Say hello to Eric, my 13 year old blind cat.

He’s blind because of very high blood pressure, which detached his retinas or something. We tried medicating him but it didn’t seem to have an effect, so for the last 6 months he’s been coming to terms with being blind. From what I can tell, he operates on some kind of sonar — he mews pathetically, and then waits for someone to respond, and then walks towards that person. That’s basically what he does all day: meow, human meow, walk, sit on lap, purr. His whiskers stop him from bumping into things, though he does get confused if people stand on his normal patrol route — he walks straight into them (which is very funny, and I will try to photograph it!)

He’s actually mewing outside right now, lost in the middle of our huge garden, wondering where the house is… Perhaps I should call him…

Anyway… enough about Eric. I’ll tell his story one day — about how he ran away for 9 years, and only recently returned to us! — but not today.

TODAY… I am launching another competition. This is probably mostly of interest to other bloggers, but ‘Internet Power Users’ might also be interested. What am I giving away?

FREE WEB HOSTING!

I host websites — that’s mainly what I do to make money — and so I thought I could host one more: YOURS! This is your chance to win some free web hosting, managed by yours truly. What could you do with this offer of free hosting?

• A self-hosted blog! Wordpress or Typepad, or something else entirely — this is your chance to have a blog that’s fully under your control. Custom designs, funky widgets… anything is possible with a self-hosted blog!
• Lots of web space! Maybe you want to host some MP3s of your own music, or images for your blog layout, or funny cat pictures — now is your chance!
• A personal domain name! You could also buy a domain name (www.yourname.com) and use the web hosting I’m offering to set up a website.

Most importantly, for the technophobes out there, I’ll help you set things up. Show you the ropes. Get you started.

How do I win?!

Unlike my previous contest, this one’s really easy. You just need to leave a comment of any kind.

What’s the catch?

To win, Eric has to like your comment. I will print out every comment and place it on the ground around Eric — he will then choose the winner by sitting, laying or chewing one of your comments. Obviously, if you tell me an awesome story, it’ll be quite a big piece of paper. If you just leave a comment with ‘Pick Me!’ it’ll be quite a small bit of paper, and less likely to be sat on!

Perhaps, if you’re enterprising, you could send me your own comment on a postcard imbued with the smell of cat food or catnip?! On the offchance that Eric isn’t completely blind maybe he would be drawn to a particuarly loving, heart-felt comment? Or a colourful drawing in Paintbrush/Photoshop of a lovely female cat?

Of course, I will photograph (or video) the entire ‘decision-making process’, ala American/Pop Idol. I might even dramatise it a little for your viewing pleasure.

You have a week to enter this competition and I’ll remind you throughout the week with cute photos of my blind cat Eric.

This competition is open to everyone, though I’m sure Eric will respond better to regular readers of this blog, as I’ve told him all about you guys — he’s a great listener. Feel free to tell your friends about the competition, though you might want to keep it to yourself to increase your chances of winning…

Imagine that scene in Rocky. You know which scene I mean — the training one. Dancing, prancing, skipping and shadow boxing, the famous fanfare perfectly punctuating and accentuating each of our hero’s moves. Only it’s not a a boxer, and it’s not a punch bag. It’s not Stallone — it’s Eric, our runty-but-lovable blind cat training for his big day — the day that will soon be upon us — the day when he will choose a competition winner.

Though blind and old, Eric still wakes up every morning and attacks the world with gusto! Since I told him about the competition on Friday he’s eaten almost nothing and hardly slept. Every time I go down to the living room, he’s there, pacing around, practicing his paper-sitting skills. He can hear the page-turning of my book from 60 paces. At night, when I’m in bed reading, he comes scurrying upstairs, flying headlong into my bedroom door. Thunk. I should probably sleep with my door open…

Being blind, he doesn’t even have to give up when the sun sets. When other cats are moseying on home for dinner, strolling through the cool, evening air, Eric is still there, pacing, choosing the right piece of paper to chew.

The problem is, despite his passion to please, and nail his first ever ‘job’, he’s simply not very good at it. In fact, he’s just fallen asleep between a pink and white piece of paper.

I’m going to set some basic ground rules, to make sure the decision-making process is fair and just. I also need some redundancies in place, in case he fails to choose a winner.

