some baddies away. No doubt we’ll get to see her in a kimono in future episodes… I will be sure to keep you updated.

You can watch Dollhouse at 9pm on Fridays (USA), or download it from all reputable TV download websites!

Just two hours ago my friend Dave and I found ourselves wondering if Ron Moore could actually do it. After the jaw-droppingly good mini series, and the stupendously awesome first season, the last few years had seen Ron Moore… slip a little. We were propelled through seasons 2 and 3, lifted up upon the fluttering wings of promise; the promise that we’d see more epic story arcs like those in the mini series and season 1. It wasn’t to be. Truth be told, we all thought Ron had run out of steam. But then, with season 4, and the news that it was the last season, things got a little better. We knew that they would finally stop gallivanting across the universe in search of Earth. We might finally get a little resolution on the multitude of plots that he’d begun, but not come close to finishing.

Then that damn USA Writers Guild strike hit us! After 3 years of building a beautiful myth and spinning a legendary yarn, Ron said ‘Frack it, let’s just send them some Cylon ship that’ll take them to Earth.’ Quick, and totally brute-force. I don’t know if I should blame the WGA, or Ron Moore for that clumsy, shoe-horned plot device.

Anyway, there we were on Earth. Woop. 3 years down the drain. Earth was post-apocalyptic. What an anti-climax.

What followed were 6 cold, miserable, Adama-less months (caused by that damn writer’s strike); 6 months spent wondering if there could be any possible resolution. Could there be any chance of redemption, and an apt wrapping-up of the outstanding mysteries? Would we find out what happened in the Opera House? Is Starbuck a Cylon, or a Cylon child? What on earth has Baltar been doing for the past 3 seasons? Is Bob Dylan actually God, or should Tigh just grow a longer beard?

Those were just a few of the questions going through our minds as we turned up the volume, pressed play, sat back and had a moment of quiet contemplation and prayer.

‘I bet Ron Moore said to himself as he wrote this last episode: Don’t frack it up Ron, just 2 hours to go… don’t frack it up.’

Those were the fateful words spoken by Dave as we watched the ‘previously…’ sequence.

2 hours later, I blinked, cogitating, churning over what I’d just experienced. All doubts were dispelled: Ron Moore had sharpened his pencil, poured a fresh mug of coffee and scribed a monster of a script. In fact, I think after that little golden nugget, Ron probably put his pencil down and punched the air triumphantly, a broad grin on his face: ‘I did it, I frackin’ did it!’

2 hours later, I’m sitting here, still slightly awed by the finale of Battlestar Galactica. It was — possibly — better than the mini series. We were promised some kind of character-driven finale, and that’s certainly what we got! That’s not to say we didn’t get some action though; we probably got the finest action sequence I’ve seen in BSG.

From the moment Adama picks up that handset and delivers yet another one of his charismatic, through-the-fire-and-flames speeches, we were chained to an adrenaline-fueled roller coaster. I don’t think I stopped to catch more than a paper-thin breath until Kara Thrace stumbles around the CIC, blood everywhere, tubing dangling, fires breaking out everywhere, and tries to jump them to safety…

… anyway, I don’t want to give away too much, for those of you that haven’t seen it yet!

I’ll just stick to spoiling it with some screen captures!

For those of you that have seen it: I think you’ll agree that the Opera House plot was beautifully resolved. I was already on the edge of my chair from the violent, visceral, end-of-humanity-as-we-know-it action, and THEN they threw in the Baltar/Six Sharon/Roslin sequence. The Opera House scene, beautifully mirrored and montaged onto the final, dying throes of the Battlestar Galactica — and then, rather than the doors shutting us out, like they did so many years ago, we were offered a glimpse of salvation — we were offered a resolution. Thank God, er, Ron, er… Dylan! A resolution!