The Rules

1. Eric will fast for 24 hours before the event. To heighten his senses, Eric will not be fed for the day preceding the event itself.
2. Eric will be kept in solitary confinement for 24 hours before the event. Again, to improve his sensory response, Eric will be kept in a small, locked shoebox before the event begins. To pick the right winner, Eric will need to be truly honed in to his sense of touch: his whiskers and the pads of his feet. His sense of smell and taste will be heightened.
3. All entries will be no larger than 10cm square. Some particularly enterprising individuals have sent me entire essays detailing why Eric should choose them. I’m impressed, but it goes against the spirit of the thing, damnit! I’ll just print it out in a tiny font, double-sided.
4. Gnawing will be accepted. If Eric fails to sit on a piece of paper, gnawing a piece of paper will also constitute a ‘victory’ for that competition entry.
5. Sit or shit, it doesn’t matter. After much thinking, I’ve decided that defecation would also constitute ‘conscious cognitive choice’ as far as picking a victor. You all know how picky cats are about where they do their business, so if Eric poops on your paper, you’re a winner!
6. If sitting, shitting and masticating fails… In the event that Eric fails to choose a winner (by falling asleep, for example — sleep doesn’t count, it must be a rational, coherent choice by Eric — not apathy!), the comment closest to Eric will win.

I think that just about covers it. May the best man or woman win (and go and enter the competition, if you haven’t already — it’s a quick and easy way to score free web hosting!)

Oh, and because I just love to indulge the few of you (OK, the majority of you) that just dig cat photos, here’s Eric relaxing after today’s rather grueling trial run.

It’s probably best if I leave you to interpret the photo.

Only 4 days left to enter the competition!

Does he actually fit in the box? It’s not too late to enter the competition.

Did you know that the Jewish Sabbath is observed from sunset on Friday, until 3 stars are visible on Saturday night? How quaint is that? I can’t find the reason why, but if any better Jews than I are reading, please educate me!

Anyway, this will be a blog completely devoid of original content, because I’m resting. Instead, I’m going to talk about the blog itself (aptly named ‘Sebastian’, so it’s kind of like talking about myself…)

Just to get the ball rolling (because, apparently you liked that photo of me from Poland a whole lot more than I did), here’s another, far-more-seedy-looking photo from the same cafe — AND my friend (not Mike) trying to imitate me. He must’ve thought I was posing or something… that’s just how I naturally look, damnit!

Quickly then:

• I added the ‘Poland‘ gallery, and also made a few updates to the other galleries (though they’re too numerous to mention, you’ll just have to poke around).
• I’m cutting up pieces of paper and writing names on them. Meanwhile, Eric’s stretching, limbering and warming up. I’ve been rubbing various pieces of paper into his nose for the last few days, trying to accustom him to the smell — a bit like those dogs at airports. Only he’s a cat. And he’s blind. (Well, a blind dog might make a really good sniffer dog actually?)
• The Guest Blogs category has finally started to fill out.

And in more detail:

A few of you will have noticed that ‘Guest Blogs’ has been sitting there, in the side bar, wallowing in self pity. Well, this week it became the proud owner of Floreta’s fantastic ‘Ode to Seb‘  — a dramatic, shimmyfest of epic proportions — but I don’t want to stop there!

I have lined up a couple of guest bloggers that, in theory, are going to have regular ‘columns’ — some friends of mine that are too busy to maintain actual blogs, but want to write!

So what? Well, a) hopefully you’ll be seeing some interesting but alternative content over in the Guest Blogs category (don’t worry, I’ll tell you when it goes up) and, perhaps more importantly, b) if you want to guest blog, the space is available to you.

If you want to write under a pseudonym, or if you just want to get away from the normal format of your blog, this could be a fun opportunity! Perhaps you want to write about something too sensitive to publish under your own name? Or write about something that would alienate those that read your blog?

Or maybe, you don’t have a blog, but you fancy your hand at writing?

I’m not saying I’ll publish anything, but as long as it interests me — or educates, or sates my curiousity — I’ll probably put it up! If you’re interested, email me or use the contact form.

Right, now I’m off to film a certain blind cat as he wanders around and hopefully sits on a damn piece of paper.

No new content today, sorry!

But what I have done is overhaul the whole photo side of the site. I’ve removed the ability to buy photos from my site — all sales will now go through Etsy — and I’ve linked my site properly into Flickr which means I now have a proper photo stream that you can watch, comment on or even subscribe to. If you’re one of the few that have bought my prints (thank you), leave a testimonial too!

The galleries now feed directly from my Flickr sets, so they’ll be updated instantly. You can click through to specific photos and comment on them (or favourite them, if you really love me).

I hate blogging without anything interesting to say, or pretty photos to share, but you’ll just have to bear with me. Monday might possibly be another ‘Special’; like the Pirate Special, only better.

Have a lovely weekend. Oh, and if anyone’s really good at growing tomatoes and knows why the lower leaves on my tomato plants are kind of yellowy/brown/burnt, do let me know. I have ONE tomato so far. One small, green sphere — the unripe fruit of all my labours.

Ahhh! I almost forgot: Dollhouse will be renewed for another season, so Dushku Day will return… next year. I almost posted some photos of that cutie from Prison Break today (which finally finished its run — thank God), but figured it might alienate all of those people that come here on Saturday just for photos of cute brunettes in revealing outfits.

It’s at times like these I wish I were American. Or just not so British.