It’s safe to say that Ron Moore has successfully tied up the best sci-fi space-opera ever made. Every question has been answered, and storyline concluded. Well, except for just a tiny stickling point with Starbuck… but I guess we’ll have to live with that one. Ron’s allowed a bit of creative wibble, I guess; damn you, Ron, damn you. Maybe that one will be answered in a post-season mini-series, or that Caprica spin-off that has been rumoured.

Considering it is a space opera, I should probably save a few words for the people that actually executed Ron Moore’s script so deftly and turned it into a show: the characters; the cast! Despite some rather poor scripting and plot development in parts, the acting has certainly never been a weakness of BSG, and it definitely went from strength to strength in season 1, while the plot was still airtight and super-strong. It was their acting and characterisation that brought us the depth and understanding that we so desperately craved; with such a complex web of character interactions, nothing less would do!

But really, when it gets right down to it, the other actors were nothing compared to the power and on-screen presence of the ‘three wise men’ — Adama, Tigh and Doc Cottle. Tigh’s hoarse, derisive chuckle. Adama’s haunting, rousing and reverberating pre-battle speeches. Cottle’s cigarette smoking. All three will be the memories that first pop into my mind when I think of what a great show Battlestar Galactica has been over the past 4 years.

Last night saw the airing of episode 6 of Dollhouse, Joss Whedon’s new ‘action sci-fi’ show that airs on Fox. I’d first like to say that Fox’s new ‘remote-free viewing’ — the idea that you can watch a TV show without reaching for your remote control — is hardly as ‘revolutionary’ as they’d like to believe. It is, however, refreshing! It means that instead of 42 minutes, we now get 49 minutes of Eliza Dushku’s rather finely-toned tuckus:

Anyway, until yesterday’s episode, Dushku really was the only reason for people to tune in. Did I say ‘people’? I meant ‘boys’. You see, we had to wait patiently until episode 6 for the first real, Joss Whedon-written and non-introductory episode. Dushku had gone on the record a few weeks ago to say that it wouldn’t get good until this episode; luckily she was not wrong.

Episode 6 of Dollhouse was a high-octane and quick-paced action sci-fi. There was also laughter, sensitivity and character development — in fact, it had all the hallmarks of an early episode of Buffy, or Firefly, his earlier, critically acclaimed TV productions. To prove my point that it was so high-octane that you could’ve used it as jet fuel, I’ve gone a bit out of my way to show you an awesome fight scene between Echo and Paul (Eliza Dushku and Tahmoh Penikett) about three-quarters through the episode. It’s quite long for a fight sequence — over 2 minutes! — and there’s an awful lot of Dushku sexiness and ‘Helo’ wife-beating goodness. Watch it, you won’t be disappointed:

http://www.vimeo.com/3792845

This episode also saw the development of a much larger arc; an arc where the goodies and the baddies are far less defined; I have no idea who’s wearing a white hat now! By the end of this episode, you’ll be replaying parts of all 6 episodes in your head, trying to find any missed clues; clues that might signal a turncoat or spy in our midst! I don’t want to spoil it, as no doubt much of the non-American world won’t have seen it yet, but you’ll certainly be left with a gapingly huge pit of curiousity by the end of episode 6.

Episode 6 utilised little vox pops (or ‘man on the street’ clips) either side of each commercial break to try and tell the audience a deeper, ideological and perhaps more disturbing story. What if you lived in a world where you could buy a pre-programmed wife or husband? Is that tantamount to human traficking? What if the programmed person is escaping political persecution, or was jailed? What if that’s already happening today?

It’s a tricky can of worms to prise open, but for Joss Whedon’s sake — and of course for us, the viewers — I hope he’s successful!

I guess we should be grateful that it is getting the full 12 episodes originally planned for this season! Let’s just hope that Fox, who are notoriously fickle with their programming, decide to keep Dollhouse on for another season. After episode 6, and the juicy, plotty seeds sown by Whedon, I have a feeling that there might be a lot more good stuff hiding up his sleeve.

If you made it this far, you deserve another awesome screen-cap of Eliza Dushku with a kitchen knife. Man, look at that knife. It’s so sharp. And flat. And toned…

I’ve decided, as Saturday is the day when almost no one surfs the internet that I would dedicate it to whoever happens to be the focus of my beady, male eye. This week, and for the next few weeks no doubt, it will be Eliza Dushku.

If you’re a girl, or you simply have no interest in looking at a cute girl in a very short skirt, you can stop reading now. Alternatively, because let’s face it: you have nothing else to read on Saturday, you could continue!

This week saw Eliza Dushku — Echo — wearing a very short skirt indeed. Any girls that know me (in the Biblical) will know that I love short skirts. I’m not talking sluttishly short, but certainly short enough to get the full effect of those long, silken stilts. Couple that short skirt with some lovely tall, lacy socks and you’re certainly onto a winner (in my bedroom at least).

But no, not content with a short skirt and sexy socks, they threw in a big, red, awesome, phallic bike this week too. ‘It looks like a dragon!’ Eliza exclaims, before mounting — the bike, that is — and racing off to save the day.

I’m aware that socks might be the wrong word, but this is a boy doing the review, not a girl’s magazine. What are they called? Tights? Popsocks? Hoisery? Fishnets? Who cares… just look at those  legs!

Alrighty. That’s my public service for the men of the world done for another week. And girls, if you don’t like being objectified (pfft!), just take this post as ‘How to get that guy, in 2 easy steps: get a short skirt, and a big red bike’, or perhaps just fashion advice: ‘Almost anything goes with a short skirt, because no one’s looking at anything but your legs.’

To the boys: I’m afraid Dushku wasn’t all that hot this week. Even in the opening scene, where she was wearing a rather fine bustier/corset/something juicy, she had incredibly deep-red lipstick which made her look a bit like a courtesan (though, I guess that’s what she ultimately is — a high-value hooker).

To the girls: Tahmoh Penikett, topless. Muscles rippling, and lip quivvering with rage. Don’t say I don’t spoil you.

For those of you that want an episode review: It was OK. Definitely weaker than episode 6 and 7 (which were both great). I assume this one was just building up the mystery, as every episode seems to be doing. Each episode adds a new layer of complexity — I wonder when that will stop, if ever, or if Josh knows he won’t get a second season, so he’s trying to fit it all in before the end…!

This was as pretty as she got throughout the episode. Still fairly hot, I think you’ll agree. But not quite the same as last week.

Now we’re talking. He’s not actually my kind of guy, but apparently some girls like him… Geek girls, I think.

Okay, he has quite a nice back.

I love Saturdays, I can get away with posting crap like this.

Episode 10 of Dollhouse saw a very interesting ‘mechanic’ examined (one almost identical to Caprica, incidentally, if you’ve seen the leaked pilot): If you can be uploaded into one of the Dolls, can life continue after death? At what level of complexity/accuracy does the the copy become more than just a copy and gain sentience? That’s a complex, existential dilemma which I certainly won’t argue about on a sunny Saturday afternoon, but no doubt a topic being discussed on geekier blogs than mine.

Echo finds herself implanted with the memories/spirit/soul/?? of an older lady so that she can discover who murdered her. Quite an interesting take on the formulaic murder-mystery with the standard twists. Unfortunately, being some 60 year old, Dushku doesn’t wear anything particularly skimpy this week, though she does wear a rather fetching silk negligee thing:

There’s a fantastically uncomfortable bit where the old lady’s son kisses his Echo — his mother, in other words. Though, in a negligee like that, I probably couldn’t fault his logic… ‘Meh, Oedipus knew what he was doing…’

Anyway, because of Dushku’s complete lack of slutty sass this week, you get a couple of topless photos of our intrepid investigator Paul — Tahmoh Penikett. He’s really in way too deep with his current girlfriend — he knows she’s a Doll, and he’s obviously suffering some major turmoil — but that doesn’t stop him from throwing her down on his bed like some kind of beast. Really, watching that scene in slow-motion to get this screencap was quite an experience. The facial expressions he makes… blimey.