Us rainy, grey (but eternally GREEN) islanders have a problem with being self-involved. It goes against the very essence of what makes us British to say ‘HEY, LOOK AT ME! I’M AWESOME!’ We’re understated, often to a fault. We’re quite happy to let history pass us by; we’ve done our bit and now it’s time to take the back seat and watch the rest of the world — er, America — carry the torch. In the past, we would’ve grabbed at opportunities with both hands; now, we just sit back and let someone else pick it up.

It’s not that we’re shy, it’s more that we’re unassuming. We’re nonconfrontational, self-deprecating. The best way to illustrate it is the classic British supermarket example: if someone bumps into you with a trolley, you both apologise. I guess it’s just a more humble way of living, and I’m sure there are other countries that are the same. I do find it surprising though: within 100 years of the downfall of the largest empire the world has ever seen, we now sit in the garden, drink tea and root for the underdogs. Talk of conquering the world has dissipated only to be replaced with talk of the weather.

And so it is with great trepidation and no small amount of anxiety that I give you a blog entry entirely about me.

I added a few new pages to the blog! You can find them on the bar down the side!

First, there’s the ‘index of topics‘, a complete list of the topics I’ve written about on the blog, from philosophy through to music. There’s also a list of all the ‘Seb-related’ entries too, lots of which you might not have read as I wrote them back in January.

Next, there’s the ‘travel stories‘ index. A complete journal of the stories from my travels around the world. I don’t think that one needs any more explanation. There’s some fun ones from Turkey you might not have read yet!

There’s also ‘The Videos‘ page which has all five (5!!) of my video blogs/cat torturing sessions/roleplayings on one page. If that’s not too much awesomeness for one page, I don’t know what is.

Finally, two things which require your intervention: buy my photos and ask me anything.

How did I do at the whole sell-myself thing? Do I need more capital letters in the future? Any tips from the Americans?

Don’t get me wrong, my email inbox is full to overflowing with Ask Me Anything submissions but… really, why do 80% of you want to know about the precautions one should take before performing fellatio on your pet Labradoodle?

And that’s just the girls! You don’t want to know what the boys are asking… OK, you twisted my arm. At least two have asked if condoms can be reused, if looked after carefully. I can only assume they were poor students.

So, to improve the… variety… of questions, head-scratchers and odd-situations-that-need-remedying that get sent to me, I have prepared these two lovely buttons:

Left image location: http://blog.mrseb.co.uk/wp-content/gallery/all-sorts/granny-ask-me-anything-150.jpg

Right image location: http://blog.mrseb.co.uk/wp-content/gallery/all-sorts/moses-ask-me-anything-150.jpg

I know what you’re thinking! A delicious 150 by 150 pixels, perfect for the sidebar on your blog!

How fantastically convenient!

Just link the images to http://blog.mrseb.co.uk/ask-me-anything and I’ll do the rest.

Meanwhile, if anything’s been irking you this week and you just can’t think of any easy solution, please ask me for help.

I just woke up to find that I may have messed up the blog’s email subscriptions. Apologies if you’ve been receiving more than the usual number of email notifications, or, in fact, none at all! You should be able to safely subscribe again without fear of using up your entire inbox allowance…

Please, though it is only a meager gesture of apology, accept this random photo of me with an erection, dressed up as Indiana Jones, staring down at some cute girl. Have a nice weekend!

I’ve successfully written something every weekday for over six months. In fact, for five months I blogged every day. 296 entries published in 193 days. That has to be some kind of record.

Yosemite National Park, striking a pose.
I usually call this ‘The Explorer’ photo, which is rather fitting considering where I am soon going!

And now I’m going to break the perfect streak! Come Monday morning, I am LEAVING! On a jet plane! To the Faroe Islands! For 17 days! (I know, I’m either going to love this trip, or get so incredibly bored…)

This means a few things:

• No more daily updates but…
• … Over the next 17 days you are likely to get a lot of pretty photos and not much else. Hopefully this is good news!
• I will be slow, or fail entirely, at responding to comments. But do let me know if you like or dislike the photos — this will be a bit of a learning experience for me and I’m eager to find out if I can do the Faroe Islands justice. I hope I can…
• However, with regard to comments, if you buy a print I’ll always respond to you, guaranteed! (I’ll get some photos from the Faroes up on my shop as soon as possible.)
• No more deep-and-meaningful stuff for at least three weeks. I might however write a little on contentious topics like whaling, and how cute (but inbred) Faroese girls are.

And with that said, I’m going to pack my bags. If someone could remind me on Sunday night to check if I’ve packed plenty of clean underwear, that’d be great.

I’ll take a photo in full Faroe Islands Bad Weather Hiking Gear on Sunday night before I leave. And for your viewing pleasure I’ll be wearing the gold-sequined Minnie Mouse ears. Someone actually bought a personalised landscape and requested the ears, can you believe it?