And then, of course, he has to take a shower after their wild, animalistic sex.

Just two episodes remaining. Still very dubious about a good ending; will we get a big, juicy, two-parter finale, or just a standard episode? Was it written as a mini-series (expect some explosive fireworks), or will we see some real plot progression (low-key finale)? The son mentions a ‘Dollhouse Manhattan’ in this episode, and unless I’m mistaken the current Dollhouse is in Los Angeles, yet again alluding to something bigger. No doubt yet another ‘international, omnipotent shadowy corporation’ that governs most of the known world, ala Prison Break, Heroes, Fringe… I can’t wait; it’s not an over-used plot device, honest.

I’m going out in a moment, so I didn’t have time to creatively title this entry. Sorry. How about, ‘Dushku and Dichen get it on!’ or ‘Oh, so he’s not actually a stoner?’ (disregard both of those, please, they’re both potential spoilers…)

There’s a word that describes this episode: Finally. Finally, so many bits of the story slot into place. Plot strings are tied off. AND it’s to be continued; all proper TV watchers love a good TBC! The 40-minutes-out-of-an-hour allotment that American TV shows get often causes incredibly cramped plots, shoehorned twists and turns, and forced, ugly character development. When you stretch outside the 40 minute mold and start looking at longer story arcs, things get a lot better (look at the first season of BSG or Heroes for a fine example).

There’s a reason the longer 60-minute episodes of BBC dramas tends to feel more ’rounded’, or why the old-school multi-part Dr Who episodes felt much more developed than the modern, 43-minute variants. Heck, when you tack two episodes together, you’re almost at movie length.

Anyway… I don’t want to spoil the plot because, no doubt, some people haven’t watched episode 11 yet. Two of the following screencaps are safe to look at, but one of them might give a little bit of the story away. I won’t tell you which one. Most importantly, Alan Tudyk makes a cameo appearance as the designer of the Dollhouse (or the technology behind it) — Alan’s the guy that played the cute pilot in Firefly. Actually, looking at a photo of him, he’s not actually that cute…

There was this rather-skimpy red pyjama thing that she wore at the end of the episode, but she looked cuter here, fully dressed…

Dichen can’t really act, but she does look good, strapped down into a chair. I think I speak for most of the male population when I say that a cute, Asian-looking sex slave would tick most of the boxes.

The look of someone very happy to see their long-lost girlfriend OR a psychotic ‘Here’s Johnny!’ maniac? You decide (or watch the episode!)

Hello! This is Eleni of RPG Called Life doing a guest post for Sebastian. The story behind why I am doing this guest blog is long and complicated, but luckily it is the story this post will tell. Given the nature of the story, this post might almost fit in with Seb’s series about geeky guys–something like “How to seduce a geek over the internet”. The geek in question, of course, is our own dear Seb.

One of the TV shows that Seb has made it clear he watches is the new Joss Whedon series Dollhouse. He likes the show, though not nearly as much as he likes its star, Eliza Dushku. You may have noticed a series of “Dushku Day” posts over the past several Saturdays in which he inserts strategic screen shots of her and gushes about how sexy she looks, the words typed out by his drool as it hits the keyboard. But even we girls can see how she’s attractive: beautiful features, lovely brown hair, well-toned body, sexy outfits. And she’s all the more attractive to geeky guys because she’s the star of a sci-fi show. It’s a bit frustrating, really. How is a girl to compete with the likes of Eliza? Most of us can’t really compete with her, but we can use her to our advantage–her, and her socks.

Let’s go back to the March 27 episode of Dollhouse and Sebastian’s post about it the following day. In his post, Seb raved about the socks Echo (Eliza Dushku’s character) was wearing and, more importantly, the way these socks in combination with her cute short skirt showed off her legs.

In the post comments, Seb’s readers debated what these lacy accessories covering Dushku’s legs should be called–tights, pop socks, hosiery, fishnets, over the knee socks, knee-highs, leg-warmers, pantyhose, and stockings were all suggested. Thanks to an Entertainment Weekly column that allows readers to write in and ask where clothing or accessories in a movie or TV show come from, along with a reader named Kelsey who was just as intrigued by Echo’s socks as we were, I found out exactly what these mystery accessories were. They were “snuggly pointelle” over-the-knee socks sold at freepeople.com. Unfortunately, the ivory socks that Dushku wears were out of stock, but the black ones were still available. The conversation between Sebastian and me in the post comments can be summarized as follows:

Me: Hey, I found those socks!
Seb: How about I buy them for you so you can take pictures and then I can ogle at your legs all day!
Me: Um… sure.
Seb: On second thought, I’m too cheap.
Me: Fine, save the money for someone you’ve actually met; I’ll buy them for myself and take pictures.

[Journalistic integrity is something that happens to other people. I'll let the libel go... because of the next photo. -S]

My luxurious, long, soft, shimmery socks arrived in the mail soon thereafter. Now that I had the socks, I had to keep my promise to take some pictures of me wearing them. But what should I wear with the socks for my “photo shoot”? Truth be told, I had neither skirt nor shoes to go with these socks, but these items could be obtained. The question was, what does Seb like (in addition to Eliza Dushku’s legs)? Let’s see… geekery, short skirts, pointe shoes, and the color pink. Using my pointe shoes solved one of my problems, so all I had to do was find a pink miniskirt, and then I was all set.

Prior to my photo shoot, I sent Sebastian a teaser photo with just the socks and the pointe shoes hanging on the back of a chair. Quite innocent, really. He responded–and I quote–”Are yoou tryin’ to seduce me Misses Rawbinson…?” The only proper response was this:

Would you like me to seduce you?

[This was possibly one of the best emails I've ever received. -S]

I think he rather liked that. Whetted his appetite, and it got the ball rolling for me. I had already decided my outfit would include the socks, a pink miniskirt, and pointe shoes. But what poses could I do to display these accessories? What would most get a geek’s attention?

One way to seduce a geek is by playing into his geeky fantasies–in this case, by mimicking Eliza Dushku. In the opening credits of Dollhouse, there are two clips in which Dushku is wearing the (ivory) socks. In one, we see her legs as she walks into a room, dropping her coat on the floor behind her. In the other, we see a close-up of her legs as she rests one foot on a low table and pulls up her sock, and between her legs in the foreground we see her looking out from a mirror in the background. These two photos are my attempt to recreate these clips. The latter was considerably more difficult, since I don’t actually have a mirror and my nascent Photoshop skills can only do so much.

“la la la la la, la la la la la…” (Dollhouse theme song)

[Watching the intro to Dollhouse will never be the same, thanks Eleni. -S]

Another way to get a geek’s attention is to show off your own inner (or not so inner) geek. Here, I model my xkcd shirt (the “I’m not slacking off, my code’s compiling” shirt that’s supposed to raise your programming and swordfighting skills to 18). Because geek girls are awesome, right?

If all else fails to entice your geeky mark, you can always pull something less geeky and more basic…

So there you have it, my crazy geeky photos. Seeing as Sebastian’s birthday is coming up next week, I guess I can call these photos my birthday gift to him. Hope you like them! By the way, Dollhouse’s exciting season finale airs tonight. It’s going to be a good one!

[Best birthday present... ever. -S]

I’ve just watched episode 12 of Dollhouse, the finale — well, the season one finale, let’s keep our fingers crossed that it’s not the finale — and I thought it was a little sad that throughout the main thing on my mind was Eliza Dushku’s cleavage.

Eliza’s not a big girl. She’s short, petite, and certainly not that well endowed in the boob department, but due to the wonders of modern technology — tit-tape and carbon-fibre push-up bras (do they exist yet?) — Dushku’s breasts performed admirably.

The plot itself was OK; it went out with a whimper, rather than a bark, as I expected. Whedon and Dushku both played for a second season which I hope we get (we find out in a week or so). Alan Tudyk was fantastic again as he explored a bunch of identity issues, played out by Echo and Wendy.

That’s Echo and Alpha kissing. Nothing like a bit of old-school symbolism: sparks may fly, eh? The girl behind them is busy being implanted with another personality, with some truly Frankensteinesque lightning providing the atmosphere. Why does everything require lots of sparks and bangs? Haven’t we moved past that yet as a culture?

No half-assed review of the finale would be complete without an honourable mention for Amy Acker who finally lost the nasty scars to play some retrospective ah-so-that’s-what-happened scenes. She’s really rather pretty. Sorry for the gratuitousness — blame Joss Whedon, not me, I’m just the camera man…

You know, I’ve never been fortunate enough to strip a pair of leather pants from a girl? For some reason, none of my girlfriends have been ‘into’ them. Looking at the first photo of Amy’s ass, I have to ask… why not? I would seriously expect the poor guy to be enjoying himself a bit more too. Check out his stare in the second photo, though…

Finally, a few more photos, just to complete this bumper ‘Finale Special’ (don’t ever question my journalistic integrity!) Dichen Lachman, the Witless Wonder (but if you’re reading, Dichen, please, email me — I loved your work in Neighbours), looks absolutely stunning when she quickly seduces Paul — Tahmoh Penikett — who, seemingly, will be playing quite a different role next season.

Goddamnit, just KISS her! Heck, throw her on the floor and screw her brains out. She’s so up for it, Paul… so up for it.

It might look like she needs to pee, but there’s something about that pose which I find quite sexy. Perhaps it’s because you can’t tell if she’s wearing shorts, or a skirt?

This one needs no caption. Needless to say, when you’re elevated like that, crawling across a steel girder, gravity does the rest of the work for you.

I guess that’s the end of Dushku Day, and considering the American TV season is just about over until September, I might struggle to find a pretty little strumpet to feature until then. I’ll see what I can do… and maybe find a few more topless men to tide the girls over too.

I went to watch Star Trek earlier (which shockingly has an 8.6/10 rating on IMDB at the moment, but that’ll no doubt decrease after all the furiously-flapping fanboys (and girls?) have cast their votes) and it was… great! Exciting, fun, dangerous, loud and very well executed.

Unfortunately, the plot was weak. There was a fantastic beginning, and the ending was energetic but… there wasn’t a middle. So much of the film was spent developing the characters and justifying a new rebirth 40 years after the original series that, other than the fun intro to the characters, and lots of big bangs, there wasn’t a whole lot more to the movie. But, hey, they’ve all signed on for three films (as always, nowadays) so we can expect to see a sequel, if this film’s a success — so go and watch it, and make sure there’s enough interest for a second film!

Syla– er, Spock — was, unsurprisingly, the centerpiece, but he was supported by an often-fantastic entourage of other young starlets. Bones and Scotty — Karl Urban and Simon Pegg — provided some much-needed ‘maturity’ to the film, and some very realistic revivals of their character’s original accents and mannerisms.

Perhaps, most importantly, Jennifer Morisson (of House M.D. fame) had a tiny cameo role at the start of the film. For those of you that don’t know her, she’s the most beautiful girl in the world (well, just behind the Kristen Bell of season one Veronica Mars).

In the film she was pregnant with the soon-to-be-born Captain James T. Kirk and a bit sweaty, but her inner beauty still shone through!

Anyway, I’ve managed to spin this review to at least 300 words, so now I don’t feel too bad showing off my Riker Beard that I crafted specially just for today’s Star Trek viewing. Now, the geeks among you will say that William Riker wasn’t actually in the original Star Trek, but, well… no one in the original Star Trek had a damn beard. I had to branch out a little.

I shaved off the ‘undergrowth’ because, in the words of my ex-girlfriend ‘it makes you look a bit like a paedophile’. Well, at least she was honest. You hear that, Riker?